Why do so many couples remain silent about their infertility issues? Because I've always been an open book, I do not see how someone could keep it secret.
My husband and I knew early on in our marriage that we wanted to have children. Because of his past history with Testicular Cancer we knew that we may encounter difficulty but had no idea what was in store for us. In June 2010 I threw out my birth control and we were ready to begin "trying." Prepared with my basal body thermometer and charting software I thought we would be pregnant in no time. Boy was I wrong...
Nothing could have prepared us for the following years. I will be the first to admit that we had it easier than others. Our journey only lasted around two years, but those two years were difficult. So many others struggle much longer only to remain childless. Our pathway included much anxiety, depression, anger, and all around hopelessness. We went through much testing to realize that I also carried half of our infertility burden. We became pregnant after our first Frozen Embryo Transfer that followed a severe case of OHSS during IVF, two surgeries, a uterine seprtum diagnosis, Endometriosis diagnosis, and one chemical pregnancy. In those two years our marriage strengthened and grew. We were luckier than others and drew closer to one another and God in our grief.
Instead of keeping our infertility problems secret, we chose to be open. When interviewing for a new job, I told my employer that we were trying to get pregnant. Once I was hired and months passed by it was obvious that something was going on to my boss. He was more than supportive and always told me that expanding my family came first. Our families knew that we desperately wanted to begin our family. We often encountered the typical responses of "you have plenty of time" but we brushed it off. As we began to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist we made sure that our family and friends knew we would most likely not achieve pregnancy on our own.
My Dad could not understand how he and my mother had me so easily yet I could not get pregnant. My Mom secretly hid her grief of my infertility to stay strong for me. They have never told me, but I believe that my parents felt guilt and sadness that they could not help me have the only thing I've ever wanted.
Looking back I know that our journey would have been different had we not chosen to share our infertility journey. We received much unwanted and unsolicited advice, but it was only from well-meaning individuals who cared about us. In sharing, I was able to help other women around me through my blog with their own infertility burdens. The relationships that I have now in the infertility community are strong and I could not have made it this far without them.
Our daughter, Elliana Joy Boyington, is due on May 25, 2013. The name "Elliana" means "The Lord Responded" and that He did. We will forever be grateful for the gift of her because we prayed for this child like so many other couples facing infertility.
For more information you may visit the following links:
Basic understanding of the disease of infertility
About NIAW
This is so hard. I tried to be open with my family, friends and work. After months turned to years and so many losses, it seemed that people didn't want to hear about it anymore. I made the decision to only share my journey with a few outlets of my choice. My private fb group and my blog.
ReplyDeleteI was that person at first, hiding the fact that we were so desperately trying to expand our family but it wasn't working like it should. Then when we started treatments and I found this wonderful community of woman going through the same thing I knew it was okay to talk about it.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Tonisha, my family got tired of hearing about this journey we went through. One or two of the family still cares but the rest has given up on us. So glad that your daughter will soon be safe in your arms.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know that that's what Elliana's name meant! How cool is that?!
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