A year ago today

What a difference a year makes.  

At this time one year ago we were on our way to the hospital for a second surgery to resect my uterine septum.  When I found out that I needed another surgery I was devastated to say the least.

When Brandon and I began seeking help from the Reproductive Endocrinologist, we were expecting to have difficulties due to Brandon's past history with testicular cancer.  We were unprepared to learn that I was carrying part of the "infertility burden" as well.  At the first HSG in June 2011, we had no idea what the radiology tech was even talking about when she said septate uterus.

*Looking back, it still amazes me at what all happened for us to be pregnant today.  God never left our side.*

Throughout our infertility journey, I do have to say that Brandon and I continued to remain hopeful that we would be parents.  Instead of waiting to schedule the second surgery, we pressed forward and booked the first available surgery appointment.  I knew that there would be recovery time to give me the "break" that my body and mind needed.  Dr. Allemand knew that I was severely upset that my first surgery with a different RE had not corrected our issues, so he provided me with visual proof that my septum was removed.

This picture is beautiful to me; it's my womb prepped to carry a child.

Today I cannot help but be reminded of what we endured to get here, but I am overfilled with joy that my uterus is now carrying my precious daughter.  I can only hope and pray that Elliana never has difficulty starting her family when the time comes, but I will trust God that He is in control.

Here are two of my older posts from both of my surgery days.  It seems surreal to look back and read my words from those days.
February 3, 2012
September 8, 2011

Egg Retrieval

Dr. Houserman retrieved 26 eggs today!

This is a LONG post about the events of our day.

I was so nervous and excited this morning.  I woke up before my alarm clock, got cleaned up, and gathered my things.  Dad showed up around 6:45am and we left the house at 7am.

We showed up to the office right on time.  It felt like it took me forever to get there because my ovaries felt like they were on fire.  It was painful to walk.  My body knew it was time to get those eggs out!  Dad stayed in the waiting room when they called us back.  I got to wear a lovely hospital gown with matching socks and a hair net.

Before

 We watched tv and played on the iPad while we waited our turn.  They had scheduled quite a few egg retrievals and a transfer scheduled for the day.  Yvonne, my nurse, was great.  She got my IV started and kept me company when it was time for Brandon to leave and do his part.

Before

They wheeled me into procedure room where it was freezing!  I got super nervous up until they started my medicine.  I couldn't stop shaking.  I prayed to God and said the Benediction.  I feel like I remember part of the procedure.  I remember being in pain.  It was bad.  I don't know if I dreamed it, or if I actually felt it.

When I woke up after the egg retrieval, Dad and Brandon were with me.  (Dad said that he went to get breakfast around 8:30-8:45am.  He said that it was good.)  Around 9:15am, Brandon came and got Dad out of the waiting room.  They went to another waiting room that was smaller.  Brandon asked if Dad could come back when I was awake.  Around 9:20am, Dr. Houserman came and told them they could come see me. 

They had me in the middle curtain "room."  Brandon woke me up.  I kept falling asleep for a while.  Brandon said that I was super concerned whether or not Dad had breakfast.  Apparently I asked this same question over and over.  Brandon was laughing and Dad said that he got emotional.  They gave me a sprite and some peanut butter crackers.  I was so hungry!  I think I kept falling asleep in between eating each cracker.

Those drugs made me tired.

With Dad.  He's done so much for us.

Trying to wake up more

After I finished my IV, Yvonne said that I could go and get dressed.  Once I got up, I felt horrible.  My abdomen was hurting and I could feel myself bleeding.  Brandon got me to the changing room/bathroom.  I was standing so he could get my hospital gown off and started feeling strange.  This part is blurry for me.  I know that I passed out twice while trying to get dressed.  I passed out once while sitting in the chair.  I passed out again but Brandon caught me.  Yvonne came in to check on us and found me feeling sick.  My face was white as a sheet and my lips were blue.  They said that I passed out from getting up after being "put under."  All I know is that was the worst I've ever felt in my life.

 After getting dressed, they me in a wheel chair.  Janet (IVF Coordinator) came back to check up on me and she gave me another sprite.  She and Dad talked to me for a while as Brandon went to get the car.  I kept dozing off until we got to the car.  We stopped at Panera on the way home to get some lunch.  Dad then dropped off my prescriptions WalMart.  They gave a script for Phenergan and Demerol.  I slept on and off the whole ride home.


Back at the house, Brandon helped me get dressed into comfortable clothes and gave me lunch in bed.  Dad and Brandon both took turns checking in on me as I ate.  I took one Demerol at 1pm.  I've slept on and off all afternoon.  I'm still tired.  My abdomen is extremely tender.  It still hurts to move, sit down, get up, etc.  The bleeding has subsided for the most part.  Brandon's been busy all day (he works from home).  Dad's been laying in bed with me for the past hour and a half.  (I hate being alone when I don't feel well).

Liz is stopping by with dinner tonight.  I can't wait!  There's no way that I could cook dinner tonight.  Plus, Brandon's been busy taking care of me and working all day, so I know he's tired.  I've got some great friends!  

I should get a call tomorrow letting us know how many eggs were viable, and how many fertilized.  Our embryo transfer is scheduled for Monday, June 25 at 10:15am.  Our beta is scheduled for Thursday, July 5 (since they are closed on July 4).

Thank you for reading.  Thank you for praying and sending your well wishes.  I cannot wait to see what the next few days hold for us.

Great Surgery

The surgery went extremely well!  I don't think they took me back until 11am or so, but our pastor, Liz, and Katherine all stopped by before hand and that kept us occupied.  =)  Also, I got to meet Kayla yesterday, which was great!  We've only been talking since November!! haha

Dr. Allemand spoke with us before the surgery to again describe what we were doing.  During the surgery, he took before and after pictures and let me have them!  The septum was completely resected.  When he looked at my right tube, everything looked great.  The septum had hindered his view of the right tube during the HSG.  He did upgrade my diagnosis of Endometriosis to Stage II, and removed some adhesions. 

My MIL, Peggy, drove from North Carolina yesterday and was at the hospital once I came out of recovery.  It was nice to have some extra help around the house.  Eleanna brought us dinner last night, so no one had to cook.  I haven't had much of an appetite; I'm just extremely thirsty!!  It was almost 5pm when we got home, so I never napped.  I fell asleep somewhere around 10pm or so and felt like I woke up on and off all night.  I had to get up to pee a lot, but that was expected with them putting me to sleep along with having a catheter.

Overall I would call the surgery a success!  I'm on the road to recovery, and am looking forward to what the future holds for us!  I will post my surgery before and after pictures soon!!

Surgery

My surgery is scheduled for 9am tomorrow.  (That's central time here in Alabama).  We have to arrive at 7am so I can finish up any paperwork, give them more money, and get me admitted. 

I understand that not all of my readers are Christian.  If you are, please pray for the doctors and myself.  If you don't pray, please think of me and send me your positive vibes.  =)  I am praying for the surgeons, nurses, and everyone that will be present during my procedure tomorrow.  I pray that God is with me and them in the operating room. I pray that they safely remove the septum, any leftover endometriosis, and correct whatever is wrong with my right tube/ovary. Thank you!

Here's to writing my last post with my busted plumbing!! =)

One more day

Tomorrow is the big day.  This week has seemed to drag by.  We went to church last night and a few of the ladies prayed over me.  They anointed my head with oil and each prayed for peace and healing.  Once they laid their hands on me I felt God's hands.  I was able to lay down and go to sleep last night without feeling sick.  I know that tomorrow will be a new day full of emotions, but He will be with me. I will post once the hospital calls with the scheduled surgery time.

Stress

Yesterday was blah.  My head was pounding half of the day and I felt like I was in a fog.  My chest started hurting and I felt like I did when they told me I needed another surgery.  I wasn't even thinking about the week or anything.  The pain just came on out of nowhere. 

We kept Hayden for Liz last night.  He's the perfect baby!  He was so quiet!!  He ate his dinner and played with all of our superhero toys.  He pulled up on everything and even acted like he was going to walk.  It was nice to get to play with him and get some snuggle time in.

Hayden reminded me of why we're doing all of this. =) Sometimes having a baby seems so far away.  There is always some obstacle in the way; surgery, recovery, sperm, medicines, etc.  We have been trying for about 1.5 years now.  I cannot believe we've made it this far.  I cannot believe we're still getting along (haha)!  This whole process has been extremely stressful for us, but we've done the best we can.  Infertility does NOT come with a handbook. =)

This Week!

Thursday is Brandon's last day with his job.  He's been a Property Manager for well over 10 years.  I am so proud of him, and cannot wait for him to start his new job with HD Supply next week. 

The weekend was great!  After work on Saturday, I went to Rachel's Pageant at PHS.  It's been 8 years since I graduated high school, and I had some emotions walking through those doors again!  Rachel made Top 25 and I had a fun time looking at all the pretty dresses.  =)  Yesterday we got up and went to church, ate breakfast, and took a nap.  I think I slept for about 3 hours, and I needed it.  I was starting to feel like I was getting sick.  Once we were both up, we started preparing our taxes and cleaning.  You don't even want to know about our taxes!  Even though we spent so much on fertility issues, we somehow OWE this year.  I am irate!!  BUT we vacuumed the floors, B cleaned both bathrooms, I did laundry, and we actually put away some of the laundry! ;-) 

Brandon's Mom is coming to town on Friday, so I wanted the house to be clean.  Also, there's no way I was going to sit around after surgery looking at a dirty house.  Hopefully this week will run smoothly.  I have too much to do this week!!

February 3rd

My surgery is set for next Friday.  I am thrilled that Dr. Allemand was able to fit me into his surgery schedule.  They said that they would call me next Thursday with the actual time.

What sucks is that it's the beginning of the year and we haven't met our deductible yet.  I paid $956 today.  =(  I'm glad that we have a savings account, but it still hurt to spend that much money!!  At least we had it.  I know it will all be worth it when I have my sweet baby in my arms!

Recovering =)

Surgery went well!  I got to leave the hospital around 11ish.  They completely removed the septum!!  That's the first thing I remember being told in recovery.  Dr. Bates found Stage I Endo and removed that as well.  I'm feeling much better than I expected.  I'm not even that sleepy.  I just keep having to pee!!!  I was taking a nap and my bladder woke me up.  Guess they kept me well hydrated with my IV during surgery.  I have a yucky sore throat and some cramps, but nothing unbearable.  I've been told that tomorrow will be the "bad day."  I'll give another update tomorrow.  =)

**I think I'm feeling so good because I've wanted this surgery since June when it was previously cancelled and now I'm one step closer to becoming a Mommy.  I'm euphoric. =)

Surgery today

Today is the big day.  I am terrified!  We have to be at the hospital by 5am for me to check in and my surgery is scheduled for 7:15am.  At my pre-op appointment yesterday, I was there for almost 3 hours.  They were running behind, but everything was straightforward.  They'll tell us more today about my recovery and when we can start TTC again.

  B and I went ahead and got our showers last night and I've had my bag packed for days!  The house is clean, and I'm about to possibly start another load of laundry because I got up about an hour early.  I guess I was too nervous to sleep!

While I was trying to drift off to sleep last night I actually visualized what the surgery.  That was the WRONG thing to think about before bed!  My prayer today is that the anesthesia is great and keeps me knocked out and leaves me with no pain!  I will update my blog as soon as I can make it to the computer!!! 

Surgery tomorrow

I'm having surgery tomorrow.  I can't believe that I've made it this far.  My pre-op appointment is this morning at 10am.  They will give me my scheduled surgery time and go over protocol for my recovery.  Never in my life have I been so excited, scared, and nervous all at the same time.  I couldn't even sleep in this morning!!  I will update later today after my appointment and am back at work!! =)

Nervous

Brandon's birthday is on Thursday!  I've been emailing, texting, and facebooking everyone making sure that they know about his surprise birthday dinner.  I can't believe I've kept it a secret from him this long.

I had a great weekend.  I worked a half day Saturday and we went to the river to see my Granny on Sunday.  I'm working today and will be off Saturday to go the Bama game with Brandon.

I'm having surgery next week!  I can't believe it's almost here.  The summer flew by and now I'm starting to get nervous about it.

One month away...

Brandon and I spent the weekend in Louisiana.  We had thought that his Granny was getting better, but that was not the case.  She's about 83 years old and has been in the hospital for over a month.  I'm sad that I never got to meet her when she was well.  They are trying to to move her from the hospital to her home where she can pass peacefully and return "home."  I anticipate that we will be returning to Louisiana sooner rather than later. 

I'm 9dpo today and am going to call my RE nurse to talk about what I need to do for surgery.  My thinking is that she'll call me in a Rx for BCP again to keep my lining thin for surgery next month.  I don't think I could handle having a natural cycle and then taking Provera right before surgery.  =/  BUT, I will leave it up to the professionals. 

When I looked at the calendar I didn't even realize that I was one month away from surgery.  My mind has been occupied with too many other things... Good things.  Someone close to me is in the midst of fertility "stuff" and it's so difficult to not talk about it here-BUT it's not my news to report to the internet.  I know that many of my readers don't know me IRL, but some do.  I will only say that tomorrow will be an extremely important day.  =)

September 8....

My nurse confirmed me for surgery on Sept 8.  I'm super excited that it's truly going to happen on that day.  B's urologist appointment Friday was a huge let-down.  The DR acted like he was unclear about why we made the appointment.  Our RE told us that it was advised to go to a urologist about the elevated FSH levels in Brandon.  They did a repeat SA and we have yet to receive the results.  I had Brandon call our nurse and leave a message earlier this morning.   As far as the surgery's concerned, we'll have to still pay some $ OOP (out of pocket), but that was expected.

So no real news.  I'm still waiting for my surgery in September and now waiting to see if B's SA fluctuated at all.  Lots of waiting.....

Impatiently waiting...

Finally it's Friday.  My car is already fixed.  Thankfully it only needed a new battery. 

Of the blogs I read, everyone is talking about IUIs and test results.  I feel left behind until September.  I took my last BCP on Tuesday and am still waiting on AF to arrive.  Being a planner, I enjoyed scheduling all of the DR appointments and knowing when things were going to happen.  Now I feel like I have no idea.  I can't remember how long it typically took AF to arrive after BCP.  I have no idea what type of cycle I will have next.  I don't even think I'll temp.  I mean, it doesn't matter if I know when I ovulate or not....CM will be noticeable anyway.

Yesterday at work we looked at different photographers' websites.  They were filled with maternity and newborn pictures.  I was so excited to think about what types of photos Brandon and I would want with out child.  I didn't get upset, but couldn't stop thinking about them as I went to sleep last night.  I can't wait until Brandon and I are pregnant.  Previously, it had seemed so close within reach and now it doesn't.  If I can just make it through these two months and get closer to September.  By the way, it's looking like September 8 will be my tentative surgery date.   

Father's Day

I spent Father's Day with my Dad on the lake yesterday.  We rode around drinking beer.  It was a nice day.  I only got upset a few times, but kept it to myself.  Brandon admitted that it sucked to not be a father on Father's Day.  It made me feel better that he's not numb to infertility.

Only about ten days or so until my surgery.  Is it weird to be excited about surgery?  I guess I'm just ready to have it so we're one step closer to becoming parents.  

Surgery

I went back to see the RE on Wednesday.  He feels positive that it's a septate uterus.  I am scheduled for surgery Thursday, June 30.  At the moment, I'm excited that it's so close!  We were afraid that it wouldn't be until July or later.  The recovery time isn't too long, so I'll hopefully have a medicated IUI cycle around August! 

Dr. Bates started me on BCP to keep my lining thin for the surgery.  Thus far I've had little or no side effects. My stomach is cramping this morning, but I'm not sure if it's nerves or the BCP.  It hit me this morning that I was supposed to have my IUI today.  I just feel that I was so close to being a mother and it was stolen from me.  I know the risks that were involved with conceiving with a septate uterus and it's better that I'm not pregnant right now.

Maybe work will be busy today so I don't have to think about "what might have been."  I'm asking God for patience and understanding today.