Recap since I last posted in June...

Let's see.  Where do I even begin.  Blogging with a toddler is nearly impossible!

We missed our vacation in July due to Brandon's kidney stone episode.  We were all set to leave on vacation, when Brandon felt that all to familiar pain of dreaded kidney stones.  He had surgery and they removed a couple! This isn't his first tango with them, so we have been seeing a specialist to keep an eye out on more forming.

We were able to travel with Brandon in September to Destin for a work conference.  It was a great vacation that was desperately needed!  We visited the beach last September with Ellie, so this wasn't her first trip.  She absolutely loved the sand and the water-which is funny because she doesn't like the lake at all.

Elliana 15 months

Listing the house proved to be more drama that we thought.  It seemed like the house would NEVER SELL!  I believe we ended up with SIX total offers on the house, and THREE contracts to fall through.
At one point we had a contract on another home when the contract on this house fell through.  It was all so much chaos, but I can say now that we close on this house within the next month.  We are planning to live with my Dad to save money until we find our dream home.  Now we are just in the beginning stages of packing up!

We never began another FET cycle.  It just never seemed like the right time.  Granny was diagnosed with Stage III/IV (inoperable) Lung Cancer.  Then with selling the house and moving with my Dad, it didn't seem that beginning a cycle would line up.  We received the shock of a lifetime in September.  I realized that I was more than a couple days late-which was nothing new post partum and after breastfeeding for a year.  I decided to take a test on Sunday, September 21....  It was the fastest positive pregnancy test I've ever seen.  We are expecting another baby in May 2015.  We immediately called ART and they scheduled bloodwork and an ultrasound.  We saw them for four weeks and were just released to the care of my OB.

Each day we are still in shock and are blessed to be pregnant. After my first appointment, they called and wanted my progesterone levels to be higher (mine =12.9; wanted over 15).  We have been injecting 1 cc PIO since September 22.  It looks like we will continue injections until I'm 10 weeks on October 27.  I promise to be a better blogger in the future and continue to update about Sweet Ellie and The Sneak!

More photos!

Listing the House with a Stomach Bug

It's almost that time... we list the house this Friday and we are nowhere near ready!  The contractor shows up tomorrow with his crew to repair our kitchen floor (that's been needing repair for the past 7+ years), I'm still cleaning out closets in an attempt to show how much space this house has, and I have a stomach bug.

I threw up a couple of times on Thursday.  I felt pretty nasty and chewed Phenergen like it was candy!  Today I woke up with a queasy stomach, but I cannot stop going to the bathroom!  It's not polite to talk about the potty, but I've visited it about 18 times so far today and it's just noon. :(  I sent Brandon and Ellie to church so I could rest.  Of course rest for me equaled watching an episode of Breaking Bad on Netflix, then starting the dishwasher and cleaning up my crafting area.  The thought of taking all of my crafting supplies over to Dad's house for the duration of listing our house terrified me!  I just hope that I can keep it all contained while the house is on the market.

Ellie has started having some trouble with sleeping again.  I stopped nursing her during the day,and it was an adjustment for her going to sleep for nap without the boob in her mouth.  I still  nurse her at night, but she wakes up as soon as we try to lay her down.  After many tries last night, Brandon was finally successful in laying her down.

I don't have much else to write about.  My mind is frazzled trying to fight off this stomach bug, along with attempting to tidy up the house!

Selling the House, Boobin, & FET#2

I had meant to sit down and write before now but we've been busy!

We had Ellie's birthday party last weekend and it was perfect!  It's still hard for me to believe that she's ONE! Every day is getting a little bit easier. I did manage to lose my wallet last week but those kind of things happen! I was more proud of  myself for not having a complete freak out!

We plan to put our house on the market June 13. Brandon had wanted to list our house last summer but it would have been way too much stress for this new Momma. We have been painting inside and outside to make the house look as good as possible! I've packed away some of Ellie's toys that we don't play with often, and have de-cluttered many closets. We won't move anywhere far from where we are now, but Ellie makes it super difficult for Brandon to work from home! She's always knocking  on the door and we are loud! :)

On Ellie's birthday we also celebrated the one year breastfeeding milestone! I've been very proud of myself for this accomplishment. We still nurse twice a day right now, and Ellie has whole milk in her sippy cup throughout the day. I will miss nursing her. Believe me, it was difficult in the beginning, but SO WORTH it! I would love to continue nursing much longer, but Brandon and I want to attempt another FET by the end of the summer. I wouldn't be comfortable feeding Ellie while taking the medicine, and I'm also not stopping cold turkey either. Ellie still tries to nurse some during the day and I've been good to keep her distracted. I broke down the other day, but she was having so teething drama and I was tired of hearing her cry!

Right now our plan is to go back to ART in July after our beach trip and begin the necessary bloodwork and other procedures to get the process started. Dr Allemand has waived me having another HSG - thank you Jesus! I mean, a girl shouldn't have to endure more than 3 of those nasty tests! It should just be a few appointments and then we wait for AF and start Estrace. I'm very hopeful that this is our plan. Neither of us want to wait too long to have another baby. I will be sad if our second FET isn't successful, but I don't see IVF in our future unless it's an egg donor cycle.

I will make sure to update as FET #2 gets underway. Right now it's time to start taking all of my vitamins again and begin eliminating caffeine!

ONE

Elliana turned ONE today.  Where has the past year gone?

I wish that I had written more in her first year.  Between the PPD, Colic, Acid Reflux and just life... you know.  I hope and plan to write more in the future.

She had a check up today and she weighs 22 lbs 4 oz, is 29.75 in tall and has a big head! :)  She says MaMa, DaDa, Pop, PaPa, ByeBye, Bird, and her favorite is HOT.  She started walking about a month ago and is all over the place.  She loves music and dances now.  She's just growing up so much.  Everyone always says that the grow up so quickly but I had no idea until now.

Here are a few pictures of The Birthday Girl!

I truly thought I wouldn't be one of those blogger moms who forgot about their blog once the baby came.  I assure you that I never forgot about the blog.  I just didn't know what to write about, or couldn't find the time, or didn't just want to show up here to complain.  I've seriously missed this writing space and will continue to make time to write in the near future.

Postpartum Depression

I was diagnosed with PPD within weeks of having our daughter.  Guilt.  Anxiety.  Panic Attacks.  Anger.  Exhaustion.  Helplessness.  Each day is still a battle for me.  

Sweet Elliana had some serious fourth trimester issues, nasty acid reflux, and a touch of colic.  Our sweet girl did not sleep through the night until she was past six months old.  I swore that I would never bedshare, but that adorable angel slept on her Daddy's chest or in my arms for the first four months of her life.  While she was supposed to be nursing every three to four hours, she was crying to be fed every two.  She was feisty to say the least.  

Now she's nine months old.  Ellie has been sleeping through the night for about two months now.  We had an ear infection last week and it's disrupted our sleep some, but we can get back on track soon.  

I wish I could speak differently about the depression that haunts me.  Motherhood is all that I've ever wanted.  For the two years that we struggled to conceive I promised myself that I would enjoy each and every little moment with my children.  PPD has stolen so many of these moments from me.  My anxiety is ridiculous.  I've only recently begun to leave Elliana in the church nursery during service.  Between Brandon and myself we probably check on her six times during a 45 minute sermon.  Other than Sunday mornings and Wednesday evenings, I'm never away from her.  Part of me wants some time on my own, but the other gets nervous at the very thought.  

I've stepped away from my blog for some time now because I haven't known what to write about.  I haven't wanted to complain, but I now truly realize what PPD has stolen from me.  I'm trying to simplify my days and not let having dishes in the sink make or break my day.  Elliana and I are finding more activities to do together to keep us out of the house!  So look for more posts about our adventures together.  

Our story in the news

Here is our story in the local newspaper! We were thankful to be able to share about our journey to Elliana. I just hope that our pathway can continue to provide hope to others.

6 Months

Elliana is six months old today and I cannot believe how quickly time has flown. We have just revisited sleep training, and I'm proud to report that Ellie is sleeping in her own crib in her room. It's been pretty hard on Brandon and myself. I miss her being in the room with us, but we are all sleeping better with our space. Miss Ellie absolutely loves watching television. It's like she just realized that the big box with the talking people inside it is funny. She loves to eat bananas, sweet potatoes, and butternut squash. She doesn't like taking bottles and would rather eat from the "Mommy Buffet." She now says "ma-ma" but only when she's crying. I've been a terrible blogger, but only because I feel so overwhelmed all of the time. My schedule has finally slowed down and I'm trying to enjoy the little moments with my precious miracle. I'm still struggling daily with postpartum depression, but I'm surrounded by a supportive group of friends and family. I have missed writing here (free therapy). Sometimes it's just hard because I feel guilty for being on the other side of infertility now. My thoughts and prayers are still with all of you in the trenches fighting for your forever family.

It's Been a Month...

...since my last update.  One.whole.month.  I can remember when I updated my blog daily.
I said that I wasn't going to be one of those moms who abandons her blog once the baby arrives.  I guess I was wrong!  I miss writing and am going to make more time in my day to capture my thoughts.  It's like free therapy.

Elliana has grown up so much.  She's rolling over from back to tummy now, reaching for me and her bottle, and laughing and smiling all of the time.  She's a happy baby as long as I'm around!  To say that she's a bit attached to me is an understatement.  I am so blessed to be staying at home with her, but I do need her to be around other people as well.

I honestly have no idea how other SAHMs do it.  They always look like they just have it all together.  I'm lucky to brush my teeth and shower each day.  I choose whether it's more important to eat or clean while Ellie naps.  Heavens, we're still not sleeping through the night and have begun waking every two hours again. It's not been fun at all!  I often find myself feeling so guilty to have prayed and prayed for this little person when I'm crying because I just-need-a-break.  I don't know if it's just me or the PPD making me crazy.  I was in hopes that my depression would have lessened by now but it's still a daily struggle.

Nothing about motherhood has been what I expected.  I knew that each day would come with it's own challenges, but I did not envision severe acid reflux, early teething, possible renal refulx, EEGs, EKGs, upper GIs, catheter bladder samples, rectal exams, and multiple blood draws (including a cranium draw) in the first four months of Ellie's birth. We've definitely had some scares and issues with our little girl's health, but I do rely on the ultimate Healer.

I haven't seen my blog as a priority of my free time, but I see now how much I have missed this place.  I still read all of your blogs and love keeping up with the journeys that everyone is in.  To all of you still in the trenches, I am praying with you to achieve your FOREVER FAMILY.

Gotcha Day

It's crazy to think that this time one year ago I was just hoping and praying that one or both of my tiny embryos had implanted.

On Friday, September 6, 2013, we celebrated Elliana's "Gotcha Day."  She has given Brandon and I so much joy.  She keeps us on our toes and is high maintenance (just like me), but I wouldn't trade it for the world.  The past few months have been incredibly trying for me as a new mother, but I knew parenthood wasn't going to be easy.  There are many days where I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing, but I just try to laugh and smile at the blessing that God gave us.

The IVF experience was one of the most difficult things I've ever endured both physically and mentally.  On the difficult days filled with fussiness I will always remember what we went through to get pregnant with Elliana.  She's our own little miracle and gift from God.

Updates from a Bad Blogger

Ellie is 3 months old and I'm still getting the hang of this whole Mommy job!  I've been working on organizing and de-cluttering the house, so much of my free time has been taken.  Who's kidding, I have NO free time these days but I'm not complaining!

We bought a minivan!  It's scary how much I love my new vehicle....it has so much room!  Now Ellie will never be allowed to play soccer because I canNOT be called a soccermom!

Ellie has begun napping during the day unswaddled.  I'm too afraid to not bind her up at night.  Lately she's not been sleeping well at night, but I'm not too worried about it.  She's still in the bedroom with us, but she sleeps in her bouncy seat.  She moves around too much in the bassinet and keeps me awake.  I tried putting her in the pack-and-play, but she spins around.

We're still breastfeeding!  Ellie has been interested in food for a long time, and we've started giving her single grain oatmeal with a spoon once a day.  She LOVES it and has surprised me with how well she eats.  I look forward to making baby food in the coming months!

As far as PPD is concerned...  I have good days and bad days.  I'm still on the lowest dosage of Prozac and have considered talking to the doctor about upping that.  With football season approaching, I'm already anxious about leaving Ellie so Brandon and I can attend some games together.  I desperately need a little bit of time away from her, but I'm too nervous.  I can only hope that this will ease as Ellie gets older.  I plan on writing more about Postpartum Depression in the future, promise.  Because I'm still trying to win the battle, it's difficult to write about it.  But I will start compiling my thoughts on the subject and try to share my journey with it.

My mind is in about 10 different places right now, so I will just end with some pictures of Ellie.

I wish I had the exact same outfit in my size

Ellie LOVED swimming in the lake with Daddy.  Ok, she was only in the water for 5 minutes but she seemed to like it!

Ready to go to church

With Granny (her great-grandmother)

Super Ellie

Sleeping just now unswaddled