Recap since I last posted in June...

Let's see.  Where do I even begin.  Blogging with a toddler is nearly impossible!

We missed our vacation in July due to Brandon's kidney stone episode.  We were all set to leave on vacation, when Brandon felt that all to familiar pain of dreaded kidney stones.  He had surgery and they removed a couple! This isn't his first tango with them, so we have been seeing a specialist to keep an eye out on more forming.

We were able to travel with Brandon in September to Destin for a work conference.  It was a great vacation that was desperately needed!  We visited the beach last September with Ellie, so this wasn't her first trip.  She absolutely loved the sand and the water-which is funny because she doesn't like the lake at all.

Elliana 15 months

Listing the house proved to be more drama that we thought.  It seemed like the house would NEVER SELL!  I believe we ended up with SIX total offers on the house, and THREE contracts to fall through.
At one point we had a contract on another home when the contract on this house fell through.  It was all so much chaos, but I can say now that we close on this house within the next month.  We are planning to live with my Dad to save money until we find our dream home.  Now we are just in the beginning stages of packing up!

We never began another FET cycle.  It just never seemed like the right time.  Granny was diagnosed with Stage III/IV (inoperable) Lung Cancer.  Then with selling the house and moving with my Dad, it didn't seem that beginning a cycle would line up.  We received the shock of a lifetime in September.  I realized that I was more than a couple days late-which was nothing new post partum and after breastfeeding for a year.  I decided to take a test on Sunday, September 21....  It was the fastest positive pregnancy test I've ever seen.  We are expecting another baby in May 2015.  We immediately called ART and they scheduled bloodwork and an ultrasound.  We saw them for four weeks and were just released to the care of my OB.

Each day we are still in shock and are blessed to be pregnant. After my first appointment, they called and wanted my progesterone levels to be higher (mine =12.9; wanted over 15).  We have been injecting 1 cc PIO since September 22.  It looks like we will continue injections until I'm 10 weeks on October 27.  I promise to be a better blogger in the future and continue to update about Sweet Ellie and The Sneak!

More photos!

May 15th Appointment and Cervical Check

Today's cervical check was not terribly disappointing.  I wish that I would have had more progression, but the Braxton Hicks really fired up yesterday and obviously caused a little bit of movement.

1 cm / 70 % / -3

This explains cervix effacement

This explains the "station" of the baby
(both photos taken from Prepared Childbirth book we were given at Brookwood)

Dr. Mac stripped my membranes today*.  This was something I was honestly terrified about, but it ended up not being too bad.  Cervical checks are not my favorite at all due to some issues with severe pelvic pain.  While he was checking, he continued to talk to me and then stripped the membranes in hopes of firing up more dilation and contractions.

Our original plan was to go ahead and schedule an induction for next week.  My step-dad and brother are leaving for China at the end of the month and I do NOT want them to already be gone when Elliana is born.  If we were to schedule the induction now, I'm at risk for a painful labor experience.  My cervix is NOT ready yet.  Right now our plan is to get to my next appointment on Wednesday, May 22, and schedule and induction from there if necessary.  But I could have my dilation progress or my water break between now and then too.  It's all a waiting game and I'm excited.  I've been opposed to an induction from the beginning because about 85% of them result in a c-section delivery.  If Dr. Mac doesn't think that we've made enough progression at my appointment Wednesday we will definitely schedule an induction as soon as possible from there.  It is very difficult for me to walk around now without feeling pain, but I'd rather keep baby girl safe and healthy until she's more ready to come out!

I've been nesting like crazy and find myself cleaning the most obscure things that I've never thought about before.  I walked outside in the backyard with Logan for 15 minutes yesterday and I had the worst BH contractions in this pregnancy to date. I ended up calling the nurse because they were so frequent and they told me to lay down, drink water, and take Tylenol.  Well if it happens today I'm not doing it.  I resolve to stay on my feet and keep them coming!

And whoever said that BH contractions aren't painful LIED!  Mine aren't terrible, but they're not pain-free either.  But now this truly feels real and my baby girl could be here with a matter of days or a week.  God is so good and I am overwhelmed with joy and happiness!

*Stripping the membranes. The doctor will insert a gloved finger into your vagina and move it back and forth to separate the membrane that connects the amniotic sac to the wall of the uterus. This is called "stripping the membranes," and it causes the body to release hormones called prostaglandins, which ripen the cervix and may lead to contractions. You may feel some cramping and have some spotting after this procedure. Usually this method of inducing labor is done in your doctor's office, and you'll be sent home to wait until contractions begin.

One Month Away and Thank You

We are one month away, or 30 days out from our estimated due date.  My mind can barely comprehend how quickly this pregnancy has flown by.  And when you're talking about a pregnancy achieved by Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART), you're talking about ONE. LONG. PREGNANCY!

Our In Vitro Journey began on May 5 last year when my new cycle started.  From there I took BCP, added Lupron Injections, began another cycle, added stimulation drugs (Follistim and Menopur) and made it to our Egg Retrieval date on June 20.  When we arrived at the clinic on June 25 for our tentative transfer, it was evident that I had severe Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS) and needed to be admitted to drain the excess fluid from my abdomen.  Talk about disappointment, but I was in so much pain that I never cried over our cancelled embryo transfer.  I laid in a hospital bed for five days and looked to God for the answers.  He had never stopped seeking me and I finally allowed myself to rely on Him instead of taking the situation into my own hands.

We let my body heal over a rest cycle and began our first Frozen Embryo Transfer on August 12.  If you're keeping track of your pregnancy from your last menstrual period (LMP), our pregnancy with Elliana started on August 12.  That makes this one super duper long pregnancy!  We failed our first lining check, but took one extra week to  thicken the lining of my uterus and were able transfer two beautiful embryos on September 6, 2012.

On September 10, 2012 I took a HPT and it was positive.  All blood tests confirmed pregnancy and here we are today one month away from the estimated arrival of our daughter.

God answered our prayers to have a child and Brandon and I will forever be thankful.

We would not have endured our journey without some very special people in our lives.  God sent us some special people at different times throughout our journey to help us along the way.

• Sheri, my amazing sister-in-law.  She too endured her own battle with infertility and provided me with support from the first day that I threw out my birth control.  She told me everything that she knew and always helped me find answers when she didn't happen.  I called her first from leaving all of my appointments.  I couldn't have gotten through all of this without her.  She stood by my side through our infertility and pregnancy, and she will stand by my side as I deliver Elliana.
• Dad.  There's not enough space here to tell all that he did for Brandon and me.  I will be writing about my father's love and support in another blog post before Elliana arrives.  What he did for us must be shared.
• Joy, my daughter's (middle) namesake.  She covered us in prayer from the moment she met us.  She allowed me to love on her own miracle child when times were hard.  She went to appointments when Brandon could not and even accompanied both us us when we needed another set of ears to hear.  She showed up to the hospital with goodies when I was admitted.  During our embryo transfer she held Brandon's hand and prayed over me during the procedure.  She was always a positive voice to me and just knew that the transfer would work and give us a child.
• Tonisha, my long-distance friend from Oklahoma. Her love for us has been written in the blog more than once.  She donated much needed medication to us and sewed Elliana's first baby quilt.  She showed me God's love and how He can use anyone to catch your attention.  She and I share different views about religion, but she showed me what it is to love your neighbor better than anyone else could.
• Liz, my college friend turned best friend.  We never seemed to lose touch like most people do when they graduate.  She too had her fair share of trouble when it came to getting pregnant, and was always there to lend a supportive ear.  There were many dinner and drinks nights when we had received unsettling news.  She was here with dinner when I had surgeries and even showed up to the hospital with a baby to just sit with me once before they wheeled me back.  She brought me good food in the hospital, presents when we confirmed our pregnancy, pretty pink cupcakes to celebrate Elliana's gender, and is hosting my baby shower.  She's such the perfect Southern woman and I'm trying to take some tips from her.  She's not your traditional Proverbs 31 woman, but she's pretty dang close in her own way. 
• Jennifer, my former coworker and friend.  God bless her heart, she had to hear me cry and complain so much through our infertility and pregnancy,  BUT she never got upset by it and let me vent.  She always reminded me to find the positive and "silver lining" in every situation.  She researched stones for fertile properties and gave me a rose quartz to wear.  She somehow survived all of my crazy hormonal days and hot flashes and still likes me.  There's a special place in Heaven for her.
• Paul, my former boss.  Not many men understand the desire of a woman to have a child, but he did.  He knew upon hiring me that my greatest desire was to start a family.  He knew more about my follicles, endometrial lining, and hot flashes than any man other than my husband and fertility doctor ever wanted to know.  He always told me that my family came first and supported our journey.  Asking for time off for fertility procedures was never a problem, and I can remember him calling to check on me before surgeries and while I was in the hospital.  I was lucky to work in a loving environment that supported me.
• Tiffany.  My pregnancy would have felt different without her.  After we announced that we were expecting, so many other women in the church also said that they too were pregnant all around our due date.  Tiffany told me in person after her first test.  I think she knew that it would be easier for me to hear it from her.  Our due dates are two days apart and she has given me so much support.  Because it took us so much to achieve our pregnancy,  I still found myself jealous of other women who were expecting, but never her.  I completely ignored other pregnant women except for her.  I just know that our daughters are going to be best friends.
• Rachel, my former coworker and surrogate daughter.  How many 17 year old girls know how to administer fertility drugs?  I didn't keep up with how many injections Rach gave me, but it was a LOT.  She was nervous on the first few but then it just came as second nature.  She attended "mom functions" with me at church, gave me a mother's day gift, and spent the night with me when Brandon traveled.  She's well beyond her years already and has such a big heart for such a young girl.
• Nicole, a lost connection from college.  In her own infertility journey, Nicole found me and we started talking.  It's always nice to be able to talk to someone in person who is also battling infertility.  I'm so happy that she's 10 weeks behind me in her pregnancy with their son, Isaac.  
• Our family.  They were all so excited when we called saying that we were pregnant and even more excited when we found out her gender.  Elliana is the FIRST granddaughter (and great-granddaughter) on Brandon's side of the family and the FIRST grandchild (and great-grandchild) on my side.  
• Our faith family.  Calera First United Methodist Church has never stopped covering us in prayer. Terry and Carolyn prayed over us many times and annointed us with oil.  Terry made hospital appearances when I wasn't even sure he knew I was there!  I'm not sure how many women saw my hiney when I'd search people to help with progesterone injections, but they were all there to hold my hand and laugh at the joys of our pregnancy.  The previous church we attended never provided us with much support so I was astonished at the outpouring of love we received when we opened up about our infertility.  Elliana will have the biggest family because of the faith family that God gave us.

There are so many other people who influenced us along this journey.  It would take days for me to write about all of them.  Again, I am finding myself full of sentiment these days and I want it all recorded before I forget these feelings.  I'm looking to this blog post as the thank you card that can never fade away.

Trying to Conceive and Thoughts for Elliana

It's easy to reflect on our past journey now that Elliana is almost here.  Part of me knew that we would get pregnant, but I had no idea how long it would take.  Sometimes I feel guilty that we responded so well with IVF and that our first FET was successful.  There are so many other women who are still trying to get pregnant after multiple IVF attempts.

Why did it work for us so quickly?  

I began writing on this blog in 2010.  After about five posts or so it became a blog about us trying to get pregnant.  Most of the writing was me hopeless month after month of seeing negative HPTs.  I had no readers and didn't really share my blog with people that I knew in real life.  The address was listed under my information on Facebook, but I wasn't sure that anyone even noticed it.  Through Fertility Friend and other online communities my readership grew and now I'm nearing 100,000 page views.  Who knew that anyone was reading my words from a small town in Alabama.

Now I look at this blog as a gift to Elliana.  My prayer is that she never encounters difficulty when she's ready to start her family.  But I also want her to know that her life was planned and we desperately hoped and prayed for her.  All life is a gift, but I cannot help but know that her life will be full of meaning.  God must have good things in store for her.  I hope that our story continues through her and does not end with her birth.  Elliana will be told from an early age what it took to conceive her.  Who knows if we will ever have another child.  I try to think about having more children, but my mind cannot even comprehend going through more treatment even though we still have four frozen embryos waiting.  

Pregnancy has been no cake walk for me, but it hasn't been unbearable either.  I've never believed women who said they enjoyed every second of their pregnancy anyways.  I'm completely miserable these days, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.  This hidden basketball of a belly under my shirt is what I longed for in the early days of this blog.  

In this last month of pregnancy I am finding myself sentimental and full of thoughts that I want to capture in prose before they escape me.  

--------------------

Elliana,

You are my Joy.  

I will never be a perfect parent, but I will be the perfect mother for you.  God chose to give you to us, and I promise to always protect you.  I vow to love God first, love your Daddy second, and then love you.  I will not make you an idol that I worship, but love you more than you will ever understand until you have children of your own.

Mom.

Swelling, Carpal Tunnel, and the Belly

When I saw Dr. Mac yesterday, we did talk about the pain I've been feeling in my hands.  It's pretty much Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.  Apparently it's common during pregnancy.  See article here.

The pain started out of nowhere this weekend.  I have been noticing more swelling as time moves on, but there was no pain associated with it.  By no means is it anything unbearable, but it is uncomfortable.

In other swelling news, my legs and ankles are huge by the end of the day!  I take many breaks while doing stuff around the house, but the swelling is here to stay.  Our church prepares dinner on Wednesday evenings so I showed up at 3:30 pm yesterday to help.  The meal was delicious (as always)!  Once I got home around 8 pm my ankles looked awful.  When I know that I'm going to be on my feet for a while I wear sneakers.  This is the aftermath...

The socks I was wearing had hearts on them, so I had hearts imprinted on my legs!!  The funny thing is that my ankles and feet didn't hurt too much at all.  They were just funny to look at!

My Dad helps cook at church on Wednesday evenings and he made the remark that I looked bigger than I did on Sunday.  I believe him!  I actually feel bigger and have been gaining some weight this week.  I anticipate weighing 160 lbs by my weigh-in on Saturday morning.

Adult Large t-shirts are now tight over my belly.  

The linea nigra is growing up past my belly button now.  My belly button stays out about 99% of the time except for when I lay on my back and Elliana shifts position.

The belly doesn't look as big from this angle but it's definitely hanging out there.  I cannot imagine how big I will look by the end of the month.  I may end up with some stretch marks on my tummy before Elliana makes her grand arrival.

Rant:  My growing belly is now starting to cause me much more discomfort.  My back only hurts when Elliana is nestled under my right rib.  It doesn't matter if I sit or stand, my back aches.  The belly also makes bending over incredibly difficult.  Sometimes I cannot even roll myself out of bed.  I scoot my legs off of the bed and wait for them to find the floor and I do a weird slide off of the bed.  Rolling over is also difficult and I'm sure that I'm funny to watch.  It was almost impossible to carry Nesia on my right hip last night because of Elliana.

Realization:  With all of that being said, I still find myself so very blessed to be carrying this big belly around.  In the tearfully pain moments I remind myself that we prayed for this child and waited for God to give her to us.  There are so many women who would give anything to be in my shoes right now.  This pain and uncomfortable-ness will pass and our lives will be filled with joy.

51 days until our due date...

Tomorrow's the Day!

We find out if The Sneak is a boy or girl tomorrow! 
I am so excited.  When I scheduled this appointment in November it seemed so far away.  I cannot believe that we just have to make it through one more day to find out if our precious little one is Brayden or Elliana.

18 weeks 5 days

Speaking of names... our boy name is Brayden Scott, after my hubby who is named Brandon Scott.  Our girl name is Elliana Joy.  The Hebrew meaning for Elliana is "The Lord responded."  The middle name is after our friend Joy and her daughter.  If The Sneak ends up being a girl, I'm sure some people will call her Ellie.  (I love the nickname Ellie, but I would prefer to use her real name because of it's meaning.)  Brandon and I both see ourselves calling our little one The Sneak for years to come, regardless of the gender.  We like silly nicknames!

I still feel like there's a Brayden in my tummy.  Most of the girls who are due along side me have had crazy issues with sickness and they're all carrying girls.  I just have a gut feeling that it's a boy, but I could be wrong.  I mean, there's a 50% chance I'm right-and a 50% chance that I'm wrong!  Brandon and I will both be super excited nonetheless.  Tomorrow is going to be SUCH an exciting day!

Nervous

Mommy is so nervous right now.  Last night, I feared that I would lose you.  I hope and pray that the doctor's know what's wrong this morning.  Mommy and Daddy already love you so much.  Please, stay tucked in tight, Baby Sneakers.

4 More Days

Is it Monday yet???  (Beta is scheduled for Monday, September 17!)

Believe me, I've had so much going on to keep me busy, but Monday still seems so far away.  Brandon and I have continued to believe in this cycle.

There's no room for negative thoughts on Team Baby Sneakers!  

Brandon has been out of town the past two days and returns today.  I went to an infertility support group Monday night, had praise band practice on Tuesday evening, and had bible study last night.  Tonight will be the first evening that I've been at home all week!  I have never been so thankful for such busy evenings.

*As far as symptoms are concerned...
*I'm having slight cramps whenever I stand for a period of time.
*I'm still tired after a full night's sleep.
*My chest stopped feeling so sensitive (PIO injections) and then began hurting WORSE and "they" are now growing (without me being too graphic)
*Certain foods seem awful!  Things that I would usually enjoy are making me gag.

These all have to be good signs, right?!?   

Great Appointment

Our appointment went well this morning.  My lining measured .08cm- exactly what the doctor ordered ! They took a culture of my lining (which was blue), and I expect everything to be fine there.  It was so funny....the NP casually said, "Oh, I see you're on Estrace."

They usually leave word on my patient voicemail by 2pm.  Then they will provide me with my updated calendar- which is the same as before only a week behind.  I will start antibiotics tomorrow, along with Progesterone-in-Oil injections!  Our Embryo Transfer should happen on Thursday!  I am hopeful that we will get beta results the following Friday (September 14).

This is the closest we've ever been! We are beyond excited!!!  Thank you for all of the text messages!!

Needing Rest

Well, I may have been wrong about side effects...  

I've struggled to go to sleep the past two nights.  For a few weeks, I had been taking Ambien to help me sleep.  I haven't taken any to help me rest since last week. (There's no way that I would risk messing up this cycle!) I could not go to sleep last night and the evening before.  Maybe I am sleeping, but I don't feel rested.  I toss and turn, burn up with hot flashes, and just feel miserable.  Also, I'm starting to notice a recurring headache.  I'm hoping that it's just stress.  My mind has trouble shutting down each night and I'm left with all of these thoughts.  I know that God is in control of our situation, but it's hard to "let it go."

Praying that I can fully trust God and His timing.  And that I can rest. 

FET 

Our Story

Second Anniversary of our Fertility Struggle

As of today, we have been trying to conceive for two years.  I love numbers, so here are a few random statistics about our journey thus far:

• 22 cycles to date of trying to conceive a child
• 730 prenatal vitamins consumed by me
• BBT (basal body temperature) taken approximately 700 times
• 50+ injections given at home & work
• 32 pregnancy tests taken at home & work
• 20 opk (ovulation predictor kit) taken at home & work
• 20 vaginal ultrasounds 
• 3 HSGs (dye test)
• 2 surgeries (Hysteroscopy & Laparoscopy)
• 1 SIS (saline infusion sonogram)
• 1 IUI (intrauterine insemination)
• 1 Chemical Pregnancy - 1 Angel Baby - Peyton Lane
• 1 IVF cycle with a severe case of OHSS
• 6 FROZEN EMBRYOS
• Countless tears spilled

I could keep on listing statistics, but that would be boring for y'all to read.  

I am in a completely different place than I was when we first began this journey.  Never did I think that it would take so long for us to conceive a child.  We have been blessed beyond measure in the past two years.    I never thought that I'd be able to look at this day without being devastated.  It's still difficult to be here on this day, but I have hope that God will provide in His timing.  

Weekend Recap

Y'all heard about out fun evening on Friday here.
Brandon and I went to see The Dark Knight Rises on Saturday night.  It was amazing!  We're superhero fanatics, and I promise to post pictures of the infamous superhero room soon.

On Sundays, we get to church around 7:30am.  I've been singing on Sundays, and we have to get there early before the first service. Blah.  I don't mind getting up early, but I will definitely be sleeping in tomorrow (on my off day.)  I did not take my usual Sunday afternoon nap yesterday and think I'll make up for it tomorrow.

We went to have lunch with the family for Grandaddy's birthday.  We got to see and love on Bryson, and then came home and rested.

In fertility news, I'm CD20 today with no sight of ovulation. =/  My temperature is all over the place.  I will most likely wait until next week to call ART and mention my lack of ovulation.

But back to Sunday at church...

     In the Methodist church they do infant baptisms.  This is still a fairly new concept to me, and I think it's amazing.  BUT it's an extremely emotional experience for me with out current fertility situation.  Of course I was on stage blubbering away as this family baptized their teeny, tiny, precious baby.
     Our associate pastor, Larry, saw me crying.  Once we were dismissed from the stage, I spotted Brandon and told him that I would not be sitting through the second service (we did sit through the first service and sunday school already).  I raced as quickly as possible to the bathroom so that I could have the "loud cries".  Erica saw me going in and came in to comfort me.  Brandon said that he had no idea where I was, but Larry had come out of the service to find us.
     Larry saw me start crying on stage.  He said that in that moment he began praying for us and asking God what to do or say to help us.  Larry has been amazing with Brandon and me.  He has such a way with words and often asks us some difficult questions.  He often helps us see the "big picture."  He said that in that moment God told him that Brandon and I would be holding our child this time next year.  This is our second prophecy that Larry has delivered to us (I've received one as well, but am not quite ready to reveal that here until I have shared it with more of my family).

I am so thankful for our amazing faith family.  They have made this struggle less painful merely by their presence and consistent prayer. My emotions have continue to run wild, but I know that there are so many people praying for us to have a child.
I hate to just end my post here, but I do have more renewed hope.  (there's that word again)

I also have so many prayer requests for my friends and family.

• I have a friend who I will refer to as "N."   She is in the midst of her own fertility struggle and is approaching IVF.  I pray that this last insemination attempt works for her and her husband so they don't have to move forward with in vitro.
• My Granny is still recovering from her surgery last week.  She's at home, but she's becoming disoriented often (most likely from the pain medications).  
• There are many unspoken requests within my faith family at church.  I pray that God blesses each and every one of them this week. 

Thank you for staying with me this long.  I pray that you are blessed!  Have a GREAT week and Happy Monday! 

We went out last night...

Let me start off by saying that 

The Hunter Lawley Band 

ROCKS!  

We went out with some friends to Gabriel's last night to listen to some live music.  It was so nice to do something on a Friday night.  I was good and only drank 3.5 beers; spaced out evenly with about 5 glasses of water.  There was much dancing too (my favorite)!  Brandon and I slow danced on one of the slower songs and it was romantic.
*Ladies, if you husband doesn't dance with you, YOU NEED TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN.  *
We didn't get home until around 1:45am, but it was worth it.

During the day yesterday, my stomach was aching.  I've been having sharp; fleeting pains all over my belly.  At this point, I've lost track of how long my stomach has been bothering me.  Honestly, it hasn't felt the same since we started the Follistim and Menopur during the "stim" phase of IVF.  My weight isn't fluctuating as much anymore, but my belly starts looking big (bloat) by the end of each day.  I called my GI (Dr. Newman) and talked to one of the nurses who is trying to get me an appointment sooner than August (since we'll be moving forward with the FET.)
Before we started our fertility journey, I always made sure to have at least one appointment with Dr. Newman per year.  As far as I can recall, I've always had stomach problems.  It took talking to my Grandad one day to realize that I needed to see a specialist.  I thought that everyone had issues like me! That was when I was 17.  Since then, I've had two sigmoidoscopies as well as one colonoscopy.  On my father's side of the family, there is a history of Colitis, Diverticulitis, IBS, and Crohn's Disease.  =/  My doctor has been proactive with me always screening for any other issues other than just having a spastic colon.

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend.

Also, a big HELLO to everyone joining from ICLW.  

If you're new to my blog, please check out my pages!  

We're on a rest cycle gearing up for our first FET. 

Just a few of my pages:

Our Story
IVF #1 + OHSS+Hospital stay
FET

Wow ...

The outpouring of love we received yesterday was amazing.  

I had to go back to ART for repeat labs.  Everything was NORMAL!  (They were worried about my BUN levels being low due to OHSS) I still am feeling awful each day battling tummy issues, headaches, sleeplessness, and emotions everywhere.  From what I can gather, being emotional right now is just par for the course.

Right now I'm living on peppermints for nausea, Zofran (nausea) , Lomotil (spastic colon), Tylenol (sinus headaches?), Ambien (sleep issues), and Valium (panic/nerves).  I'm not ashamed of what I'm going through right now.

I cried this morning when I thought Brandon was going to have to travel overnight.  (He's not travelling until next week thankfully!)  

I've said this to only a few people, but here goes. . . . . . . . . . . .

I've never felt so alone at any other point in this journey.   

I feel like I have to guard each word I say.write.post,etc., hoping that I don't offend someone.  My thoughts are constantly reflecting on what might have been, as well as the future (mostly the future).
 The only time I find peace is when I'm in prayer or listening to music. ** I know that the Enemy is trying to attack me at my weakest.  **

*Also, my Granny had surgery on her left shoulder yesterday and isn't doing well.  She received a blood transfusion last night and has just been taken off of her pain pump.  She's older and has Pulmonary Fibrosis, Crohn's Disease, and Fibromyalgia (along with other issues).  Her lung doctor was afraid that she wouldn't wake up from the anesthesia.  Please remember her.

My Pages:
FET
IVF #1 (OHSS + 6 frozen Embryos)
The Cost (God ALWAYS provides)

Tuesday

Rachel and Clint ate dinner with us last night.  I cooked dinner for the first time in a LONG time.  It was nothing special, but it turned out ok.  Rach is my surrogate daughter. She calls me "Mom."  God provides.  Her and her boyfriend have been together for about two years now I think.  They are such a good couple.  I am proud of them together.  

They remind me of us.  They have fun together (or at least from what I see.)  We have fun when we're all together.  We're all a bunch of goobs!  We watched Family Guy, talked about poop and farts, and everything else in between.  I made B pull the guitar back out and he played a few songs.  I think he may start teaching Clint to play. 

I'm going to start singing at church.  I grew up singing in church, sang in Chamber/Show Choir for three years in high school, and have always loved just singing.  My voice may not be the best, but it's alright.  I hope to work on that.  I sang for Rachel last night, which took a lot of courage for me to open up.

Please, please, please listen to this song.  It's by Ginny Owens and called "If You Want me To." I hope to be able to sing this at church soon.  Singing it without tears will be the problem.  Joy shared this song with me and it has spoken volumes.

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So far I've made it through the day at work.  I've been able to help customers and even helped sell a pendant.  Now I'm exhausted.  I don't know if I'm going to make it the rest if the day, but I am trying.  I packed myself a big bag of snacks!  I didn't want to risk getting dehydrated or hungry.  =)

Busy, Busy Day

I was able to get some sleep this morning after being awake from 4-7am.  My hormones are still all out of whack and I'm having terrible hot flashes while I'm sleeping.  I went back to bed and got up at 9am and got ready from there.  It was nice to put on pretty clothes and have washed hair.

I made a "To Do" list for the day.  It was pretty long.

This was my work space.  Dad's lent me his laptop for the time being.  I'm tired of laying in bed all day.  This was a change of scenery.

My List of things "To Do"

 It's amazing how busy I was today.  I took it easy, but I'm just exhausted!  I've been listening to music all day which always helps.  I was able to cross a lot off the list, but it will take some time.  I've had many "thank you" notes to write.

Rebecca visited with me today.  She brought me lunch and the beautiful flowers pictured below.  I was able to talk with her about my journey and how God has been ever present.  She has her own powerful testimony as well.  Right now, it's just good for me to be around positive people.  It's good for me to share what God is doing in my life, as well as my life with B.

I drove to the grocery store with B for the first time in 10 days.  I think I may be able to drive myself to work tomorrow.  I haven't had pain medicine in days, but my mind is ever foggy/clouded/confused.  I'm sure it will just take time to feel completely like me; however, I was kinda crazy anyways!

My beautiful flowers from Rebecca

I called ART today and have my appointment scheduled with Dr. Allemand for July 10 at 9am.  Of course, B is going to be out of town.  I'm working on finding a buddy to go to the appointment with me.  Going to this type of appointment by yourself isn't a good idea.  It's always better to have two sets of ears listening.  At this appointment we'll be talking about the FET. 

Thank you for the continued support; I need it.

Patience ...

"Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting."  I stumbled upon this quote this morning, remembering that patience is not one of the virtues I have mastered. =) 

I had an extremely productive day yesterday.  Dad stopped by, and it was the first time I had seen him in over a week.  After I got motivated for the day (thanks to my Dr. Pepper) I went to the tanning bed, got my hair trimmed for the first time since December, ate lunch in the car, went to the grocery store, washed 2 loads of laundry, ate again, watched a movie, and waited for Brandon to come home.  Once he was home we went for a run and then grilled steaks for dinner.  Sometimes I feel like I've wasted my free time, but not yesterday.  I had a nice, productive day.  =)