Sleep Training

How is it August already?  This summer is moving by so quickly and football season is only a few weekends away.  Where has the time gone?  My little girl will be all grown before I know it!!!!!

Up until now Ellie has not been on a defined schedule.  That is ALL changing!  Ellie had been crying a lot and wasn't taking good naps.  She would wake easily and her tummy was bothering her a lot.  I made another pediatrician appointment for yesterday and saw a different doctor.  This doctor told me that Ellie needed a schedule with specific sleep times and she also needed to learn how to self soothe.  Whew!  Hearing this was so hard.  I had waited for this little angel for so long and I just wanted to spoil her as much as possible.  I've mentioned previously that we've co-slept with Ellie since birth.  She wouldn't sleep any other way.

After we got home from our appointment yesterday afternoon I began the transition into scheduling sleep.

E.A.S.Y.

Eat

Activity

Sleep

Yourself

The acronym is pretty self explanatory.  Ellie eats.  I then burp her and change her diaper if I haven't already.  I sit her in the bouncy seat and we play with our toys and I read to her sometimes as well.  (I actually read a Charlaine Harris book to her aloud this morning- haha.)  When I see her getting a little sleepy, I get her up and swaddle her and rock her for a few minutes before returning her to the bassinet.  If she wakes I check on her after about 15 minutes or so, hold her hand for a minute or two and then leave again.

Surprisingly enough this is a great system.  Until now Ellie had been eating every 2 hours!  It left little to no time for me to do anything.  I was a little concerned at the frequency of her feedings as was the pediatrician. Since yesterday, I've been able to stretch out her feedings as well as have her sleep in her bassinet by my side of the bed.  Brandon slept in the guest room last night since he had to leave early to drive to Mississippi for the day.  Ellie did so much better than I expected and was able to be calmed down by holding my hand during the night.  I did miss my snuggles with my little princess, but I felt great knowing that she was safely swaddled next to me in her own sleep space.

It will definitely take us some time to completely adjust to this schedule and new sleeping arrangements, but we can do it.

Watching Mommy dry her hair and put on make up.  She's mesmerized by the hairdryer!

"It's a wonderful day to be nude!"
At the pediatrician's office waiting for the doctor to come in.

This may be one of my favorite pictures of her.
I'm so in love with my little girl.

Video of Ellie and Sneakers!

Since I've been syncing my iPhone I have many videos of Miss Ellie!

Please excuse us sounding so silly.  The things you do to make the baby happy! :)

Elliana: 3 Weeks Old

How old is Elliana:
3 Weeks

How does Mom feel:
I'm slowly starting to feel like my old self again.  So much of my swelling has gone down and I'm now able to wear most of my normal clothes.  I'm so happy that it's summer time and I have many tank tops that accommodate nursing.

How does Dad feel:

Brandon is super busy with work lately.  There are so many renovation projects starting here in the Birmingham area and that's great for us.  When he tells me his sales for the week I'm just amazed at the numbers, but he's awesome at his job too!

Sleep for Mom:

What sleep?  Just kidding.  Ellie sleeps for about 4 hours straight during the night before waking up to eat.  Now I wake up before her just knowing that she needs to eat because my chest hurts.  The only problem is that she got her nights and days a little confused and sometimes wants to stay awake after feeding.  When she's in a good mood it isn't that bad.  When she's fussy it's much more difficult to be awake for so long.  I keep reminding myself that she's still a little baby and we'll be on more of a true schedule soon.  But with all that said, one of the great things about breastfeeding and pumping is that I can sit down any time day or night and close my eyes and go to sleep easily!

Sleep for Dad:

Brandon helps me with most nighttime feedings.  He offers her a bottle during one of the evening feedings so I can rest and pump and he's great at diaper changes too.  I probably let him help way too much.  It's just so hard on me still trying to do it all each night when she's fussy.

Sleep for Elliana:

Our sweet little princess is a high needs baby.  There's no other way to describe her!  She gets mad and fussy and then won't take the pacifier.  It's hilarious, because when she's mad she balls up her fists like she's punching at us.  I've been able to differentiate between her hungry and mad cries, and that's very helpful at night.  You have to hold her for at least 20 minutes once she's asleep and then carefully place her in whatever she's going to sleep in.  We bought a co-sleeper that sets in between us in the bed, but she doesn't seem to like it.  She's done best lately in the bouncy seat or swing.  She's still so little and I'm working on making her feel comfortable sleeping somewhere other than in our arms.

Upcoming Appointments:

June 24- 1 Month appointment and shots

Funny Moments:

I went to meet Brandon at one of his properties to pick up some medicine for Ellie, so I drove up to the jewelry store to see the girls.  I had packed a bottle (Dr. Brown's) for baby girl but forgot to put in the little blue funnel thing.  Breast milk had leaked all in the bag and I had to feed Ellie in the back of the store.  At least I was somewhere where I had a quiet place to go.  It had me laughing so hard because I must be running on so little sleep that I forgot one of the most important parts of the bottle!


Pre-pregnancy weight:  123 lbs
Full term pregnancy weight:  162 lbs
Today's Weight:  136 lbs

My sweet angel

Her first bath after her umbilical stump fell off

Her first superhero outfit!  

Elliana: 2 Weeks Old

How old is Elliana:
2 Weeks

How does Mom feel:
I have no many emotions and feelings swimming through my head most of the time.  I love staring at my precious little girl.  She's the most beautiful person I've ever seen.  Going through infertility treatment was exhausting in itself, but nothing could have prepared me for this.  It seems like I just shut my eyes and she's waking up to nurse again.  I get so upset at the littlest things and find myself in tears most of the time.  I've added Vitamin D to my morning vitamins and have been sitting outside at least 30 minutes each day.  I'm fairly certain that I'm dealing with Postpartum Depression (PPD) and will be meeting with Dr. McKenzie to talk about that on Wednesday.

I've still not gained back control of my bladder.  Kegel exercises are difficult to do when you can't feel anything in that general area.  I still do them daily in hopes of gaining control of those muscles again by 6wpp.

My episiotomy is healing nicely and the lochia has finally tapered off.  The superficial tear I posted about before is still very evident, but does not give me much pain unless I'm up and moving around for too long.  It's hard to remember that I just had a baby two weeks ago and I can't use all of my free time running around like Superwoman trying to get everything done by myself.  Thankfully my Mom reminded me of this last night.  It helped to hear it from her that everything I'm feeling is normal and no one will think anything less of me for sharing these feelings.

How does Dad feel-written by Sneakers himself:
Brandon is feeling pretty good. I knew that there would be a lot more demands/responsibilities placed on me, so I knew what to expect. That does not make the reality of it any less challenging. But I would not trade any of this for the world. I love my wife and daughter so much that the thought of taking care of them makes me proud.

Sleep for Mom:

What sleep?!?  I do NOT like nights anymore.  Between feedings and hot flashes I'd rather stay awake.  Just kidding!  I had to take our comforter off of the bed and replace it with a light quilt.  I sleep on top of a towel or I'd have to change our sheets every morning.  I've also done much better at staying awake during the nighttime feedings, but it's easy to fall asleep there at the end.

Sleep for Dad:

Thankfully Brandon's sleepwalking is getting better.  I don't think we've had any more episodes in the past few days.  He stayed up with her the other night so I could catch an hour of sleep in between feedings.  It's all just a big adjustment for the three of us.

Sleep for Elliana:

She has been a little more difficult this week for baby girl.  She gets gas and it makes her hurt.  We use the drops, but this stubborn little princess just won't burp sometimes.

Upcoming Appointments:

June 5- Postpartum appointment for Mommy 
June 24- 1 month appointment and vaccinations.

Funny Moments:

We lost the swaddle blanket!  We searched the entire house one evening.  Daddy looked in the closets, car, you name it.  It ended up being in the crib up under a new outfit we had received.  We have definitely got to buy another swaddle blanket for Miss Ellie since we only have one!


Pre-pregnancy weight:  123 lbs
Full term pregnancy weight:  162 lbs
Today's Weight:  136 lbs

My Postpartum Belly

Elliana: 1 Week Old

How old is Elliana:

1 Week

How does Mom feel:
Tired! Labor and delivery took a lot out of me, but I'm on the mend. I am still struggling with bladder control but it gets easier every day. Breast feeding is not that bad really and I love how great I sleep afterward.  I had no idea about the hot flashes!  There's so much that you cannot prepare for.  I just thought I had hot flashes while I was on fertility medications, but these are super intense--Like wake up soaking wet intense!  Ellie's first six days were hard for me.  Once you read my birth story you will understand.  I have been through one hell of a recovery after our vaginal delivery.  I'm completely amazed to be sitting at my computer right now typing this blog post.  God is good.

How does Dad feel:
He's a little tired from everything but is good.  He says that he is just happy.

Sleep for Mom:

I've taken care of baby girl on my own for the past two nights. I couldn't do it if I hadn't rested and healed so much over the past week.  I'm taking at least two naps with baby girl during the day.

Sleep for Dad:

Brandon is able to sleep well because Ellie only cries when I change her diaper at night. He deserves the rest for taking care of his girls this past week.  We have had some sleep walking incidents where Brandon was not truly awake but conversing with me.  It's funny because he still helps but has no recollection of it later.

Sleep for Elliana:

She's a great sleeper! She falls asleep at my boob often and I have to aggravate her to wake up.

Upcoming Appointments:

June 24- 1 month appointment and vaccinations.

Funny Moments:

Ellie can clear a room with her gas! Daddy is jealous that he's been dethroned as the gassiest member of the house.

Pictures

Pre-pregnancy Weight:  123 lbs

Full Term Pregnancy Weight:  162 lbs

Today's Weight:  145 lbs

17 lbs lost!

Ellie says Hi!

Daddy loves his sweet baby!

I don't have many pictures of Ellie and I together yet.  In the hospital I felt terrible and look absolutely awful in all of my pictures.  This is the first picture of me standing up right with a smile on my face.

My Postpartum Belly

May 8th Appointment and Cervical Check

Our cervical check was a little bit disappointing.  Since last week I've made no progress.  I was just sure that I'd have moved along with effacement and dilation but nothing.

Fingertip / 60% / -4

The results from my Group B Strep were negative so I will NOT require antibiotics at birth.  My blood pressure is still great, and I have no swelling issues.

I know that she will come when she's ready, but the anticipation is building now.  Everyone said that the last month of pregnancy would drag.  Well, I've stayed so busy that it hasn't until.  The days still pass quickly, but I am eager to hold my precious daughter in my arms.

One Month Away and Thank You

We are one month away, or 30 days out from our estimated due date.  My mind can barely comprehend how quickly this pregnancy has flown by.  And when you're talking about a pregnancy achieved by Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART), you're talking about ONE. LONG. PREGNANCY!

Our In Vitro Journey began on May 5 last year when my new cycle started.  From there I took BCP, added Lupron Injections, began another cycle, added stimulation drugs (Follistim and Menopur) and made it to our Egg Retrieval date on June 20.  When we arrived at the clinic on June 25 for our tentative transfer, it was evident that I had severe Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS) and needed to be admitted to drain the excess fluid from my abdomen.  Talk about disappointment, but I was in so much pain that I never cried over our cancelled embryo transfer.  I laid in a hospital bed for five days and looked to God for the answers.  He had never stopped seeking me and I finally allowed myself to rely on Him instead of taking the situation into my own hands.

We let my body heal over a rest cycle and began our first Frozen Embryo Transfer on August 12.  If you're keeping track of your pregnancy from your last menstrual period (LMP), our pregnancy with Elliana started on August 12.  That makes this one super duper long pregnancy!  We failed our first lining check, but took one extra week to  thicken the lining of my uterus and were able transfer two beautiful embryos on September 6, 2012.

On September 10, 2012 I took a HPT and it was positive.  All blood tests confirmed pregnancy and here we are today one month away from the estimated arrival of our daughter.

God answered our prayers to have a child and Brandon and I will forever be thankful.

We would not have endured our journey without some very special people in our lives.  God sent us some special people at different times throughout our journey to help us along the way.

• Sheri, my amazing sister-in-law.  She too endured her own battle with infertility and provided me with support from the first day that I threw out my birth control.  She told me everything that she knew and always helped me find answers when she didn't happen.  I called her first from leaving all of my appointments.  I couldn't have gotten through all of this without her.  She stood by my side through our infertility and pregnancy, and she will stand by my side as I deliver Elliana.
• Dad.  There's not enough space here to tell all that he did for Brandon and me.  I will be writing about my father's love and support in another blog post before Elliana arrives.  What he did for us must be shared.
• Joy, my daughter's (middle) namesake.  She covered us in prayer from the moment she met us.  She allowed me to love on her own miracle child when times were hard.  She went to appointments when Brandon could not and even accompanied both us us when we needed another set of ears to hear.  She showed up to the hospital with goodies when I was admitted.  During our embryo transfer she held Brandon's hand and prayed over me during the procedure.  She was always a positive voice to me and just knew that the transfer would work and give us a child.
• Tonisha, my long-distance friend from Oklahoma. Her love for us has been written in the blog more than once.  She donated much needed medication to us and sewed Elliana's first baby quilt.  She showed me God's love and how He can use anyone to catch your attention.  She and I share different views about religion, but she showed me what it is to love your neighbor better than anyone else could.
• Liz, my college friend turned best friend.  We never seemed to lose touch like most people do when they graduate.  She too had her fair share of trouble when it came to getting pregnant, and was always there to lend a supportive ear.  There were many dinner and drinks nights when we had received unsettling news.  She was here with dinner when I had surgeries and even showed up to the hospital with a baby to just sit with me once before they wheeled me back.  She brought me good food in the hospital, presents when we confirmed our pregnancy, pretty pink cupcakes to celebrate Elliana's gender, and is hosting my baby shower.  She's such the perfect Southern woman and I'm trying to take some tips from her.  She's not your traditional Proverbs 31 woman, but she's pretty dang close in her own way. 
• Jennifer, my former coworker and friend.  God bless her heart, she had to hear me cry and complain so much through our infertility and pregnancy,  BUT she never got upset by it and let me vent.  She always reminded me to find the positive and "silver lining" in every situation.  She researched stones for fertile properties and gave me a rose quartz to wear.  She somehow survived all of my crazy hormonal days and hot flashes and still likes me.  There's a special place in Heaven for her.
• Paul, my former boss.  Not many men understand the desire of a woman to have a child, but he did.  He knew upon hiring me that my greatest desire was to start a family.  He knew more about my follicles, endometrial lining, and hot flashes than any man other than my husband and fertility doctor ever wanted to know.  He always told me that my family came first and supported our journey.  Asking for time off for fertility procedures was never a problem, and I can remember him calling to check on me before surgeries and while I was in the hospital.  I was lucky to work in a loving environment that supported me.
• Tiffany.  My pregnancy would have felt different without her.  After we announced that we were expecting, so many other women in the church also said that they too were pregnant all around our due date.  Tiffany told me in person after her first test.  I think she knew that it would be easier for me to hear it from her.  Our due dates are two days apart and she has given me so much support.  Because it took us so much to achieve our pregnancy,  I still found myself jealous of other women who were expecting, but never her.  I completely ignored other pregnant women except for her.  I just know that our daughters are going to be best friends.
• Rachel, my former coworker and surrogate daughter.  How many 17 year old girls know how to administer fertility drugs?  I didn't keep up with how many injections Rach gave me, but it was a LOT.  She was nervous on the first few but then it just came as second nature.  She attended "mom functions" with me at church, gave me a mother's day gift, and spent the night with me when Brandon traveled.  She's well beyond her years already and has such a big heart for such a young girl.
• Nicole, a lost connection from college.  In her own infertility journey, Nicole found me and we started talking.  It's always nice to be able to talk to someone in person who is also battling infertility.  I'm so happy that she's 10 weeks behind me in her pregnancy with their son, Isaac.  
• Our family.  They were all so excited when we called saying that we were pregnant and even more excited when we found out her gender.  Elliana is the FIRST granddaughter (and great-granddaughter) on Brandon's side of the family and the FIRST grandchild (and great-grandchild) on my side.  
• Our faith family.  Calera First United Methodist Church has never stopped covering us in prayer. Terry and Carolyn prayed over us many times and annointed us with oil.  Terry made hospital appearances when I wasn't even sure he knew I was there!  I'm not sure how many women saw my hiney when I'd search people to help with progesterone injections, but they were all there to hold my hand and laugh at the joys of our pregnancy.  The previous church we attended never provided us with much support so I was astonished at the outpouring of love we received when we opened up about our infertility.  Elliana will have the biggest family because of the faith family that God gave us.

There are so many other people who influenced us along this journey.  It would take days for me to write about all of them.  Again, I am finding myself full of sentiment these days and I want it all recorded before I forget these feelings.  I'm looking to this blog post as the thank you card that can never fade away.

Trying to Conceive and Thoughts for Elliana

It's easy to reflect on our past journey now that Elliana is almost here.  Part of me knew that we would get pregnant, but I had no idea how long it would take.  Sometimes I feel guilty that we responded so well with IVF and that our first FET was successful.  There are so many other women who are still trying to get pregnant after multiple IVF attempts.

Why did it work for us so quickly?  

I began writing on this blog in 2010.  After about five posts or so it became a blog about us trying to get pregnant.  Most of the writing was me hopeless month after month of seeing negative HPTs.  I had no readers and didn't really share my blog with people that I knew in real life.  The address was listed under my information on Facebook, but I wasn't sure that anyone even noticed it.  Through Fertility Friend and other online communities my readership grew and now I'm nearing 100,000 page views.  Who knew that anyone was reading my words from a small town in Alabama.

Now I look at this blog as a gift to Elliana.  My prayer is that she never encounters difficulty when she's ready to start her family.  But I also want her to know that her life was planned and we desperately hoped and prayed for her.  All life is a gift, but I cannot help but know that her life will be full of meaning.  God must have good things in store for her.  I hope that our story continues through her and does not end with her birth.  Elliana will be told from an early age what it took to conceive her.  Who knows if we will ever have another child.  I try to think about having more children, but my mind cannot even comprehend going through more treatment even though we still have four frozen embryos waiting.  

Pregnancy has been no cake walk for me, but it hasn't been unbearable either.  I've never believed women who said they enjoyed every second of their pregnancy anyways.  I'm completely miserable these days, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.  This hidden basketball of a belly under my shirt is what I longed for in the early days of this blog.  

In this last month of pregnancy I am finding myself sentimental and full of thoughts that I want to capture in prose before they escape me.  

--------------------

Elliana,

You are my Joy.  

I will never be a perfect parent, but I will be the perfect mother for you.  God chose to give you to us, and I promise to always protect you.  I vow to love God first, love your Daddy second, and then love you.  I will not make you an idol that I worship, but love you more than you will ever understand until you have children of your own.

Mom.

Swelling, Carpal Tunnel, and the Belly

When I saw Dr. Mac yesterday, we did talk about the pain I've been feeling in my hands.  It's pretty much Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.  Apparently it's common during pregnancy.  See article here.

The pain started out of nowhere this weekend.  I have been noticing more swelling as time moves on, but there was no pain associated with it.  By no means is it anything unbearable, but it is uncomfortable.

In other swelling news, my legs and ankles are huge by the end of the day!  I take many breaks while doing stuff around the house, but the swelling is here to stay.  Our church prepares dinner on Wednesday evenings so I showed up at 3:30 pm yesterday to help.  The meal was delicious (as always)!  Once I got home around 8 pm my ankles looked awful.  When I know that I'm going to be on my feet for a while I wear sneakers.  This is the aftermath...

The socks I was wearing had hearts on them, so I had hearts imprinted on my legs!!  The funny thing is that my ankles and feet didn't hurt too much at all.  They were just funny to look at!

My Dad helps cook at church on Wednesday evenings and he made the remark that I looked bigger than I did on Sunday.  I believe him!  I actually feel bigger and have been gaining some weight this week.  I anticipate weighing 160 lbs by my weigh-in on Saturday morning.

Adult Large t-shirts are now tight over my belly.  

The linea nigra is growing up past my belly button now.  My belly button stays out about 99% of the time except for when I lay on my back and Elliana shifts position.

The belly doesn't look as big from this angle but it's definitely hanging out there.  I cannot imagine how big I will look by the end of the month.  I may end up with some stretch marks on my tummy before Elliana makes her grand arrival.

Rant:  My growing belly is now starting to cause me much more discomfort.  My back only hurts when Elliana is nestled under my right rib.  It doesn't matter if I sit or stand, my back aches.  The belly also makes bending over incredibly difficult.  Sometimes I cannot even roll myself out of bed.  I scoot my legs off of the bed and wait for them to find the floor and I do a weird slide off of the bed.  Rolling over is also difficult and I'm sure that I'm funny to watch.  It was almost impossible to carry Nesia on my right hip last night because of Elliana.

Realization:  With all of that being said, I still find myself so very blessed to be carrying this big belly around.  In the tearfully pain moments I remind myself that we prayed for this child and waited for God to give her to us.  There are so many women who would give anything to be in my shoes right now.  This pain and uncomfortable-ness will pass and our lives will be filled with joy.

51 days until our due date...

Easter Weekend

We had a great weekend with Nate and Beth!  Driving to Northport to pick them up wan't much fun, and on the ride back Nate kept asking me if I was ok.  It was hard to get comfortable, especially when I could feel my tummy sitting on top of my legs! Haha!

Beth helped me in the kitchen a lot.  We made room for some of the kitchen items for Elliana and we cooked all weekend long!  I could sit and write down everything that we did, but that would be boring and look like we did nothing at all.

This is us on the way to our church's worship service Friday evening

Since we had extra hands, Brandon was able to get some stuff hung on the wall in Elliana's room.  It looks so much better in there now since the walls aren't bare!

The picture frame under her initials says "God danced the day you were born."

Her hair bow holder adds a LOT of color to the room and it lets me display all of the bows I've hand made for her.

In between the superhero pictures I plan on adding some black and white photos from our maternity photo shoot (in early May) and some newborn pictures once she's here.  

To say that our daughter's room is unique is an understatement.  I love that her crib is one of the giveaways that this is a room for a baby.  I absolutely despise the term nursery, and didn't want a bunch of baby-like pictures and such on the wall.  I've got one collage made from the transfer day that I need to have printed, but I'm very happy with the way her room is looking so far!

We went to Sunrise Service at church yesterday at 6 am.

I can't believe I got both of them up and they got dressed with no complaints!  Nate said he just didn't look at his phone for a while so he wouldn't know what time it was.

Brandon (and my Dad) were at the church around 5 am to prepare breakfast.  We also stayed for the 8:30 am service that we typically attend and then came home.  We had about an hour to rest before we had to drive to my Gran's in Pleasant Grove.  We all had a nice lunch and then Brandon and I came home.  Mom had the cutest Easter basket for us.

Brandon has wanted the Alabama National Championship Watch from the 2009 season for a long time now.  Uncle Chuck had a connection and helped Mom find this for him.  Brandon was super excited!
I also LOVE the onesie that Mom found for baby girl!  

I slept for about 1.5-2 hours before Walking Dead came on last night and then I was back in bed at 9:30 pm.  If you can believe it, I slept in until 8:30 am today.  Elliana is making me super tired these days!

This is random, but my hands and feet have been killing me for the past two days.  If I make a fist, my hands ache.  They are very puffy and all of my rings swell onto my fingers.  I noticed yesterday that my feet feel the same way.  I'm hoping this is just something strange and it goes away.  I'm seeing Dr. McKenzie this week so I'm sure that I'll bring it up to him.

I think it's also important to note that Elliana kicked for Beth.  My sister is the ONLY person to feel her move other than both Brandon and myself.  People touch my belly all the time but they never feel her move because she "shys away."  Plus I'm getting close to telling people to keep their hands to themselves.  My stomach hurts so much now and I do NOT like to be touched!  But it was so special for Beth to feel her move.  She made sure to tell everyone at church at Gran's that she's the only other person to feel the baby move.  I know that Elliana loves her Aunt Roo already!

Birth Plan

Call me crazy, but I have already written our birth plan.  If Brandon and I had not encountered trouble conceiving, I highly doubt that I would have constructed a birth plan.  I have full intentions of laboring and having an epidural, but there are so many particulars about us that I felt it necessary to write them down on paper.  It's hard enough now for me to collect my thoughts and relay them to others, so I am positive that I will be glad to have my wishes written out on paper on delivery day!

When I sat down to start writing, I pulled a few examples from the internet.  I printed out the fill-in birth plan from The Bump and wrote down my thoughts from there.  I also took some liberties and added more information, such as our phone numbers, emergency contacts other than Brandon and myself, our pediatrician, and my current medications and allergies.

Some important issues for me to list were:  pain medicine, labor augmentation, c-section, and family and friend visitors.

• Unless there is something wrong, I do NOT want to be induced!  I do believe that Brandon and I deserve one "normal" thing in this pregnancy.  The thrill of my contractions becoming closer together (and worsening) or my water breaking in the middle of the night is something that we want.  
• I do NOT want a c-section unless it is absolutely necessary.  My pelvic pain had me terrified of a vaginal birth, but I want the experience of delivering Elliana unless the doctors see reason for a c-section.
• There are many different ways to deliver a baby, and some Moms choose to deliver with or without pain medication.  I WANT an epidural.  Again, with my pelvic pain there is NO way that I can push baby girl out of my hoo-ha without it!
• As far as visitors are concerned, Brandon and I know that we do NOT want any family or friend visitors for the first hour after Elliana is born.  The idea of trying to bond with our daughter and me breastfeed with a room full of people staring at me doesn't sound appealing at all.  Thankfully, Brookwood does NOT allow family in the room after delivery unless it's cleared with the Mom.  Elliana and I will be able to bond over breast feeding, and Brandon wants to engage her in "skin-to-skin" shortly after her birth as well.  I don't think we're asking too much, and I hope that our families will understand.  We did wait 26 months to be blessed with a healthy pregnancy, and it's been one LONG pregnancy!

At the end of the plan, I wrote a simple note thanking the nurses and doctors for reading our wishes.  Brandon and I have dreamed of this day for so long and I will do anything that I can now to plan and prepare myself for delivery day.  We both know that plans do change, and I have no idea what Elliana's birth day will hold for us, but sure like feeling prepared!  I plan on giving the birth plan to our nurse as soon as we enter the hospital (maybe along with some candy or other goodies!)

Once all of the finishing touches are in place I will post our birth plan here for y'all to take a peek (and see truly how OCD I am)!

Countdown:  9 weeks 4 days

Prepared Childbirth Classes

On Saturday we attended childbirth class.  Instead of stretching the class out, we decided to take it all at once. It was a LONG day!  The class was mostly full with a few moms about to deliver this month, but most of us were due in May.

There were many videos including live birth, active labor, and what happens with baby during delivery.  The class focused much on having a vaginal delivery and what to expect.  Each couple was given a book and folder that contained all of the material.  The instructor talked about guided imagery and Lamaze during child birth and even had us practice.  I expected more time on the floor practicing, but we only spent 15 minutes doing that.  (I almost fell asleep because I was so relaxed.)  She also passed around a baby doll and let us practice swaddling.  Brandon was quick and successful at swaddling the baby doll, but I'm sure it's different with a live, moving newborn!

The funniest part of the day was when they asked if any of the men wanted to wear "the belly."  It weighs 35 lbs and simulates for a man what it's like to carry a child.  Of course my husband volunteered and I got pictures!

Once the class itself was over, we traveled to Brookwood for a tour.  The rooms at Brookwood are fabulous.  Everyone labors and delivers on the 3rd Floor.  After baby is born, within a few hours you are moved to another floor where you stay until you are discharged home.  The size of rooms shocked me.  I had no idea that they would be so spacious.  I'll have to admit, the size of the rooms is a little intimidating to me, because I don't want people hanging around all day long once Elliana is here.  We have so much family and faith family that will be visiting, so it's great to have a large room.  BUT my hope is that people will visit for a short time and then leave.  I may feel entirely different when the day arrives though, but I'm not one that likes many people in one small space.  Anywho, we'll fight that battle when it's here.

I think it's safe to say that I'm super happy that we chose to deliver at Brookwood.  In retrospect, I should have taken pictures of the rooms, but it was crowded with everyone on the tour.  I'm excited that in a little under 10 weeks we'll be welcoming our Elliana to the world!

Tough Decisions

When dealing with infertility, some issues never truly go away. Brandon and I are pregnant and we are still faced with difficult decisions...

When I began writing about our fertility journey, I knew that I wanted to share EVERYTHING.  It's not often that you find a blogger as candid as myself who discloses their identity.  I hope that in the bearing of my soul on this space, someone else will find answers, comfort, and information to help them along their own pathway to parenthood.

Last week we received a letter in the mail from ART regarding our frozen sperm (11 vials).  The likelihood of us using them is slim to none.  Yes, we attempted one IUI in October 2011, but it did not end well for us.  Both the doctors at UAB and ART agreed that IVF is the best way for us to conceive.  In an IUI attempt, we would need to use both fresh and frozen samples (from Brandon) combined to get an adequate amount of swimmers for success.  All the while having four frozen embryos, neither of us want to go down the IUI road again.

Brandon and I had to think hard about this situation.  Obviously there is a cost to keep them preserved.  The cost for keeping our little swimmers on ice is $600 per year.  We also have to pay the same fee for our little frozen embies.  It's only money, but it felt like a wasted expense when we will most likely never need the frozen sperm.  In the likelihood that our attempts at another pregnancy fail with the remaining four embryos (through FET)... I can't even imagine.  The thought of another pregnancy and child is not so far out of our minds at the moment.  BUT we will cross that bridge when we get there.  In the event that two FETs fail, Brandon and I would then have to decide if we wanted to attempt IVF again.  In the event of pursuing the process again starting with IVF, I am positive that we would be able to retrieve enough sperm for ICSI.  That was truly the only worry that Brandon and I had.

Being pregnant with Elliana now and having to make these decisions brought up so many feelings that I've not experienced in quite some time.  Whether Brandon and I attempt to become pregnant again seems selfish at the moment.  I am forever thankful to God for the gift of Elliana.  At the moment I cannot wrap my head around the idea of fertility treatment again with a child.  I know that's because I don't need to worry about that yet.  Brandon and I will both know when it's time to get back on the infertility roller coaster again.

I delivered the paperwork to destroy and discard our frozen sperm on Friday while I was at Brookwood.  I highly doubt that anyone would benefit from using our little frozen guys or Brandon and I would have discussed donation.

Thank you for staying with me through this post.  I know that I've not talked as much about my fears and anxiety through this pregnancy because I haven't had any.  I'm not like most of the women who still have apprehension through their pregnancy after overcoming infertility.  I lost that feeling weeks ago and I pray that my other infertility sisters can feel the same peace.  BUT having to watch Brandon sign the paperwork and then deliver it brought me back to that dark place.

A Difference in a Day

 From yesterday at the ER.  My face was so puffy!  I cannot believe how much I share here-especially pictures!

It was nice to sleep (mostly) through the night.  Don't get me wrong, I've still got a nasty cough!  I made sure to apply my eye drops immediately before going to bed.  When I woke up around 4 am they were sticking together a little bit but nothing like what I've woken up to the past two nights.  I was able to clean them and add more drops.  They sting because my eyes are so irritated but it only lasts a few minutes.  They blur my vision slightly but nothing too bad to complain about (I know y'all are tired of that!).  I've still got lots of green snot- Sorry!  I'm not sure when that will stop.  Let me just say that it still kills to sneeze and I avoid it at all cost.

When we stopped by Walmart on the way home yesterday I forgot that I needed to purchase a humidifier.  Boo!  My throat is irritated and probably will be for a little while longer.  I need to be breathing moister air when possible-especially at night.  I'm planning to make my outing to Walmart the only one today.  The steroid shot gives the impression that I'm all better but I still need to rest.

Much to my happiness, I've gotten on a great routine of keeping up with the laundry.  I only need to wash and dry all of the clothes we wore yesterday along with a few other things.  I had always told Brandon that I was just too tired after working and too overwhelmed on my one off day to keep with stuff like that.  Even he's been surprised at how much I can get done even when I'm sick and not feeling well.  I just needed more time!

Here I am this morning.  You may not believe it, but I'm looking better.  My face is much less swollen from being sick.  I've noticed some facial changes from the pregnancy but nothing that anyone who doesn't see me on a daily basis would notice.  My eyes are still red but nothing as scary as they have been in days past.  I'm looking forward to putting my face on tomorrow and heading to work and Church for Wednesday Night Supper.

And here's my nemesis!  I couldn't stand it.  I'm only drinking a small amount of Orange Juice and will sip and savor it.  Of course I crave what makes me the sickest.  It's probably good to get the Vitamin C since I've been so sick as well.  I'm sure that I'll be crunching tums, ice and gum for the rest of the day but it's worth it.

Thank you to my loyal readers.  I know that I've been out of it the past few days but I'm so looking forward to feeling better in the coming days.  We've got a super busy week planned and I'm now feeling much more prepared to get through it!

Bronchitis

I am so thankful that I only have Bronchitis! We were at the ER for a total of 4.5 hours today. We are both exhausted!

They ordered blood work, a flu test, and chest X-ray. My white blood cell count was still high at 13,000 but down from 17,000 last Wednesday. The flu test was negative an the chest X-ray was clean.

They have me a steroid shot in the hiney and two different Rx. I'm on yet another antibiotic (third new one in five days) and they also gave me some eye drops.

Brandon and I are both grateful that it's nothing too serious. I'm also thankful that they let me come home rather than staying overnight. Don't get me wrong, Bronchitis is NO fun either. I'm hoping and praying to start feeling better now. I'm going back to Brookwood on Friday for my 3-hour GTT, doctor appointment, and 3D ultrasound. It will be a busy day but we cannot wait to see our precious Elliana again!

Thank you for all of the support!

Sickness

My hope was to be feeling better by now.  That is definitely not the case.  I was up again last night with the same routine of coughing, blowing my nose, cleaning out my eye, and trying to go back to sleep again.  I woke up and took a shower and made it through the first service at church.  There was no way I was going to miss Communion and worship.

Before leaving for church

Once we were back home I rested all day long.  Brandon and I watched TV together and I even caught a one-hour nap, but when I woke up my eye was hurting.  Only difference was that the infection had spread to my other eye.   It seems like I can't get any better!  (Right now both of my eyes are swollen.)

Eyes on the way to church

After being on another antibiotic for two full days I expected to be better.  That's not the case.  Brandon and I got in bed around 9 pm and I was already uncomfortable.  Both of my eyes swell when I'm asleep now.  My nose keeps running (I can only use my nose spray twice daily) and I cough whenever I try to move.  My throat is super aggravated and now the acid is creeping up my throat as well.  While I'm typing I'm chomping away at gum- it's supposed to help suppress the stomach acid.  Tums aren't doing the trick anymore!  

We ate dinner at 6 pm, plenty of time before going to bed.  I even chewed thoroughly and took my time eating.  We had a safe - bland pasta (Pesto & Sun Dried Tomato with Cream Sauce) and I felt fine until I laid down for bed.

Dinner

I finally broke down and started crying in bed.  I feel like such a weenie.  I've never been good at being sick.    This is a completely different experience for me because medicine usually works and I'm completely on the mend by now.  I can only imagine how Ellie's taking all of the coughing.  Don't even get me started on how bad my chest hurts when I sneeze!

I'm terribly sorry about the sad and downer posts right now.  I've got to get it out somewhere.  This is the first time I've been sick during our pregnancy with Ellie.  Please, Lord, make me well.  I don't know how much more I can take.  I desperately need rest.

This is is me right now

You don't even want to see what my eyes look like when they start draining.  It's not pretty and it's a yucky infection.  Please pray that I start feeling better.