Monday, January 24, 2011


Today was a rough day.  I woke up with this awful stye on my eye, which made it difficult to see.  Work wasn't that bad, but the day just seemed to drag.  I felt so strange.  I think I slept well last night, between the nightmares about unfinished assignments.  I've been out of school since May, but still have recurring dreams about school! 

We have less than a month before we go to the beach.  It will be nice to be away and alone with Brandon for a weekend.  Only downfall is that he wants to take the XBOX with us.  =/   That just doesn't seem romantic to me! 

I think I'm ok with not being pregnant right now.  I don't cry when I see pregnant women anymore, so that's good.  I still haven't wanted to be around the women in my small group at church.  I have nothing in common with them anymore.  I have no passion to even go to church.  My sis-in-law said that we should start looking for a new church home.  I just don't feel that anyone has truly reached out to us in our absense from church.  That may seem like an excuse.  Maybe it is.  I just don't want to go where I feel that I don't belong.  When I'm around them I feel like a failure for not already being a parent.  I feel like I'm not a member of the club of parenthood.  I wish that I  knew other women going through what I am.  It's hard to feel so alone with my internal struggles about motherhood.  I know that Brandon feels the same way about being a parent, but men don't talk about that when they're hanging out.  Women who are mothers only know how to talk about their children--especially stay-at-home mothers.  Brandon and I will both make great parents once the time comes.  I know that when we're ready, God will give us a sign.  I just wish that I had someone in the meantime to talk to.  =(

I have nothing creative or profound to say.  I just needed to vent my frustrations from the day.


  1. Sorry your day was rough. I understand your need to feel like you belong in a church. We go to Mountaintop and it's great there. Maybe you guys could come with us one Sunday?

    And if you ever need to talk, feel free to talk to me. I miss you. And I can understand what you're feeling (I am going through some of it too.)... Maybe we can do dinner one night?


  2. I completely empathize with you and how you feel about not being pregnant yet. Remember, it took me five years... I know that doesn't help much, but I'm here for you whenever you need to talk or whatever hon.
    As for the church thing, I can't speak much to that considering I've lived down here in Calera for 6 years and can count on one hand the number of times I've been to church. The one church I feel comfortable at is six hours away! I agree that you should maybe start "auditioning" new churches, though. As one of my favorite quotes from the movie "Dogma" says:
    " is like a glass of water. When you're young, the glass is small, and it's easy to fill up. But the older you get, the bigger the glass gets, and the same amount of liquid doesn't fill it anymore. Periodically, the glass has to be refilled." I think a new church might just be the right way to go for that refill :)
    Love you darlin'... Can't wait to see you on Sunday!


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As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.
Psalm 71:14