Sleep Training

How is it August already?  This summer is moving by so quickly and football season is only a few weekends away.  Where has the time gone?  My little girl will be all grown before I know it!!!!!

Up until now Ellie has not been on a defined schedule.  That is ALL changing!  Ellie had been crying a lot and wasn't taking good naps.  She would wake easily and her tummy was bothering her a lot.  I made another pediatrician appointment for yesterday and saw a different doctor.  This doctor told me that Ellie needed a schedule with specific sleep times and she also needed to learn how to self soothe.  Whew!  Hearing this was so hard.  I had waited for this little angel for so long and I just wanted to spoil her as much as possible.  I've mentioned previously that we've co-slept with Ellie since birth.  She wouldn't sleep any other way.

After we got home from our appointment yesterday afternoon I began the transition into scheduling sleep.

E.A.S.Y.

Eat

Activity

Sleep

Yourself

The acronym is pretty self explanatory.  Ellie eats.  I then burp her and change her diaper if I haven't already.  I sit her in the bouncy seat and we play with our toys and I read to her sometimes as well.  (I actually read a Charlaine Harris book to her aloud this morning- haha.)  When I see her getting a little sleepy, I get her up and swaddle her and rock her for a few minutes before returning her to the bassinet.  If she wakes I check on her after about 15 minutes or so, hold her hand for a minute or two and then leave again.

Surprisingly enough this is a great system.  Until now Ellie had been eating every 2 hours!  It left little to no time for me to do anything.  I was a little concerned at the frequency of her feedings as was the pediatrician. Since yesterday, I've been able to stretch out her feedings as well as have her sleep in her bassinet by my side of the bed.  Brandon slept in the guest room last night since he had to leave early to drive to Mississippi for the day.  Ellie did so much better than I expected and was able to be calmed down by holding my hand during the night.  I did miss my snuggles with my little princess, but I felt great knowing that she was safely swaddled next to me in her own sleep space.

It will definitely take us some time to completely adjust to this schedule and new sleeping arrangements, but we can do it.

Watching Mommy dry her hair and put on make up.  She's mesmerized by the hairdryer!

"It's a wonderful day to be nude!"
At the pediatrician's office waiting for the doctor to come in.

This may be one of my favorite pictures of her.
I'm so in love with my little girl.

One Month Away and Thank You

We are one month away, or 30 days out from our estimated due date.  My mind can barely comprehend how quickly this pregnancy has flown by.  And when you're talking about a pregnancy achieved by Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART), you're talking about ONE. LONG. PREGNANCY!

Our In Vitro Journey began on May 5 last year when my new cycle started.  From there I took BCP, added Lupron Injections, began another cycle, added stimulation drugs (Follistim and Menopur) and made it to our Egg Retrieval date on June 20.  When we arrived at the clinic on June 25 for our tentative transfer, it was evident that I had severe Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS) and needed to be admitted to drain the excess fluid from my abdomen.  Talk about disappointment, but I was in so much pain that I never cried over our cancelled embryo transfer.  I laid in a hospital bed for five days and looked to God for the answers.  He had never stopped seeking me and I finally allowed myself to rely on Him instead of taking the situation into my own hands.

We let my body heal over a rest cycle and began our first Frozen Embryo Transfer on August 12.  If you're keeping track of your pregnancy from your last menstrual period (LMP), our pregnancy with Elliana started on August 12.  That makes this one super duper long pregnancy!  We failed our first lining check, but took one extra week to  thicken the lining of my uterus and were able transfer two beautiful embryos on September 6, 2012.

On September 10, 2012 I took a HPT and it was positive.  All blood tests confirmed pregnancy and here we are today one month away from the estimated arrival of our daughter.

God answered our prayers to have a child and Brandon and I will forever be thankful.

We would not have endured our journey without some very special people in our lives.  God sent us some special people at different times throughout our journey to help us along the way.

• Sheri, my amazing sister-in-law.  She too endured her own battle with infertility and provided me with support from the first day that I threw out my birth control.  She told me everything that she knew and always helped me find answers when she didn't happen.  I called her first from leaving all of my appointments.  I couldn't have gotten through all of this without her.  She stood by my side through our infertility and pregnancy, and she will stand by my side as I deliver Elliana.
• Dad.  There's not enough space here to tell all that he did for Brandon and me.  I will be writing about my father's love and support in another blog post before Elliana arrives.  What he did for us must be shared.
• Joy, my daughter's (middle) namesake.  She covered us in prayer from the moment she met us.  She allowed me to love on her own miracle child when times were hard.  She went to appointments when Brandon could not and even accompanied both us us when we needed another set of ears to hear.  She showed up to the hospital with goodies when I was admitted.  During our embryo transfer she held Brandon's hand and prayed over me during the procedure.  She was always a positive voice to me and just knew that the transfer would work and give us a child.
• Tonisha, my long-distance friend from Oklahoma. Her love for us has been written in the blog more than once.  She donated much needed medication to us and sewed Elliana's first baby quilt.  She showed me God's love and how He can use anyone to catch your attention.  She and I share different views about religion, but she showed me what it is to love your neighbor better than anyone else could.
• Liz, my college friend turned best friend.  We never seemed to lose touch like most people do when they graduate.  She too had her fair share of trouble when it came to getting pregnant, and was always there to lend a supportive ear.  There were many dinner and drinks nights when we had received unsettling news.  She was here with dinner when I had surgeries and even showed up to the hospital with a baby to just sit with me once before they wheeled me back.  She brought me good food in the hospital, presents when we confirmed our pregnancy, pretty pink cupcakes to celebrate Elliana's gender, and is hosting my baby shower.  She's such the perfect Southern woman and I'm trying to take some tips from her.  She's not your traditional Proverbs 31 woman, but she's pretty dang close in her own way. 
• Jennifer, my former coworker and friend.  God bless her heart, she had to hear me cry and complain so much through our infertility and pregnancy,  BUT she never got upset by it and let me vent.  She always reminded me to find the positive and "silver lining" in every situation.  She researched stones for fertile properties and gave me a rose quartz to wear.  She somehow survived all of my crazy hormonal days and hot flashes and still likes me.  There's a special place in Heaven for her.
• Paul, my former boss.  Not many men understand the desire of a woman to have a child, but he did.  He knew upon hiring me that my greatest desire was to start a family.  He knew more about my follicles, endometrial lining, and hot flashes than any man other than my husband and fertility doctor ever wanted to know.  He always told me that my family came first and supported our journey.  Asking for time off for fertility procedures was never a problem, and I can remember him calling to check on me before surgeries and while I was in the hospital.  I was lucky to work in a loving environment that supported me.
• Tiffany.  My pregnancy would have felt different without her.  After we announced that we were expecting, so many other women in the church also said that they too were pregnant all around our due date.  Tiffany told me in person after her first test.  I think she knew that it would be easier for me to hear it from her.  Our due dates are two days apart and she has given me so much support.  Because it took us so much to achieve our pregnancy,  I still found myself jealous of other women who were expecting, but never her.  I completely ignored other pregnant women except for her.  I just know that our daughters are going to be best friends.
• Rachel, my former coworker and surrogate daughter.  How many 17 year old girls know how to administer fertility drugs?  I didn't keep up with how many injections Rach gave me, but it was a LOT.  She was nervous on the first few but then it just came as second nature.  She attended "mom functions" with me at church, gave me a mother's day gift, and spent the night with me when Brandon traveled.  She's well beyond her years already and has such a big heart for such a young girl.
• Nicole, a lost connection from college.  In her own infertility journey, Nicole found me and we started talking.  It's always nice to be able to talk to someone in person who is also battling infertility.  I'm so happy that she's 10 weeks behind me in her pregnancy with their son, Isaac.  
• Our family.  They were all so excited when we called saying that we were pregnant and even more excited when we found out her gender.  Elliana is the FIRST granddaughter (and great-granddaughter) on Brandon's side of the family and the FIRST grandchild (and great-grandchild) on my side.  
• Our faith family.  Calera First United Methodist Church has never stopped covering us in prayer. Terry and Carolyn prayed over us many times and annointed us with oil.  Terry made hospital appearances when I wasn't even sure he knew I was there!  I'm not sure how many women saw my hiney when I'd search people to help with progesterone injections, but they were all there to hold my hand and laugh at the joys of our pregnancy.  The previous church we attended never provided us with much support so I was astonished at the outpouring of love we received when we opened up about our infertility.  Elliana will have the biggest family because of the faith family that God gave us.

There are so many other people who influenced us along this journey.  It would take days for me to write about all of them.  Again, I am finding myself full of sentiment these days and I want it all recorded before I forget these feelings.  I'm looking to this blog post as the thank you card that can never fade away.

Join the Movement and Break the Silence

Why do so many couples remain silent about their infertility issues?  Because I've always been an open book, I do not see how someone could keep it secret.

My husband and I knew early on in our marriage that we wanted to have children.  Because of his past history with Testicular Cancer we knew that we may encounter difficulty but had no idea what was in store for us.  In June 2010 I threw out my birth control and we were ready to  begin "trying."  Prepared with my basal body thermometer and charting software I thought we would be pregnant in no time. Boy was I wrong...

Nothing could have prepared us for the following years.  I will be the first to admit that we had it easier than others.  Our journey only lasted around two years, but those two years were difficult.  So many others struggle much longer only to remain childless.  Our pathway included much anxiety, depression, anger, and all around hopelessness.  We went through  much testing to realize that I also carried half of our infertility burden.  We became pregnant after our first Frozen Embryo Transfer that followed a severe case of OHSS during IVF, two surgeries, a uterine seprtum diagnosis, Endometriosis diagnosis, and one chemical pregnancy.  In those two years our marriage strengthened and grew.  We were luckier than others and drew closer to one another and God in our grief.

Instead of keeping our infertility problems secret, we chose to be open.  When interviewing for a new job, I told my employer that we were trying to get pregnant.  Once I was hired and months passed by it was obvious that something was going on to my boss.  He was more than supportive and always told me that expanding my family came first.  Our families knew that we desperately wanted to begin our family.  We often encountered the typical responses of "you have plenty of time" but we brushed it off.  As we began to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist we made sure that our family and friends knew we would most likely not achieve pregnancy on our own.

My Dad could not understand how he and my mother had me so easily yet I could not get pregnant.  My Mom secretly hid her grief of my infertility to stay strong for me.  They have never told me, but I believe that my parents felt guilt and sadness that they could not help me have the only thing I've ever wanted. 

Looking back I know that our journey would have been different had we not chosen to share our infertility journey.  We received much unwanted and unsolicited advice, but it was only from well-meaning  individuals who cared about us.  In sharing, I was able to help other women around me through my blog with their own infertility burdens.  The relationships that I have now in the infertility community are strong and I could not have made it this far without them.

Our daughter, Elliana Joy Boyington, is due on May 25, 2013.  The name "Elliana" means "The Lord Responded" and that He did.  We will forever be grateful for the gift of her because we prayed for this child like so many other couples facing infertility.

For more information you may visit the following links:
Basic understanding of the disease of infertility
About NIAW

Swelling, Carpal Tunnel, and the Belly

When I saw Dr. Mac yesterday, we did talk about the pain I've been feeling in my hands.  It's pretty much Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.  Apparently it's common during pregnancy.  See article here.

The pain started out of nowhere this weekend.  I have been noticing more swelling as time moves on, but there was no pain associated with it.  By no means is it anything unbearable, but it is uncomfortable.

In other swelling news, my legs and ankles are huge by the end of the day!  I take many breaks while doing stuff around the house, but the swelling is here to stay.  Our church prepares dinner on Wednesday evenings so I showed up at 3:30 pm yesterday to help.  The meal was delicious (as always)!  Once I got home around 8 pm my ankles looked awful.  When I know that I'm going to be on my feet for a while I wear sneakers.  This is the aftermath...

The socks I was wearing had hearts on them, so I had hearts imprinted on my legs!!  The funny thing is that my ankles and feet didn't hurt too much at all.  They were just funny to look at!

My Dad helps cook at church on Wednesday evenings and he made the remark that I looked bigger than I did on Sunday.  I believe him!  I actually feel bigger and have been gaining some weight this week.  I anticipate weighing 160 lbs by my weigh-in on Saturday morning.

Adult Large t-shirts are now tight over my belly.  

The linea nigra is growing up past my belly button now.  My belly button stays out about 99% of the time except for when I lay on my back and Elliana shifts position.

The belly doesn't look as big from this angle but it's definitely hanging out there.  I cannot imagine how big I will look by the end of the month.  I may end up with some stretch marks on my tummy before Elliana makes her grand arrival.

Rant:  My growing belly is now starting to cause me much more discomfort.  My back only hurts when Elliana is nestled under my right rib.  It doesn't matter if I sit or stand, my back aches.  The belly also makes bending over incredibly difficult.  Sometimes I cannot even roll myself out of bed.  I scoot my legs off of the bed and wait for them to find the floor and I do a weird slide off of the bed.  Rolling over is also difficult and I'm sure that I'm funny to watch.  It was almost impossible to carry Nesia on my right hip last night because of Elliana.

Realization:  With all of that being said, I still find myself so very blessed to be carrying this big belly around.  In the tearfully pain moments I remind myself that we prayed for this child and waited for God to give her to us.  There are so many women who would give anything to be in my shoes right now.  This pain and uncomfortable-ness will pass and our lives will be filled with joy.

51 days until our due date...

Birth Plan

Call me crazy, but I have already written our birth plan.  If Brandon and I had not encountered trouble conceiving, I highly doubt that I would have constructed a birth plan.  I have full intentions of laboring and having an epidural, but there are so many particulars about us that I felt it necessary to write them down on paper.  It's hard enough now for me to collect my thoughts and relay them to others, so I am positive that I will be glad to have my wishes written out on paper on delivery day!

When I sat down to start writing, I pulled a few examples from the internet.  I printed out the fill-in birth plan from The Bump and wrote down my thoughts from there.  I also took some liberties and added more information, such as our phone numbers, emergency contacts other than Brandon and myself, our pediatrician, and my current medications and allergies.

Some important issues for me to list were:  pain medicine, labor augmentation, c-section, and family and friend visitors.

• Unless there is something wrong, I do NOT want to be induced!  I do believe that Brandon and I deserve one "normal" thing in this pregnancy.  The thrill of my contractions becoming closer together (and worsening) or my water breaking in the middle of the night is something that we want.  
• I do NOT want a c-section unless it is absolutely necessary.  My pelvic pain had me terrified of a vaginal birth, but I want the experience of delivering Elliana unless the doctors see reason for a c-section.
• There are many different ways to deliver a baby, and some Moms choose to deliver with or without pain medication.  I WANT an epidural.  Again, with my pelvic pain there is NO way that I can push baby girl out of my hoo-ha without it!
• As far as visitors are concerned, Brandon and I know that we do NOT want any family or friend visitors for the first hour after Elliana is born.  The idea of trying to bond with our daughter and me breastfeed with a room full of people staring at me doesn't sound appealing at all.  Thankfully, Brookwood does NOT allow family in the room after delivery unless it's cleared with the Mom.  Elliana and I will be able to bond over breast feeding, and Brandon wants to engage her in "skin-to-skin" shortly after her birth as well.  I don't think we're asking too much, and I hope that our families will understand.  We did wait 26 months to be blessed with a healthy pregnancy, and it's been one LONG pregnancy!

At the end of the plan, I wrote a simple note thanking the nurses and doctors for reading our wishes.  Brandon and I have dreamed of this day for so long and I will do anything that I can now to plan and prepare myself for delivery day.  We both know that plans do change, and I have no idea what Elliana's birth day will hold for us, but sure like feeling prepared!  I plan on giving the birth plan to our nurse as soon as we enter the hospital (maybe along with some candy or other goodies!)

Once all of the finishing touches are in place I will post our birth plan here for y'all to take a peek (and see truly how OCD I am)!

Countdown:  9 weeks 4 days

Bronchitis

I am so thankful that I only have Bronchitis! We were at the ER for a total of 4.5 hours today. We are both exhausted!

They ordered blood work, a flu test, and chest X-ray. My white blood cell count was still high at 13,000 but down from 17,000 last Wednesday. The flu test was negative an the chest X-ray was clean.

They have me a steroid shot in the hiney and two different Rx. I'm on yet another antibiotic (third new one in five days) and they also gave me some eye drops.

Brandon and I are both grateful that it's nothing too serious. I'm also thankful that they let me come home rather than staying overnight. Don't get me wrong, Bronchitis is NO fun either. I'm hoping and praying to start feeling better now. I'm going back to Brookwood on Friday for my 3-hour GTT, doctor appointment, and 3D ultrasound. It will be a busy day but we cannot wait to see our precious Elliana again!

Thank you for all of the support!

It's Friday

Today I am thankful that it's Friday, even though my weekend is already completely full of events leaving me with no time to rest...

Brandon is traveling to Pensacola for work today,  returning home sometime tomorrow.  We've got a worship service at church this evening that Brandon was supposed to help with, so I'm planning to leave work early today for that.  Tomorrow will be the last Saturday that I'm working at the jewelry store.  (I'll elaborate more about that in a minute.)  We're eating dinner with my Mom and the kids (Nate and Beth) tomorrow evening.  It's been a month since we saw them last and it's just too long.  With all of our busy schedules it's hard to spend time with my Mom.  I know that things will be different once Ellie's here, but it doesn't change the fact that I miss my family now!  Brandon's youngest sister celebrated her birthday yesterday, so we're having Sunday Lunch after church with our Italian family.  Did I also mention that my LIFE group meets each Sunday afternoon at 4pm?  I'm tired already thinking about all that's going on this weekend, but at least it's all family stuff.  I'd much rather be busy with my family than doing nothing at all.  

We were crazy busy at the store the past two days.  People that have or currently work in retail don't even have a clue what it's like to work in a jewelry store on the week of Valentine's Day!  Not to brag, but I made not one-not two, but THREE nice sales yesterday.  Selling used to be so easy for me, but it changed once I got pregnant.  My numbers started dropping in August.  Paul talked to me about it, but understood that I had a lot going on.  Yesterday was just what I needed to boost my self-confidence in the store.  Of course, it's super easy to sell jewelry to men when they've waited until the last minute to buy. 

Brandon and I didn't do anything special to celebrate Valentine's Day.  We ordered Ellie's changing table and lamp and counted that as our gift to each other.  He did stop by work with some beautiful red tulips for Ellie and me.  Dad dropped by and we went out to lunch together while it was slow at work.  At the end of the evening, Paul gave us all a beautiful diamond (horizontal-set) cross pendant.  He usually gives us all roses, but we gave them all away to our customers!  Brandon and I "crafted" once I was home--we had to put the finishing touches on some items for the worship service at church this evening.  Even though there was no candy or gifts, it was one of the best we've ever had.  I can only imagine how amazing it will be next year with our snuggly little Ellie Valentine!

Working has become difficult lately because I feel so terrible most of the time.  I sit down as much as possible during the slow times, but there wasn't much down time this week.  During a quiet moment I asked Paul if I could reduce my hours through the end of March.  He was more than supportive and knows that I'm struggling each day.  I don't think I could have asked for a better boss.  He supported us so much while we were trying to conceive.  When I had surgeries and needed time off due to treatment, he never docked my pay- NOT ONCE.  I will miss not being in the store.  Everyone is like my extended family because I see them more than anyone else; including Brandon.  I have no doubt that I will make frequent visits with Ellie so I don't get cabin fever at the house while she's still little.

I had really wanted to continue working full-time through March 29, but I now know that there's no way.  Brandon has always taken care of our finances, and I completely trust him with that task.  When we get paid, he gives the first 10% to the church.  I whole-heartedly believe this is why we have what we do.  There's always enough money to pay the bills, pay our life-insurance, and pay our savings.  God hasn't failed us yet(nor do I believe that he will) in the financial department.  Not to say that we haven't had our fair share of struggles, but God has taken good care of us.  I am nervous to see my paycheck lessen, but I know that God is in control. 

Update on my back--it still hurts!  My hip is also still bothering me, but I visited the chiropractor this morning.  I plan on getting some much needed rest next week. 

4 More Days

Is it Monday yet???  (Beta is scheduled for Monday, September 17!)

Believe me, I've had so much going on to keep me busy, but Monday still seems so far away.  Brandon and I have continued to believe in this cycle.

There's no room for negative thoughts on Team Baby Sneakers!  

Brandon has been out of town the past two days and returns today.  I went to an infertility support group Monday night, had praise band practice on Tuesday evening, and had bible study last night.  Tonight will be the first evening that I've been at home all week!  I have never been so thankful for such busy evenings.

*As far as symptoms are concerned...
*I'm having slight cramps whenever I stand for a period of time.
*I'm still tired after a full night's sleep.
*My chest stopped feeling so sensitive (PIO injections) and then began hurting WORSE and "they" are now growing (without me being too graphic)
*Certain foods seem awful!  Things that I would usually enjoy are making me gag.

These all have to be good signs, right?!?   

Great Appointment

Our appointment went well this morning.  My lining measured .08cm- exactly what the doctor ordered ! They took a culture of my lining (which was blue), and I expect everything to be fine there.  It was so funny....the NP casually said, "Oh, I see you're on Estrace."

They usually leave word on my patient voicemail by 2pm.  Then they will provide me with my updated calendar- which is the same as before only a week behind.  I will start antibiotics tomorrow, along with Progesterone-in-Oil injections!  Our Embryo Transfer should happen on Thursday!  I am hopeful that we will get beta results the following Friday (September 14).

This is the closest we've ever been! We are beyond excited!!!  Thank you for all of the text messages!!

Appointment

My appointment didn't go as well as expected.  My uterine lining was only 0.58cm and they like it to be closer to 0.80cm for transfer.  Dr. Allemand is in surgery each Friday morning, so he will review my chart and plan accordingly.  I should hear back from ART sometime this afternoon.  There's still time to change my medicine/protocol and continue to move forward... It's the "not knowing" that is difficult.  Thankfully there's been a lot to do at work to keep me busy until they call.

Thankfully I did not have an "unglued" moment.  I did cry and get upset, but this isn't the end.  My calendar is just going to change.  God still has this.  I still trust Him.  And His timing is always better than mine.

FET cycle has started

As of today, I am CD 4!  AF arrived Sunday morning.  Again, it is strange to be so excited about such a thing, but it just brings us steps closer to becoming parents.  I called ART Monday morning and they are currently preparing my calendar/protocol and will mail it once they are finished.

I began taking Estrace (Estradiol) 2mg twice daily on Monday.  This is to prepare my uterine lining for the embryo transfer.  Until I get my protocol, I am unsure of when everything will happen.  As of now, I am looking to Sheri (my amazing SIL) for advice, support, and calendar planning.  She did a FET cycle last August and we are using her info as a template until I get my packet in the mail.

With her cycle, she went in for a(an)

• ultrasound/lining check on CD12 ("ovulation day")
• Embryo Transfer on CD18/6dpo
• beta (pregnancy test) CD27/15dpo/9dpt

So far, this cycle is MUCH EASIER than anything related to our IVF cycle.  Taking BCP, Lupron, Follistim + Menopur, and Novarel was crazy!  Popping one tiny pill each morning and night is much simpler than any injection.  Today starts day three of taking the Estrogen, and I have yet to feel any side effects/symptoms (which is GREAT).  I will have to start  the progesterone-in-oil (PIO) injections closer to the time of transfer, but they are easy as long as someone else is administering it.

I will continue to update my FET page with all medicines, side effects, symptoms, and anything else related to the cycle (as I did with our IVF#1 attempt).

Also, I have been posting on Twitter lately (updating about fertility junk and zombies as usual).

Random-Off Day-Zombies

Thank you for all of the support on yesterday's blog post What God Revealed to Me.  There are four more entries that I am planning to post throughout the course of this week and the next.

I'm off today and have no doctor's appointment!  My favorite weeks are the ones WITHOUT appointments.   =) (For the past year or so, I've spent most of my days off at the fertility clinic).  Yes, they're trying to get me prego, but it becomes tiring spending so much time there-haha.  I've already went grocery shopping, put up the groceries, and finished a load of laundry!  It's starting out to be a great day.

I said this post was random ...
I had an extremely realistic dream about zombies last night.  It's like I was in The Walking Dead!  (One of our FAVORITE shows as well as my FAVORITE graphic novel)  I guess it wasn't exactly realistic because the zombies had the ability to talk.  Well, zombies aren't real, so it wasn't realistic, but you get my point. =)

Jennifer posted this on my Facebook timeline yesterday! 

Follow me on Twitter
@Mrs_Sneakers
(for more TTC humor, random crazy pictures from work, and zombies!)

I hope that everyone has a lovely Wednesday!  

TGIF

It must be the progesterone injection working and AF approaching, because I've been in a TERRIBLE mood!  I crawled in bed at 7:30 last night after inhaling my dinner.  Today cannot end quick enough for me.  PMS and AF are making me one crazy, hungry, grumpy lady! 

I hope everyone has a GREAT weekend and steers clear of me! =)

Random pictures

"A picture is worth a thousand words."

today

today
I know, I'm crazy

today
These are on Jenna's phone.  I hijacked it. 

today
Jenna and myself

today
My boss 

Date night watching Hunter Lawley
7-20

We hijacked Joy's phone
7-20

7-26
My boss is pretty awesome

7-25
Sarah Hope

7-25
Hannah Grace

7-25
The kiddos wrapping their gift for their Mom's birthday

B's welcome home note
7-25

today
My Journal of Daily Blessings 2.0
Writing on loose leaf notebook paper wasn't working anymore

Ovulation... CHECK!

For those of you who are unfamiliar with BBT charting, the above is my chart for this current break cycle.  Those beautiful red lines indicate that I ovulated on my own with no help from stimulation drugs!  Now, there is a myth/wive's tale that some women retain the follicle stimulating drugs in their system after an IVF cycle.  All that matters to me is that I ovulated on my own, and am now 3 dpo.  

By my usual pattern, I should have about 11 more days until my new cycle begins and we start moving forward with our FET!  I will call ART on DAY 1 of my next cycle and begin taking estrace on CD3.  I'm still unsure about protocol and such with a FET cycle.  It will be a learning process.

• Please continue to pray for our precious frozen embryos.  
• Please pray for Brandon and me that we will continue to move forward hopeful and with a joyful heart.

For a better description of the acronyms used in this post, visit my Lingo page.  I have them all listed on my page, along with a description and link with more useful information when necessary.

Making a GOOD day

Tuesday was a pretty great day. Praise the LORD!

I easily could have let myself lay in bed and cry, and thought about it hard! I slept in until 8am, and didn't get up out of bed until 10am.  I put up countless loads of laundry, did the dishes, cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed the house, and swept the floors in the kitchen and guest bathroom.  Dad and I went to WalMart, grabbed some lunch, and also went to the Calera Farmer's Market. We had On Fire practice at church last night so that distracted me from missing Brandon (He's in Mississippi working and comes home today!)

It was a good day to have a GREAT day.  God continues to give me more things to write about in my DAILY JOURNAL OF BLESSINGS.  Right now I'm just jotting down fragments onto notebook paper, but I may have to find something else!  You might think it strange, but I love tangible evidence of all of the good things happening to not only me, but those around me.

We received the medical bill for my hospital stay.  It was only $500.  We both thought it would be much more and are extremely happy.  Again, I cannot reiterate how good God is.  There is no doubt in my mind that our medical bills will mostly likely total $25,000 for this year alone.  Our medical expenses are adding up to my paycheck.  BUT we are not going without anything.  We're giving out tithe first and moving along from there.
If you don't believe me about the tithe thing, look HERE at my COST page.  Then just try to tell me that God doesn't take care of it. =)

Second Anniversary of our Fertility Struggle

As of today, we have been trying to conceive for two years.  I love numbers, so here are a few random statistics about our journey thus far:

• 22 cycles to date of trying to conceive a child
• 730 prenatal vitamins consumed by me
• BBT (basal body temperature) taken approximately 700 times
• 50+ injections given at home & work
• 32 pregnancy tests taken at home & work
• 20 opk (ovulation predictor kit) taken at home & work
• 20 vaginal ultrasounds 
• 3 HSGs (dye test)
• 2 surgeries (Hysteroscopy & Laparoscopy)
• 1 SIS (saline infusion sonogram)
• 1 IUI (intrauterine insemination)
• 1 Chemical Pregnancy - 1 Angel Baby - Peyton Lane
• 1 IVF cycle with a severe case of OHSS
• 6 FROZEN EMBRYOS
• Countless tears spilled

I could keep on listing statistics, but that would be boring for y'all to read.  

I am in a completely different place than I was when we first began this journey.  Never did I think that it would take so long for us to conceive a child.  We have been blessed beyond measure in the past two years.    I never thought that I'd be able to look at this day without being devastated.  It's still difficult to be here on this day, but I have hope that God will provide in His timing.  

Wow ...

The outpouring of love we received yesterday was amazing.  

I had to go back to ART for repeat labs.  Everything was NORMAL!  (They were worried about my BUN levels being low due to OHSS) I still am feeling awful each day battling tummy issues, headaches, sleeplessness, and emotions everywhere.  From what I can gather, being emotional right now is just par for the course.

Right now I'm living on peppermints for nausea, Zofran (nausea) , Lomotil (spastic colon), Tylenol (sinus headaches?), Ambien (sleep issues), and Valium (panic/nerves).  I'm not ashamed of what I'm going through right now.

I cried this morning when I thought Brandon was going to have to travel overnight.  (He's not travelling until next week thankfully!)  

I've said this to only a few people, but here goes. . . . . . . . . . . .

I've never felt so alone at any other point in this journey.   

I feel like I have to guard each word I say.write.post,etc., hoping that I don't offend someone.  My thoughts are constantly reflecting on what might have been, as well as the future (mostly the future).
 The only time I find peace is when I'm in prayer or listening to music. ** I know that the Enemy is trying to attack me at my weakest.  **

*Also, my Granny had surgery on her left shoulder yesterday and isn't doing well.  She received a blood transfusion last night and has just been taken off of her pain pump.  She's older and has Pulmonary Fibrosis, Crohn's Disease, and Fibromyalgia (along with other issues).  Her lung doctor was afraid that she wouldn't wake up from the anesthesia.  Please remember her.

My Pages:
FET
IVF #1 (OHSS + 6 frozen Embryos)
The Cost (God ALWAYS provides)

Breakdown

The title says it all.  It happened last night.  I fell apart.  Overwhelmed is the only way to express how I feel.

After work, we went to dinner with Rachel & Clint.  It was a good distraction from my emotions.  We had a great meal at Olive Garden, and we talked about all kinds of things.  B and I enjoy our time with them!  Once we got home, it hit me how tired I had been feeling all day.  I realized that I have not slowed down since I got out of the hospital.  I've felt so busy at home and work.  My boss reiterated that I'm in a marathon that cannot be won in a day.  Brandon and I talked for a while last night and he prayed over me before we went to sleep.  I cried so much last night that I still have bags under my eyes even now.

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Today I woke up trying to make it a good day.  I called Brookwood asking more about the nurses who took care of me.  The girl who I spoke with is also a patient of Dr. Allemand.  She has Stage III Endometriosis and needs another surgery (to remove the endo) before they can attempt an IUI.  She will need injectable medications for her IUI and I hope that it will work out that I can help her by donating my unused Follistim.  It's amazing how God works!

Sarah and I went shopping today and I was able to go ahead and get some shopping done for Christmas.  If I don't get started now, there's no way that we'll be able to afford buying for our family and friends.

Sarah with one of the shirts on sale!

I purchased 16 Christmas gifts today; some were got multiple gifts for the same person.  

I also bought some things for myself!

Here is a shot of the Christmas gift items I purchased!

Also, we all have a love affair with Lilly Pulitzer at work!  

My calendar just arrived!  I was super excited.  

Here is a picture of me with mine and then one of Jenna and myself posing.

And Rachel had to mess around with the camera, so here's a picture of her goofing around.  =)

It may not look like I'm having a hard time in these pictures, but retail therapy and prayer does wonders.  I am surrounded by such great people.  

Funday Friday

This was a picture of my first day back at work.7-3-12

I liked my outfit today

Full Shot (today)

Sending a present to a fellow fertility buddy today!

This is on our "wedding wall."  We hung B's Resolution this morning!

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I thought I would start with some pictures today.

I went to church last night after work to practice with the band and it was exhausting!  I'm excited to be singing on Sunday, but I'm nervous at the same time.  At the Mother/Daughter Banquet, my mother and I sang together.  I'm hoping that I'll be able to continue practicing and singing at church. If it's what God wants me to do, I'll do it!  

On a fertility note, I'm still losing weight each day.  My tummy has been bothering me yesterday and today, and it's been hard to eat.  I'm hoping that it will stop soon.  I was only able to eat half of a kid's meal at lunch.  Also, I had been going strong on limiting my caffeine intake and was just too tired today.  Each day I'm feeling more and more like myself. =)
*UPDATE*
We have spent $17,308.36  just this year on our fertility journey.  All I can say is GOD PROVIDES!