Elliana: 2 Weeks Old

How old is Elliana:
2 Weeks

How does Mom feel:
I have no many emotions and feelings swimming through my head most of the time.  I love staring at my precious little girl.  She's the most beautiful person I've ever seen.  Going through infertility treatment was exhausting in itself, but nothing could have prepared me for this.  It seems like I just shut my eyes and she's waking up to nurse again.  I get so upset at the littlest things and find myself in tears most of the time.  I've added Vitamin D to my morning vitamins and have been sitting outside at least 30 minutes each day.  I'm fairly certain that I'm dealing with Postpartum Depression (PPD) and will be meeting with Dr. McKenzie to talk about that on Wednesday.

I've still not gained back control of my bladder.  Kegel exercises are difficult to do when you can't feel anything in that general area.  I still do them daily in hopes of gaining control of those muscles again by 6wpp.

My episiotomy is healing nicely and the lochia has finally tapered off.  The superficial tear I posted about before is still very evident, but does not give me much pain unless I'm up and moving around for too long.  It's hard to remember that I just had a baby two weeks ago and I can't use all of my free time running around like Superwoman trying to get everything done by myself.  Thankfully my Mom reminded me of this last night.  It helped to hear it from her that everything I'm feeling is normal and no one will think anything less of me for sharing these feelings.

How does Dad feel-written by Sneakers himself:
Brandon is feeling pretty good. I knew that there would be a lot more demands/responsibilities placed on me, so I knew what to expect. That does not make the reality of it any less challenging. But I would not trade any of this for the world. I love my wife and daughter so much that the thought of taking care of them makes me proud.

Sleep for Mom:

What sleep?!?  I do NOT like nights anymore.  Between feedings and hot flashes I'd rather stay awake.  Just kidding!  I had to take our comforter off of the bed and replace it with a light quilt.  I sleep on top of a towel or I'd have to change our sheets every morning.  I've also done much better at staying awake during the nighttime feedings, but it's easy to fall asleep there at the end.

Sleep for Dad:

Thankfully Brandon's sleepwalking is getting better.  I don't think we've had any more episodes in the past few days.  He stayed up with her the other night so I could catch an hour of sleep in between feedings.  It's all just a big adjustment for the three of us.

Sleep for Elliana:

She has been a little more difficult this week for baby girl.  She gets gas and it makes her hurt.  We use the drops, but this stubborn little princess just won't burp sometimes.

Upcoming Appointments:

June 5- Postpartum appointment for Mommy 
June 24- 1 month appointment and vaccinations.

Funny Moments:

We lost the swaddle blanket!  We searched the entire house one evening.  Daddy looked in the closets, car, you name it.  It ended up being in the crib up under a new outfit we had received.  We have definitely got to buy another swaddle blanket for Miss Ellie since we only have one!


Pre-pregnancy weight:  123 lbs
Full term pregnancy weight:  162 lbs
Today's Weight:  136 lbs

My Postpartum Belly

First Outing

When we got home from the hospital, there was a receipt that I had received a certified letter.  Today was the first day that I felt well enough to skip pain medicine and hop in the car with Miss Ellie.  The post office is only about two miles away and we made it there and back with no hicuups! Whew!

The certified letter was regarding our four remaining frozen embryos at ART.  In the past I've been so hesitant to even let myself think that I would want more children.  I can handle the aches and pains of being pregnant, but the heartache of infertility is a whole other story.  You don't forget that.  After the past ten days with daughter there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that we will try again.  I don't know when, because there is so much preparation and money involved.  Right now I am just enjoying loving on my precious daughter.

Here is a video of our little girl with the hicuups! We're so in love with her, but we're kinda partial.

I serve an amazing, mighty, and powerful God.

Newborn Pictures

The hospital's photographer did an amazing job on Elliana's photos! We couldn't be happier.  

You can see the scratches on her sweet little face from the forceps.  Our little girl is a fighter!

I could kiss her little cheeks all day long

She looks deep in thought

Elliana says this is her good side! Haha

She loves her Daddy already

Snoozing

My sweet angel

I'm cute and I know it!

Safe in Daddy's arms

What the doctor said...

I'm sorry it's taken so long to post about our doctor's appointment today.  We got home and I was exhausted.  We had more family visiting and there was no time for me to sit down and post.

I am definitely torn.  It's on my perineum- about a 1.5 cm long tear.  The stitch is visible underneath as the tear is superficial.  They did not want to re stitch me, but let it heal from the inside out.  Dr. Radbill's exact words were that I was going to be miserable for a few more weeks.  Because of my past issues with stomach troubles, it's a harder recovery.  To be brutally honest, I have textbook IBS.  You have no idea how embarrassing it is to lay all of your issues out on the table.  I mean, seriously, everybody poops.  BUT I go way more often than most people.  Because my tummy is so active it's hard for my damaged area to heal.  They prescribed me more pain medication, but a step down from Percocet (Vicodin).

Ellie couldn't have been a better little girl today.  She never made a peep from the time we put her in the carseat headed to the hospital.  She didn't wake up until we were back home about two hours later.  She's such a great little girl and must know that Mommy is having a hard time.

Thank you for all of the sweet comments, prayers, and well wishes.  Not everyone has been supportive of my recovery.  It's not that they're not supportive, but they don't grasp the extensive damage that was done during Elliana's delivery.  Your words were exactly what I needed to read today.  Your words have kept me going.

Dr Appointment Needed ASAP for Me

My birth story is in progress; its difficult to just throw words down on a paper or a computer screen when it's something this intimate. 

My post will make more sense as my birth experience is shared......I had to call after hours at my OB office around 9 pm. 

Labor and deliver put my body through a lot and left me with a second degree episiotomy. The forceps were required to get Elliana out as well. 

To those who are unfamiliar, the episiotomy is a doctor made incision that aids in guiding the baby through birth canal. They are classified either first, second, or third degree depending on the severity of the cut. "A second degree involves the incision of the skin and muscle and that extends midway between the vagina anus."

source: http://www.surgeryencyclopedia.com/Ce-Fi/Episiotomy.html

Overall the episiotomy has not caused me much discomfort.  On the other hand, the tearing so close to my rectum has been the source of great agonizing pain that left me nearly unable to walk for days.  This is why I've not blogged- I literally could not sit down. The simplest of tasks that required sitting straight up caused me to break down in tears. Standing just long enough to walk across a room was near impossible. My heart has hurt that I've not been able to care more for Elliana. 

This leads to tonight. I had made so much healing and progress. I noticed pain before dinner but didn't think much of it, only that I got behind on my pain medication and that could be the problem. We went out to dinner and grabbed some items I needed at Target and came home. While in Target my bottom began hurting and I knew it was time rest. The pain goes down my right leg now. It appears that my episiotomy has torn near my rectum.  It may not even be my episiotomy at all, but a complete tear in my rectum.

Brandon started back working yesterday, but will have to go with me to the doctor today. I cannot drive with my pain medication, and there's a possibility that I will be sewn up again. I've had all night to process.  I was devastated last night and did nothing but cry. I know that God is in control, but I will be honest that I've questioned him so much in the past week. Why is this happening to me? I don't see how this is a part of his plan and my journey.  Please pray for my understanding and for peace through my pain.

I've really put myself out there and shared something very intimate. Our birth story will elaborate more in detail and you will understand what I mean by a rough delivery. Please leave only kind and supportive comments. You truly have no idea how hard the past week has been for me not being able to do simple things for my daughter. I know that all women have pain after a vaginal delivery, but this surpasses anything that I could ever have expected.  I've been dealing with people in real life trying to tell me about their experiences and wive's takes when they have no idea how severe my pain and recovery has been. Any negative comments will be removed. 

Elliana: 1 Week Old

How old is Elliana:

1 Week

How does Mom feel:
Tired! Labor and delivery took a lot out of me, but I'm on the mend. I am still struggling with bladder control but it gets easier every day. Breast feeding is not that bad really and I love how great I sleep afterward.  I had no idea about the hot flashes!  There's so much that you cannot prepare for.  I just thought I had hot flashes while I was on fertility medications, but these are super intense--Like wake up soaking wet intense!  Ellie's first six days were hard for me.  Once you read my birth story you will understand.  I have been through one hell of a recovery after our vaginal delivery.  I'm completely amazed to be sitting at my computer right now typing this blog post.  God is good.

How does Dad feel:
He's a little tired from everything but is good.  He says that he is just happy.

Sleep for Mom:

I've taken care of baby girl on my own for the past two nights. I couldn't do it if I hadn't rested and healed so much over the past week.  I'm taking at least two naps with baby girl during the day.

Sleep for Dad:

Brandon is able to sleep well because Ellie only cries when I change her diaper at night. He deserves the rest for taking care of his girls this past week.  We have had some sleep walking incidents where Brandon was not truly awake but conversing with me.  It's funny because he still helps but has no recollection of it later.

Sleep for Elliana:

She's a great sleeper! She falls asleep at my boob often and I have to aggravate her to wake up.

Upcoming Appointments:

June 24- 1 month appointment and vaccinations.

Funny Moments:

Ellie can clear a room with her gas! Daddy is jealous that he's been dethroned as the gassiest member of the house.

Pictures

Pre-pregnancy Weight:  123 lbs

Full Term Pregnancy Weight:  162 lbs

Today's Weight:  145 lbs

17 lbs lost!

Ellie says Hi!

Daddy loves his sweet baby!

I don't have many pictures of Ellie and I together yet.  In the hospital I felt terrible and look absolutely awful in all of my pictures.  This is the first picture of me standing up right with a smile on my face.

My Postpartum Belly

1st Pediatrician Appointment

Elliana is one week old today and we had her first pediatrician appointment as well. 

We absolutely love our pediatrician! Miss Ellie weighed 7 lbs 11 oz, only 2 oz down from her birth weight! (She was 7 lbs 4 oz when we left the hospital on Friday.)

The pediatrician said that our baby was perfect. She's strong and very alert. She's also having enough wet and soiled diapers. Breast feeding is definitely agreeing with baby girl! 

I've been feeding Elliana every two hours; offering each breast at the feeding. She nurses about 15 minutes per side and she has a great latch! (She latched the fist time I put her to my breast after birth). I was nervous it wasn't enough. The doctor commended me and said that I was doing a fabulous job!

 Everyone says that breast feeding is hard and they're right, but for me it was the soreness and keeping her awake to eat. It's pretty easy now and we have a routine but I will write about that later.

Brandon and I grow more and more in love with our daughter by the minute. 

It's super blurry because of the elevator's reflection but I love the image of our family of three. 

Elliana Joy

Elliana Joy Boyington was born on Tuesday, May 21, 2013 at 11:34 pm. 

She weighed 7 lbs 13 oz and measured 20.5 inches.

I am absolutely in love with our daughter. I never anticipated staying so silent on my blog, but labor and delivery was exhausting and my recovery has been slow. In the coming days I will post our birth story.  

Like our infertility and pregnancy journey, it too has proven to me that I am one strong woman and that mine and Brandon's marriage is solid. 

Elliana is a pure joy and I cannot wait to share more about her!

God is good all of the time.

The Last Bumpdate

Today is Elliana's Birth Day!

This won't be one of my traditional weekly and bumpdate posts, but it does have our usual pictures!

Today I am excited and nervous and hungry!  Of course I'm never hungry in the mornings anymore but I am today since I cannot eat.  My nausea is growing and I cannot wait to get to the hospital to ask for some Zofran.  

I am glad that I slept as long as I did, but Elliana stayed awake for quite a while last night taking in her last chances to beat this Momma up!  She's going to be one active little girl!

Brandon slept like a rock, but woke up ready to get going.  We made the bed, took out the trash, got all of the towels to the laundry room, made sure all of the dishes were put away, fed and gave Logan his medicine, and finished packing the car.

Our milestone reached today is making it Elliana's birth day.  This day is so surreal.  Our lives are about to be so different.  It's just been the two of us for almost four years and we will be coming home as a family of three at the end of the week.  It's amazing.  Our dreams have come true.  I cannot believe that I am currently typing these words without tears streaming down my face.  

Brandon appreciates all of the support that I have received from this blog.  Today he is thanking you, my readers and extended members of our faith family for providing us with so much encouragement through our infertility and pregnancy journey.  I greatly feared that continuing to blog through our pregnancy would offend so many who have followed me, but I have proven otherwise.  Y'all have given us nothing but support even while many of you are still struggling in your own journies.  Thank you.  

As Elliana is born I will continue to stay with this blog.  The blog name will stay the same:  Our Pathway to Parenthood, because parenthood is not just something that one accomplishes over night.  It's a daily experience.  I do hope that if you've stayed with me this long, you will continue to follow our journey and experiences with Elliana.  She is our gift from God and Brandon and I know that her life must have purpose.  We hope that our story and her birth may provide hope to others still trying to achieve their forever family.  

Today is THE DAY

"Today is the day that The Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it."  Psalm 118:24

I took the most amazing nap ever yesterday afternoon after I blogged.  There was drool everywhere when I woke up- evidence to me of a good sleep!

This was the screenshot I sent out yesterday to our faith family.

As soon as I woke up I went through all of the text messages I had received and saw a bunch of notifications on Facebook.  I immediately saw posts from my friend Toni in Oklahoma.  They had bad storms the day before but I had no idea they were continuing.  We texted and I watched the live coverage on The Weather Channel.  She was only a mere ten miles from the destruction path of the storm.  As my eyes were welling up with tears I called out to God asking for Him to keep her safe.  At that moment I promise you that I watched the tornado disappear back up into the clouds.  In my own selfishness I had only prayed for her, along with her husband and daughter.  The three of them were fine, but the tornado left behind so much devastation and many lives lost.  This is not one of the happy memories that I wished to record on the day before my daughter's birth.  My heart is at rest knowing that my friend and Elliana's honorary Aunt Toni is alive today, yet I still grieve for all of those who perished.

My experience with the first two cervical checks was easy.  I left the office feeling the same way as when I walked in.  That cannot be said for the past two- last Wednesday and yesterday.  My belly feels even lower and I have battled more contractions and back pain.  It actually felt like my tummy could fall off of my body.

Weemail is hilarious. (It's a free app in the apple store)  You get a "message" from the baby everyday.  Some of them are funnier than others and this one is one of my favorite so far!

Brandon had to run to a few meetings with customers yesterday and wasn't home until close to 4 pm.  He worked until past 5:30 pm trying to wrap things up knowing that he wouldn't be able to fully sit down and take care of people until next week.  My pain and anxiety level from watching the storm coverage kept me from doing much at all until he was able to help me.  We did wash, dry, and put our sheets back on the bed. I absolutely love the smell of Gain and having clean sheets!  We packed the diaper bag, snack bag, car seat, and nursing pillow in the car to get a jump start on today's packing.  We finished up two additional loads of laundry and reevaluated our hospital bag.  Brandon did a quick clean of both of our bathrooms again and vacuumed throughout the house one more time.  All of the trash has been taken out and this is about the cleanest I've EVER seen our house!

I added this PicStitch collage to Instagram yesterday.  I've taken so many pictures of my growing belly throughout the pregnancy.
I can't believe that I'll look so different when I return home at the end of the week. 

Once we finally stopped running around we decided to go ahead and get gas in the car and grab some dinner.  We could have went out for a nice sit-down and romantic dinner but I was feeling too crappy honestly!  We grabbed McDonalds instead and I enjoyed my last fully-loaded caffeinated Dr. Pepper.

Joy was here at the house when we got back and we spent some time with her and the kids, and Dad showed up as well.  Joy prayed over me and I surprisingly only shed a few tears.  After she left Dad came in for just a few minutes and then he went home as well.

God has blessed me with an amazing family.  Joy's kids call my Daddy "Pops" now.  It's so awesome how your family doesn't always have to be blood related.  My faith family chooses to be a part of my life and I am blessed by them.

My Joy.
Where would I be today without her?
This is my favorite picture of us because we could pass for sisters.  She is like a sister to me.  She know all of the personal serious stuff and the embarrassing things too!

I have no idea how I went to bed.  I guess I was tired.  But here I am now not able to sleep anymore.  This is about my usual time to wake up and drink loads of water or sweet tea before falling back asleep on the couch.  I'm being good and am NOT drinking anything (doctor's orders for induction).

A friend I met through Joy is also in labor right now.  Brandi's water broke yesterday morning and she has been at the hospital since.  They are planning her c-section today and I know that she is beyond ready to hold her daughter as well.  Her labor experience has been long and hard and she has failed to progress past 4 cm.  They have two beautiful children through the gift of adoption, and God also blessed them with Miss Annalise after a severe battle with over twenty miscarriages.  Please remember Brandi today.  She's been through so much already and I'm just praying that her c-section is quick and that she recovers swiftly.

I messaged with her earlier telling her that I had an inkling our daughters would share a birthday.  My hope was that I'd magically go into labor yesterday after my cervical check... not that she would labor and labor and labor through the next day.  But she and I were both products of what Joy calls "Nesia's baby dust."  I've only met Brandi once, at Nesia's first birthday last year.  In that one week Nesia was with us at the fertility clinic during the FET and then saw Brandi and her husband during the time they must have conceived their own miracle baby (who thrived with one of the LOWEST progesterone levels I've ever heard of).

So here we are today.  I should be sleeping right now but I'm wide awake.  I may regret not getting more rest later, but for now I am glad that I've been able to type away more memories.  Elliana's arrival is getting closer and closer and I cannot even comprehend the amount of love I will feel for her as I give birth and she is placed in my arms.

I have some anxiety and nerves about today, but for now I feel God's overwhelming peace flowing through me.  He brought us to this day and I will trust Him to help us through it.  Our journey doesn't end today because Elliana will be born.  Our journey is just beginning as a family of three, but I will never forget what it took for us to get here.  The friendships and relationships we made along our infertility path are so special to us and we will never be the same because of them.  I would not trade our journey for anything.  Brandon and I are so lucky and blessed to be on this side of infertility now, but know that there are still so many others waiting to complete their own families.  We will always pray for those still in the family building process-no matter how they are trying to achieve their forever family.  He and I do not know what our own family future holds, but I do know that we will continue to trust God and rely on Him.