Today's the Day

This is it!

I didn't think I would be able to go to sleep last night.  Brandon has slept on the couch the past two nights because his sinuses have been bothering him.  It was his decision, not mine-promise!  He's been terrified of me getting sick these past few days.  I did wake up an hour early this morning because I was so excited.  I'm sure I'll pay for that later today.

At church last night several people stayed around after bible study to pray over us.  Terry (our pastor) anointed our heads with oil as everyone gathered around, laying hands on us.  Surprisingly enough, I didn't cry, but felt peace.  That is something that I know many women are lacking on the eve of their transfers.  At this moment, I truly believe that this endeavor will provide us with a healthy pregnancy.  There's no room for any other negative thought.

If for some reason this transfer doesn't end with a pregnancy and take-home baby, I know that I will be upset.  Anyone would.  But I feel like God has given me a glimpse of the big picture.  I know that I am lucky to have found my purpose-my calling.  I wouldn't wish infertility on anyone, but it has brought me so much closer to God and my husband.  Also, I wouldn't be connecting with women throughout the world if I didn't have these struggles.  The Infertility, Pregnancy & Infant Loss, and Adoption community is an amazing network of women.  These ladies build each other up with support and love.  This day would be so much harder to face without them-knowing that they are cheering for me.

My emotions are all over the place.  For those of you who know me IRL, I saw that same Jiff commercial this morning and left the room (I was moved to tears last week)!  No tears earlier, but now I'm all weepy.  I have the good cries.  I have no idea why I even wore eye makeup because I'll have cried it all off by the end of the day.

Thank you for all of the support.  My phone has been going off like crazy all morning.  =)  Y'all are amazing and we couldn't do this without YOU!

Transfer Day

Today I will see you for the first time.  You will be transferred to my womb, where I pray that you take hold for the next nine months.  Unlike many children, you will never hear the phrase "before you were even thought of."  See, you've been thought of for at least 2 years, 1 month, 1 week, and 6 days.  That's how long it's taken us (Mommy and Daddy) to get to this day.  We even talked about you before we were married.  We always knew that we wanted you.

You have been a very sought after child.  So many people have prayed for you since you were nothing but a follicle growing in my body.  People all over the world have prayed for you and you're only a tiny little embryo.  When you draw all over my walls, pee in the floor, get gum in your hair, and drive me crazy, please remind Mommy of this little note.  Remind me that I prayed for you.  Remind me that I implored God for a child.  You're still going to drive Daddy and me nuts, but we will always love you.

You are our gift from God.

Sleep tight in my womb, little one.  Nestle yourself in me and grow.

One more day

"The moment I called out, you stepped in; you made my life large with strength." 

Psalm 138:3 (The Message)

It took some time for Brandon and I to trust God and His timing.  We both still struggle daily, but we know that God's plan for us will unfold, and we will be blessed beyond measure.  Through all of the difficult times, it's been so hard to find joy in the journey.

We both feel so close to the finish line.  The day before transfer in our IVF cycle was terrible.  I had never felt so sick in my life.  Today I am excited and hopeful about tomorrow and the days after that.

We will see the first picture of our children tomorrow.  There are no words to describe how awesome that is!

Transfer Thursday 12pm

I called ART this morning to get the final instructions for our transfer.  They never called me with my lab results on Friday, so I was a little nervous.  The scheduling department was closed when they received my labs, and the other lady forgot to call me.

They have my FET scheduled for 12:30pm, and they want me to arrive at 12pm with a semi-full bladder.  The nurses will give me a Valium once I'm taken back.

Janet said that Dr. Allemand is scheduled for my FET.  Brandon and I both love him, and it makes me super happy that he's performing the transfer.  We've worked with all of the doctors at ART, but we are partial to Dr. Allemand.

In smurf news, Janet told me that I could discontinue the Estrace vaginally.  She said that my lining is nice and thick now, so the extra Estrogen is no longer needed.  Only 2 more days!

FET

Two more days

Wow.  Time is moving by so quickly.  I cannot believe that our embryo transfer is in only two days.

My hiney hurts!  In medicated cycles, women need progesterone support.  Dr. Allemand has me on shots, which are intramuscular (hiney).  The progesterone-in-oil injection doesn't hurt as much when it's administered, rather it's the aftermath.  On Saturday and Sunday, Brandon gave me 1cc.  Last night we had to increase my dosage to 2cc.  This medicine is SUPER thick!  B gives me a hiney massage afterward to make sure the medicine moves around and doesn't collect in one spot.  My booty is sore when I'm walking, and I feel the pressure from my pants!  It's not terrible, but I can definitely tell that I'll have what others before me have described as the "lumpy butt."  

Also, thanks to the progesterone-in-oil injections, my chest is super sensitive!  It's not that bad, I'll take a little pain any day to get my body ready for my baby(ies).  ;-)

We are so close.  I have nothing but positive thoughts about this cycle.  Brandon and I are planning to go out for a celebratory lunch after our transfer on Thursday.  Also, we've been discussing ideas about how we're going to tell everyone after we get our good news!  We are only expecting good news.  

Thank you for all of the kind thoughts, well wishes, prayers, and support.  We're going to need it to get through this two-week-wait!

"You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."  John 14:14

Happy Birthday, Sneakers

Today is my sweet husband's 36th birthday!

We went out to dinner at Joe's Italian last night to celebrate Brandon's birthday (as well as the good news about our FET cycle).  Today he's watching lots of college football in preparation for the Bama game this evening.  I'm cleaning house so I won't be super stressed with the transfer next week.

I started taking my antibiotic this morning, and we will add the PIO injections at night.  Wouldn't you know that I forgot to eat with my antibiotic and have had yucky nausea all morning.  Oops!  I've started having some tenderness in my chest, but other than that...no side effects.  I still have blue CF, but that's going to stick around until we have a confirmed pregnancy.

Have a great weekend and Happy Labor Day, y'all!

~~~~~*~~~~~

Brandon, 

I hope that this is your best birthday yet.  

I just hope that I get to give you a late birthday present in about two weeks.  

You're already my best friend, 

but you're going to be an amazing Daddy!  

I love you!

Happy Birthday, Sneakers!  

Great Appointment

Our appointment went well this morning.  My lining measured .08cm- exactly what the doctor ordered ! They took a culture of my lining (which was blue), and I expect everything to be fine there.  It was so funny....the NP casually said, "Oh, I see you're on Estrace."

They usually leave word on my patient voicemail by 2pm.  Then they will provide me with my updated calendar- which is the same as before only a week behind.  I will start antibiotics tomorrow, along with Progesterone-in-Oil injections!  Our Embryo Transfer should happen on Thursday!  I am hopeful that we will get beta results the following Friday (September 14).

This is the closest we've ever been! We are beyond excited!!!  Thank you for all of the text messages!!

Anxious for tomorrow

Tomorrow's the big day... We'll find out if we're moving forward with this cycle.  I feel prepared for any scenario.  Of course, I hope that everything will look great and we'll schedule our embryo transfer for next Thursday!

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  We know that God has perfect timing, but we would appreciate prayers for calmed nerves and peace.

Much to process

Thank you to everyone who has checked on me the past few days.  The infertility process is unpredictable.

The transfer should happen next week as long as my lining thickens.  Brandon is much better at keeping positive that I am.  With each step, I've tried to remain positive.  Writing here has kept me accountable and made me want to see the good in each situation.  It helps me to think ahead and be prepared for all scenarios.  I had already prepared for disappointment at Friday's appointment.  We're still moving forward, it's just a week later than planned. . .

If you're unfamiliar with infertility treatment... Tracking your BBT becomes obsessive.  Taking Clomid/Femara is exciting when you seldom ovulate.  Injecting stimulation drugs is even cooler to get more follicles.  Administering an HPT trigger is just awesome because you get to see two lines on a pregnancy test!  IVF is both terrifying and thrilling all at the same time.  But when you get your calendar and start feeling comfortable and "in control" of your own body...and then something goes wrong...I cannot even begin to explain the disappointment.

We have been living our life in cycles since June 2010.  We have not planned a true vacation in over two years.  Most every aspect of our life has been planned by my fertility calendar.  Over the past two years I have experienced so many different emotions.  I feel like I have been able to handle myself much better over the past six months.

I don't want to seem like I'm throwing myself a pity party, but the waiting is so difficult.  Waiting for God's timing is hard no matter what circumstance you find yourself in.  My prayer is that I can continue to see the silver lining, trust God, lean on my husband, and be a light for others.  My heart is full and I have estrogen coming out of my ears.  I've never felt so weepy.  So yes, we're moving forward, but what others see as one week - I see as five more days of anxiously waiting for possibly more waiting.

My Tentative Calendar at the moment is as follows:
Friday, August 31- Lining Check @ 9am
Saturday, September 1- Tentatively begin PIO injections along with antibiotics
Thursday, September 6- Tentative Embryo Transfer
September 14-September 17--Tentative Beta Results

Last update for the day...

I apologize for my three posts( appointment and moving forward ) today.  This will be my last update for the day, promise!

Janet left a message on my patient voicemail.  My progesterone was .3 which is good and low (exactly what they want).  They took multiple measurements of my endometrium (uterine lining) this morning, and are counting the higher of measurements at .7cm.  This is better than .58cm, but still thinner than they want for an embryo transfer.

For now, they are adding to my medicine protocol.  I will continue to take Estrace 2mg twice daily, but also begin taking the same medicine twice daily vaginally.  My next appointment is scheduled for August 31 for another lining check.  My endometrium should be nice and thick by this time.  If all looks good next Friday, my Embryo Transfer will be scheduled for Thursday, September 6.

Thank you for all of the kind words.  Today's been a rough day, but we're lucky to be surrounded by so many people who love us.

FET protocol