Join the Movement and Break the Silence

Why do so many couples remain silent about their infertility issues?  Because I've always been an open book, I do not see how someone could keep it secret.

My husband and I knew early on in our marriage that we wanted to have children.  Because of his past history with Testicular Cancer we knew that we may encounter difficulty but had no idea what was in store for us.  In June 2010 I threw out my birth control and we were ready to  begin "trying."  Prepared with my basal body thermometer and charting software I thought we would be pregnant in no time. Boy was I wrong...

Nothing could have prepared us for the following years.  I will be the first to admit that we had it easier than others.  Our journey only lasted around two years, but those two years were difficult.  So many others struggle much longer only to remain childless.  Our pathway included much anxiety, depression, anger, and all around hopelessness.  We went through  much testing to realize that I also carried half of our infertility burden.  We became pregnant after our first Frozen Embryo Transfer that followed a severe case of OHSS during IVF, two surgeries, a uterine seprtum diagnosis, Endometriosis diagnosis, and one chemical pregnancy.  In those two years our marriage strengthened and grew.  We were luckier than others and drew closer to one another and God in our grief.

Instead of keeping our infertility problems secret, we chose to be open.  When interviewing for a new job, I told my employer that we were trying to get pregnant.  Once I was hired and months passed by it was obvious that something was going on to my boss.  He was more than supportive and always told me that expanding my family came first.  Our families knew that we desperately wanted to begin our family.  We often encountered the typical responses of "you have plenty of time" but we brushed it off.  As we began to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist we made sure that our family and friends knew we would most likely not achieve pregnancy on our own.

My Dad could not understand how he and my mother had me so easily yet I could not get pregnant.  My Mom secretly hid her grief of my infertility to stay strong for me.  They have never told me, but I believe that my parents felt guilt and sadness that they could not help me have the only thing I've ever wanted. 

Looking back I know that our journey would have been different had we not chosen to share our infertility journey.  We received much unwanted and unsolicited advice, but it was only from well-meaning  individuals who cared about us.  In sharing, I was able to help other women around me through my blog with their own infertility burdens.  The relationships that I have now in the infertility community are strong and I could not have made it this far without them.

Our daughter, Elliana Joy Boyington, is due on May 25, 2013.  The name "Elliana" means "The Lord Responded" and that He did.  We will forever be grateful for the gift of her because we prayed for this child like so many other couples facing infertility.

For more information you may visit the following links:
Basic understanding of the disease of infertility
About NIAW

Really?!?...

Yesterday was fabulous.  I had a great day off at home.

Today is another story... I started having UTI symptoms.  Why now?  I left a message at ART and Janet called back.  Dr. Allemand went ahead and prescribed Macrobid.  They will do urinalysis on Friday if my symptoms are still hanging around.  I took Tylenol earlier for a headache.  Unfortunately, there's nothing else I can take for the pain.  I only drink one 12 ounce Dr.Pepper each day.  I have coffee maybe once a month now.  My caffeine intake has never been more under control!

Oh well.  Wednesday night services start back at church this evening.  At least I have something fun to look forward to this evening.

And I apologize if you're visiting from ICLW... I'm currently in the middle of my first FET cycle after IVF#1 with OHSS.

2 days post Retrieval

I am exhausted.  I feel like I just had another abdominal surgery.  When I woke up this morning I felt terrible.  I was flushed and lightheaded.  While I was in the shower I had to make the water cooler because I thought I was going to pass out.  Brandon fixed me a glass of gatorade and I've started feeling better (I'm on my second glass now).  Maybe I was dehydrated?  I feel better at the moment, and my head doesn't feel as clouded.  Also, my stomach is HUGE.  I may take a belly picture today to prove it.  I'm super bloated and it hurts to even touch my tummy.  I cannot cough or sneeze because it hurts so much!  I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not supergirl.  The pile of laundry has been mocking me, but I can't stay bent over long enough to separate it.  I am wanting to keep my usual morning routine, but can't. (For those of you who know me, I usually get all laundry and picking up done before going to work).

I'm going to do my best to stay at work until 2pm today.  Brandon's running around this morning, so Dad's going to take me in.  I had to take another Demerol so I decided against driving.  It doesn't make me feel weird or anything, but I'm terrified that I could pass out or something while behind the wheel. 

Last night's Progesterone in Oil injection went much better than expected.  Brandon had been worried because the needle is so long.  I laid across the bed, he prayed over me, and then stuck me in the tush.  B said there was a lot of resistance pushing the medicine in, but I didn't feel it.  He rubbed it for a few minutes to make sure the the medicine didn't stay in one spot.  It was funny laying there with my B rubbing my butt!  My hiney is a little sore today where he stuck me, but it's nothing like what I had expected.  I'm sure it will get worse over time, since we have to do the injection each night.  I've heard from all of the pros to switch up cheeks! HeeHee!

In other news, my precious nephew is three years old today.  He himself is an IVF miracle!  Happy Birthday, Bryson.  Uncle B and CourtCourt love you so much!

source Attain Fertility on Pinterest

God has been good to us.  At the moment, Brandon and I are the proud parents to nine embryos, two surrogate daughters, and our two dogs.  We would not be sitting here about to transfer any embryos if it was not a part of God's plan.  For any of you ladies going through IVF, I implore you to make God a part of it.  We have prayed over all of our injections and it has made such a difference.  We were lucky to have a Godly example of including Christ in your fertility journey from Brandon's brother and sister-in-law.  We have never felt alone in our struggle, because God has placed so many encouraging people in our lives.  I was mad at God for a while when we first had trouble conceiving.  It was so hard to see others around us getting pregnant so easily.  I know that God didn't want to cause me pain, but He knew that we wouldn't give up.  He has made our marriage stronger.  I know that I would not have such peace as I do know if we hadn't put God first in our fertility journey.  For all of the women reading this who are struggling to have a baby, I am praying for you and your husbands.  I am also praying that you can find peace wherever you are in your pathway to parenthood.

Fertilization Report

If you're visiting from ICLW, I am in the midst of an IVF cycle.  Our egg retrieval happened yesterday, and we're set to transfer on Monday morning.

It took all day for the clinic to call, but we now have news.

Of the 26 eggs retrieved yesterday, 15 were mature.  Of the mature 15, 9 have fertilized.  They were able to use Brandon's fresh sample for ICSI.  Janet told me that I would receive another call on Saturday.  She mentioned the possibility of having more or less fertilized at that point.  From there we should know what grade they are.  Please keep praying for our precious embryos!

I've tried to take it easy today.  Dad picked me up around 11am to take me to get my hair trimmed.  We met Brandon for lunch at Zaxby's and then headed to the store for a few items.  I was completely worn out when we got back home.  My abdomen is still super tender and I've had to take the pain medicine.  I can't even carry my purse without feeling it in my tummy.  Dad watched tv in bed with me all afternoon and I slept on and off.  I'm going to try to go to work tomorrow.  I'm not sure if I'll make it all day, but I have to try. 

I am overwhelmed right now.  We have embryos. =)  We're parents.

For all things relating to my journey with IVF go to my IVF Schedule page.