Dr Appointment Needed ASAP for Me

My birth story is in progress; its difficult to just throw words down on a paper or a computer screen when it's something this intimate. 

My post will make more sense as my birth experience is shared......I had to call after hours at my OB office around 9 pm. 

Labor and deliver put my body through a lot and left me with a second degree episiotomy. The forceps were required to get Elliana out as well. 

To those who are unfamiliar, the episiotomy is a doctor made incision that aids in guiding the baby through birth canal. They are classified either first, second, or third degree depending on the severity of the cut. "A second degree involves the incision of the skin and muscle and that extends midway between the vagina anus."

source: http://www.surgeryencyclopedia.com/Ce-Fi/Episiotomy.html

Overall the episiotomy has not caused me much discomfort.  On the other hand, the tearing so close to my rectum has been the source of great agonizing pain that left me nearly unable to walk for days.  This is why I've not blogged- I literally could not sit down. The simplest of tasks that required sitting straight up caused me to break down in tears. Standing just long enough to walk across a room was near impossible. My heart has hurt that I've not been able to care more for Elliana. 

This leads to tonight. I had made so much healing and progress. I noticed pain before dinner but didn't think much of it, only that I got behind on my pain medication and that could be the problem. We went out to dinner and grabbed some items I needed at Target and came home. While in Target my bottom began hurting and I knew it was time rest. The pain goes down my right leg now. It appears that my episiotomy has torn near my rectum.  It may not even be my episiotomy at all, but a complete tear in my rectum.

Brandon started back working yesterday, but will have to go with me to the doctor today. I cannot drive with my pain medication, and there's a possibility that I will be sewn up again. I've had all night to process.  I was devastated last night and did nothing but cry. I know that God is in control, but I will be honest that I've questioned him so much in the past week. Why is this happening to me? I don't see how this is a part of his plan and my journey.  Please pray for my understanding and for peace through my pain.

I've really put myself out there and shared something very intimate. Our birth story will elaborate more in detail and you will understand what I mean by a rough delivery. Please leave only kind and supportive comments. You truly have no idea how hard the past week has been for me not being able to do simple things for my daughter. I know that all women have pain after a vaginal delivery, but this surpasses anything that I could ever have expected.  I've been dealing with people in real life trying to tell me about their experiences and wive's takes when they have no idea how severe my pain and recovery has been. Any negative comments will be removed.