One Month Away and Thank You

We are one month away, or 30 days out from our estimated due date.  My mind can barely comprehend how quickly this pregnancy has flown by.  And when you're talking about a pregnancy achieved by Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART), you're talking about ONE. LONG. PREGNANCY!

Our In Vitro Journey began on May 5 last year when my new cycle started.  From there I took BCP, added Lupron Injections, began another cycle, added stimulation drugs (Follistim and Menopur) and made it to our Egg Retrieval date on June 20.  When we arrived at the clinic on June 25 for our tentative transfer, it was evident that I had severe Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS) and needed to be admitted to drain the excess fluid from my abdomen.  Talk about disappointment, but I was in so much pain that I never cried over our cancelled embryo transfer.  I laid in a hospital bed for five days and looked to God for the answers.  He had never stopped seeking me and I finally allowed myself to rely on Him instead of taking the situation into my own hands.

We let my body heal over a rest cycle and began our first Frozen Embryo Transfer on August 12.  If you're keeping track of your pregnancy from your last menstrual period (LMP), our pregnancy with Elliana started on August 12.  That makes this one super duper long pregnancy!  We failed our first lining check, but took one extra week to  thicken the lining of my uterus and were able transfer two beautiful embryos on September 6, 2012.

On September 10, 2012 I took a HPT and it was positive.  All blood tests confirmed pregnancy and here we are today one month away from the estimated arrival of our daughter.

God answered our prayers to have a child and Brandon and I will forever be thankful.

We would not have endured our journey without some very special people in our lives.  God sent us some special people at different times throughout our journey to help us along the way.

• Sheri, my amazing sister-in-law.  She too endured her own battle with infertility and provided me with support from the first day that I threw out my birth control.  She told me everything that she knew and always helped me find answers when she didn't happen.  I called her first from leaving all of my appointments.  I couldn't have gotten through all of this without her.  She stood by my side through our infertility and pregnancy, and she will stand by my side as I deliver Elliana.
• Dad.  There's not enough space here to tell all that he did for Brandon and me.  I will be writing about my father's love and support in another blog post before Elliana arrives.  What he did for us must be shared.
• Joy, my daughter's (middle) namesake.  She covered us in prayer from the moment she met us.  She allowed me to love on her own miracle child when times were hard.  She went to appointments when Brandon could not and even accompanied both us us when we needed another set of ears to hear.  She showed up to the hospital with goodies when I was admitted.  During our embryo transfer she held Brandon's hand and prayed over me during the procedure.  She was always a positive voice to me and just knew that the transfer would work and give us a child.
• Tonisha, my long-distance friend from Oklahoma. Her love for us has been written in the blog more than once.  She donated much needed medication to us and sewed Elliana's first baby quilt.  She showed me God's love and how He can use anyone to catch your attention.  She and I share different views about religion, but she showed me what it is to love your neighbor better than anyone else could.
• Liz, my college friend turned best friend.  We never seemed to lose touch like most people do when they graduate.  She too had her fair share of trouble when it came to getting pregnant, and was always there to lend a supportive ear.  There were many dinner and drinks nights when we had received unsettling news.  She was here with dinner when I had surgeries and even showed up to the hospital with a baby to just sit with me once before they wheeled me back.  She brought me good food in the hospital, presents when we confirmed our pregnancy, pretty pink cupcakes to celebrate Elliana's gender, and is hosting my baby shower.  She's such the perfect Southern woman and I'm trying to take some tips from her.  She's not your traditional Proverbs 31 woman, but she's pretty dang close in her own way. 
• Jennifer, my former coworker and friend.  God bless her heart, she had to hear me cry and complain so much through our infertility and pregnancy,  BUT she never got upset by it and let me vent.  She always reminded me to find the positive and "silver lining" in every situation.  She researched stones for fertile properties and gave me a rose quartz to wear.  She somehow survived all of my crazy hormonal days and hot flashes and still likes me.  There's a special place in Heaven for her.
• Paul, my former boss.  Not many men understand the desire of a woman to have a child, but he did.  He knew upon hiring me that my greatest desire was to start a family.  He knew more about my follicles, endometrial lining, and hot flashes than any man other than my husband and fertility doctor ever wanted to know.  He always told me that my family came first and supported our journey.  Asking for time off for fertility procedures was never a problem, and I can remember him calling to check on me before surgeries and while I was in the hospital.  I was lucky to work in a loving environment that supported me.
• Tiffany.  My pregnancy would have felt different without her.  After we announced that we were expecting, so many other women in the church also said that they too were pregnant all around our due date.  Tiffany told me in person after her first test.  I think she knew that it would be easier for me to hear it from her.  Our due dates are two days apart and she has given me so much support.  Because it took us so much to achieve our pregnancy,  I still found myself jealous of other women who were expecting, but never her.  I completely ignored other pregnant women except for her.  I just know that our daughters are going to be best friends.
• Rachel, my former coworker and surrogate daughter.  How many 17 year old girls know how to administer fertility drugs?  I didn't keep up with how many injections Rach gave me, but it was a LOT.  She was nervous on the first few but then it just came as second nature.  She attended "mom functions" with me at church, gave me a mother's day gift, and spent the night with me when Brandon traveled.  She's well beyond her years already and has such a big heart for such a young girl.
• Nicole, a lost connection from college.  In her own infertility journey, Nicole found me and we started talking.  It's always nice to be able to talk to someone in person who is also battling infertility.  I'm so happy that she's 10 weeks behind me in her pregnancy with their son, Isaac.  
• Our family.  They were all so excited when we called saying that we were pregnant and even more excited when we found out her gender.  Elliana is the FIRST granddaughter (and great-granddaughter) on Brandon's side of the family and the FIRST grandchild (and great-grandchild) on my side.  
• Our faith family.  Calera First United Methodist Church has never stopped covering us in prayer. Terry and Carolyn prayed over us many times and annointed us with oil.  Terry made hospital appearances when I wasn't even sure he knew I was there!  I'm not sure how many women saw my hiney when I'd search people to help with progesterone injections, but they were all there to hold my hand and laugh at the joys of our pregnancy.  The previous church we attended never provided us with much support so I was astonished at the outpouring of love we received when we opened up about our infertility.  Elliana will have the biggest family because of the faith family that God gave us.

There are so many other people who influenced us along this journey.  It would take days for me to write about all of them.  Again, I am finding myself full of sentiment these days and I want it all recorded before I forget these feelings.  I'm looking to this blog post as the thank you card that can never fade away.

Bronchitis

I am so thankful that I only have Bronchitis! We were at the ER for a total of 4.5 hours today. We are both exhausted!

They ordered blood work, a flu test, and chest X-ray. My white blood cell count was still high at 13,000 but down from 17,000 last Wednesday. The flu test was negative an the chest X-ray was clean.

They have me a steroid shot in the hiney and two different Rx. I'm on yet another antibiotic (third new one in five days) and they also gave me some eye drops.

Brandon and I are both grateful that it's nothing too serious. I'm also thankful that they let me come home rather than staying overnight. Don't get me wrong, Bronchitis is NO fun either. I'm hoping and praying to start feeling better now. I'm going back to Brookwood on Friday for my 3-hour GTT, doctor appointment, and 3D ultrasound. It will be a busy day but we cannot wait to see our precious Elliana again!

Thank you for all of the support!

Hope Renewal??

"It can take a lot of courage to be real and honest with others.  Be brave and let your truth shine."- via text message from Attain Fertility

I never want my blog to be one that brings others down.  I hope (there's that awesome word)  to be positive and optimistic about each step in our journey.  That isn't always going to be the case.  It is impossible to be upbeat, excited, and happy ALL of the time no matter what type of situation Life has thrown at you.

I have made a Resolution to be "Surprisingly Satisfied."

"I do solemnly resolve to embrace my current season of life and will maximize my time in it.  I will resist the urge to hurry through or circumvent any portion of my journey but will live with a spirit of contentment."  The Resolution for Women p30 (spoken aloud and signed 7-17-12)

Yesterday was a bad day.  There's no other way to explain it, but that was yesterday.  Today is a new day and it's a great day to have a good day!

Let me also say that my husband is amazing.  He was truly meant to be my better half.  Only he can calm me down, make me laugh, and make me feel loved all at the same time.  He is my rock and I am glad that God chose him to be my sneakers (inside joke y'all should all know by now).

I'm continuing to read The Resolution for Women and it is amazing.  Brandon has already read The Resolution for Men, signed The Resolution, and completed a bible study with the other men at church, but we are now having our own study.  We had said that we would "talk" once a week, but that has turned into about two to three times a week!  God is using this book to help us through our current season of life.  I will continue to post more as I sign each resolution.

source:  Google

Please visit Ali at Not All Dreams Are Free.  She just completed IVF #1 and had her beta(pregnancy test)-->it was low at 13.  They told her to stop crinone and wait for miscarriage.  Please show her some love.  I know she needs it right now.

Wow ...

The outpouring of love we received yesterday was amazing.  

I had to go back to ART for repeat labs.  Everything was NORMAL!  (They were worried about my BUN levels being low due to OHSS) I still am feeling awful each day battling tummy issues, headaches, sleeplessness, and emotions everywhere.  From what I can gather, being emotional right now is just par for the course.

Right now I'm living on peppermints for nausea, Zofran (nausea) , Lomotil (spastic colon), Tylenol (sinus headaches?), Ambien (sleep issues), and Valium (panic/nerves).  I'm not ashamed of what I'm going through right now.

I cried this morning when I thought Brandon was going to have to travel overnight.  (He's not travelling until next week thankfully!)  

I've said this to only a few people, but here goes. . . . . . . . . . . .

I've never felt so alone at any other point in this journey.   

I feel like I have to guard each word I say.write.post,etc., hoping that I don't offend someone.  My thoughts are constantly reflecting on what might have been, as well as the future (mostly the future).
 The only time I find peace is when I'm in prayer or listening to music. ** I know that the Enemy is trying to attack me at my weakest.  **

*Also, my Granny had surgery on her left shoulder yesterday and isn't doing well.  She received a blood transfusion last night and has just been taken off of her pain pump.  She's older and has Pulmonary Fibrosis, Crohn's Disease, and Fibromyalgia (along with other issues).  Her lung doctor was afraid that she wouldn't wake up from the anesthesia.  Please remember her.

My Pages:
FET
IVF #1 (OHSS + 6 frozen Embryos)
The Cost (God ALWAYS provides)

Update to Tuesday Post

On the way to Dad's house, the nurses called.  My BUN (Blood Urea Nitrogen)  is elevated.  Dr. Allemand believes this is still due in part to my OHSS. I have been trying to stay hydrated due to my tummy issues.  They mentioned having more blood work run next week.  I will call tomorrow and see if that's what they want to do.  From what I've read and asked my Mom, it has something to do with my kidney function.  I'm trusting God and Dr. Allemand that they've got this all under control.

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I led Bible Study last night.  It was a small group, but we had great conversation.  I was able to talk openly about how God has blessed us in our fertility struggle. Brandon also asked me questions during the study and it was great for us to open up in front of our faith family.  I look forward to sharing more with more people within the church as time moves on.  God will open up more opportunities for me to share how He has blessed us.

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Brandon is leaving for Jackson, MS today.  I'm not sure if he's coming back on Thursday or Friday.  Rach is spending the night with me tomorrow evening.  =)  I'm still a weenie, and don't like staying at home by myself!

Follow Up Tuesday

We had our follow up appointment with Dr. Allemand this morning.  Brandon had been scheduled to travel to Troy, AL for the day, so Joy had planned on going with me.  At the last minute, B didn't have to travel, but Joy still went with us (She's my person).  I had no idea how I would feel returning to the hospital (since I was admitted last time I was there.)

On the drive there, my tummy started hurting.  I've been having issues since Sunday!  We had to pull over once so I could go to the bathroom.  Please pray that I will begin healing as far as my GI issues are concerned!  This is miserable!  I couldn't stay at work all day yesterday, and am having trouble eating anything at all.  I'm in a constant battle with Dehydration right now.

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We were barely seated in the waiting room five minutes when they called my name.  Dr. Allemand walked into the exam room and checked out my tummy (as well as my new ink) and said that I looked great.  We talked at length about my emotional issues, GI problems, sleeplessness, and the FET process.  

I am currently CD7 of this cycle of healing.  I will call on CD1 of my next cycle and we will move forward with the FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) from there.  People usually have a 30% chance of pregnancy with FET, but he said that my rates should be higher due to the quality of my embryos.  We will TRANSFER 2 EMBRYOS on the day of our FET.  There is an 80% chance of survival for each embryo during the thawing process.  (We will ask for prayer for the embryos when the thawing process begins). 

My funky socks waiting for my pap and ultrasound

His work is NEVER done. =)  

From my notes, I knew that they would want a pap smear in the month of July if I was not pregnant.  It was AWFUL!  My nurse couldn't find my cervix and Brandon was about to make her stop.  I was crying, but began praying the Benediction aloud and she found it.  The ultrasound (vaginal) was much easier.  She did still see residual fluid, but nothing that looked problematic.  Also there were residual cysts on my ovaries (which is also considered normal right now.)

We did have a copay of $35 today for my visit.  We have an unpaid balance of $460.80 from the IVF/Cryopreservation.  Thankfully, the did not make us pay that part today, but it must be paid in full before we begin the FET process.

Our nurse gave us much paperwork in preparation for the FET:

We stopped by the 2nd floor on our way out.  I had some goodie bags made for three particular nurses who took such great care of me while I was in the hospital.  =)  I only got to see one of them and she recognized me immediately and hugged me.

Janet called and asked to be sure that we wish to thaw and transfer 2 embryos at our transfer.

I came home, popped some popcorn and napped.  I'm exhausted!  Also, I'm leading Bible Study this evening; talking about how God has blessed our fertility struggle.

Sorry this was a LONG post, but I had a lot to say.  =)

FET page

COST

Breakdown

The title says it all.  It happened last night.  I fell apart.  Overwhelmed is the only way to express how I feel.

After work, we went to dinner with Rachel & Clint.  It was a good distraction from my emotions.  We had a great meal at Olive Garden, and we talked about all kinds of things.  B and I enjoy our time with them!  Once we got home, it hit me how tired I had been feeling all day.  I realized that I have not slowed down since I got out of the hospital.  I've felt so busy at home and work.  My boss reiterated that I'm in a marathon that cannot be won in a day.  Brandon and I talked for a while last night and he prayed over me before we went to sleep.  I cried so much last night that I still have bags under my eyes even now.

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Today I woke up trying to make it a good day.  I called Brookwood asking more about the nurses who took care of me.  The girl who I spoke with is also a patient of Dr. Allemand.  She has Stage III Endometriosis and needs another surgery (to remove the endo) before they can attempt an IUI.  She will need injectable medications for her IUI and I hope that it will work out that I can help her by donating my unused Follistim.  It's amazing how God works!

Sarah and I went shopping today and I was able to go ahead and get some shopping done for Christmas.  If I don't get started now, there's no way that we'll be able to afford buying for our family and friends.

Sarah with one of the shirts on sale!

I purchased 16 Christmas gifts today; some were got multiple gifts for the same person.  

I also bought some things for myself!

Here is a shot of the Christmas gift items I purchased!

Also, we all have a love affair with Lilly Pulitzer at work!  

My calendar just arrived!  I was super excited.  

Here is a picture of me with mine and then one of Jenna and myself posing.

And Rachel had to mess around with the camera, so here's a picture of her goofing around.  =)

It may not look like I'm having a hard time in these pictures, but retail therapy and prayer does wonders.  I am surrounded by such great people.  

Funday Friday

This was a picture of my first day back at work.7-3-12

I liked my outfit today

Full Shot (today)

Sending a present to a fellow fertility buddy today!

This is on our "wedding wall."  We hung B's Resolution this morning!

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I thought I would start with some pictures today.

I went to church last night after work to practice with the band and it was exhausting!  I'm excited to be singing on Sunday, but I'm nervous at the same time.  At the Mother/Daughter Banquet, my mother and I sang together.  I'm hoping that I'll be able to continue practicing and singing at church. If it's what God wants me to do, I'll do it!  

On a fertility note, I'm still losing weight each day.  My tummy has been bothering me yesterday and today, and it's been hard to eat.  I'm hoping that it will stop soon.  I was only able to eat half of a kid's meal at lunch.  Also, I had been going strong on limiting my caffeine intake and was just too tired today.  Each day I'm feeling more and more like myself. =)
*UPDATE*
We have spent $17,308.36  just this year on our fertility journey.  All I can say is GOD PROVIDES!

Busy, Busy Day

I was able to get some sleep this morning after being awake from 4-7am.  My hormones are still all out of whack and I'm having terrible hot flashes while I'm sleeping.  I went back to bed and got up at 9am and got ready from there.  It was nice to put on pretty clothes and have washed hair.

I made a "To Do" list for the day.  It was pretty long.

This was my work space.  Dad's lent me his laptop for the time being.  I'm tired of laying in bed all day.  This was a change of scenery.

My List of things "To Do"

 It's amazing how busy I was today.  I took it easy, but I'm just exhausted!  I've been listening to music all day which always helps.  I was able to cross a lot off the list, but it will take some time.  I've had many "thank you" notes to write.

Rebecca visited with me today.  She brought me lunch and the beautiful flowers pictured below.  I was able to talk with her about my journey and how God has been ever present.  She has her own powerful testimony as well.  Right now, it's just good for me to be around positive people.  It's good for me to share what God is doing in my life, as well as my life with B.

I drove to the grocery store with B for the first time in 10 days.  I think I may be able to drive myself to work tomorrow.  I haven't had pain medicine in days, but my mind is ever foggy/clouded/confused.  I'm sure it will just take time to feel completely like me; however, I was kinda crazy anyways!

My beautiful flowers from Rebecca

I called ART today and have my appointment scheduled with Dr. Allemand for July 10 at 9am.  Of course, B is going to be out of town.  I'm working on finding a buddy to go to the appointment with me.  Going to this type of appointment by yourself isn't a good idea.  It's always better to have two sets of ears listening.  At this appointment we'll be talking about the FET. 

Thank you for the continued support; I need it.

Weekend Recap

It's going to be a long post, but I hope you'll stay with me.

My mind is still recovering from all of the pain medications.  I have some moments where I feel completely alright and others are just weird.  When we first got home on Friday I didn't know what to do.  I was confused.  It was strange to be back home after being in my little hospital room for so many days.

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Dad and I did a lot of cleaning and picking up Friday.  I overdid it, because I get these bursts of energy and then I crash.  The Mackey family brought us a lovely dinner and we spent some time in fellowship.

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On Saturday I knew that I needed to go to Walmart to buy underwear.  I know, right?!?  The laundry has been devouring B's "droors" and I needed some too.  My belly is still kinda sore and not a whole lot of my unmentionables fit.  B helped me get cleaned up and ready and that wore me out!  I was sitting down resting when Dad got here.  We got to Walmart and he got me a buggy mostly for support.  We had two tasks:  underwear and lunch.  We found unmentionables for both B and me and then Dad mentioned needing a case of water.  Well, let me tell you that after being cooped up in a hospital room for 5 days and then being around a bunch of people is crazy.  Going to Walmart was the icing on the cake.  I was overwhelmed.  If you had looked at me it was obvious that I wasn't feeling well.  I started breathing heavily and told Dad that we needed to get out fast.  I had to use the buggy to get back to the truck.  Plus, this Alabama heat hasn't helped much with my recovery from dehydration either.

We got some lunch and headed home.  I ate and took a nap.  The littlest things wear me out! Well, I woke up and my mom was here doing laundry!  She must have washed, dryed, and put up about four or five loads of laundry.  She also cleaned my bathroom and organized under my sink.  She unloaded the dishwasher and picked up the kitchen.  I had no idea that she was coming, and it was a great surprise.

The pastor and his wife brought us dinner Saturday night.  Our faith family has been so supportive.  We have had meals brought to us two nights in a row!

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Yesterday, we went to church and it was amazing.  When we first got there I was very shaky.  It took a lot of energy for me to get ready for church and have my bags packed for the lake later that day.  I was so happy to be with my faith family to worship.  I was finally able to feel free to worship my mighty God.  I had asked Terry, our pastor, if I could get up and say a few words.  I thanked everyone for their continued prayer and support.  I've never spoken in front of our church before.  I don't know how I did it, but He was helping me with the words. 

During church I had a scare where I began spotting.  It's stopped now, but I know that AF will be arriving at some point.  Luckily, Erica was near and able to keep me calm.  It just scared me.  I thought I had done something "in there" by moving around too much.

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After church we headed to the Lake Logan Martin with the Boyington Family to celebrate Gina's birthday.  I got all shaky/nervous once we got there but it wore off.  It was super hot at the lake!  I did put on a bathing suit and get on the big Island float.  B bandaged my place where my catheter was with a waterproof bandaid.  I did my best to keep it from getting wet.  I stayed in the shade and drank plenty of fluids.  I missed not being able to be in the water with everyone else.  After so long I had to go inside.  I got cleaned up and changed and just rested.  I ended up taking a 45 minute nap on the couch because I was so worn out.

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Brandon and I talked a lot in the car.  We have been praying together each evening.  We are also trying to find a bible study to do.  Somehow, we started singing in the car.  We both love singing!  Once we got home, he pulled the guitar out and we sat outside with the dogs.  We pulled out the iPad and put it on the Pandora Edwin McCain station and our song, "I'll Be," came on.  It was our first dance on our wedding day.  We slow danced in the back yard at dusk and it was romantic.  I sang the song to him as we danced.  It was kinda funny because Daisy (our lab/rottie puppy) was trying to dance with us.  Overall, we had  a a great weekend.  It was full.  It was busy.  We are blessed.

 God has blessed Brandon and I with so much.

Recovery

I just wanted to post a quick update. I don't have a lot of time for a detailed post...we're at the lake today celebrating our sister's birthday. Don't worry, I'm taking it easy! This heat here in Alabama is brutal! I've been drinking lots of water and taking breaks inside. I'm still getting winded easy and having some bouts of confusion and emotional outbreaks. Every day is going to get a little bit easier. Thank you again for all of your support.

HOME SWEET HOME

I was released from the hospital today.  Brandon and I arrived home by noon.

Last night we didn't have anyone bringing us dinner up to the hospital so I braved ordering from "room service."  I kept it simple and ordered a personal pepperoni pizza, salad with ranch dressing, and chocolate chip cookies.  While I was waiting on my food to arrive I started feeling extremely tired and hungry.  B opened me up some graham crackers and I ate them, but I then started feeling faint.  Within a few minutes, my meal arrived and I could barely eat.  We reclined my bed back and it took a lot out of me just to eat.  It was such a strange exhausted feeling.  I managed to eat my salad and pizza and then went straight to sleep.  After sleeping for about 25 minutes, my nurse (one of the head nurses) came in to wish me well and she could tell that something was off with me.  We told her what had happened and she said that she believed that my blood pressure had bottomed out.  She told me to be careful getting up after laying down.  As the shift changed and the new nurse took my blood  pressure, it mysteriously went up and was elevated.  Go Figure! We already knew that I was an odd bird.  HeeHee

There was nothing worth watching on tv, so I chose to watch Fireproof.  If you haven't seen this movie, I highly recommend it!

I had a hard time sleeping last night. I spent a lot of time in prayer for the most part.

This morning, we had to wait a little while for Dr. Allemand to finish between surgeries to come in and give us our update. All of my labwork from today looked GREAT.  I told him that I was nervous about having the catheter removed, so he asked if I would rather him do it.  Of course I said yes.  Within less than five minutes, it was out and I was giving him a big hug.  We have been greatly blessed by having such a great doctor.

 It took no time at all for us to be discharged.  I am glad to be at home.  Paula, Mackey, and Nicole brought us dinner tonight. Once I got home I had to clear the table of all of my fertility drugs.  I thought I was ok, but I broke down and cried HARD once I saw all of it.  Dad and Brandon both helped me organize everything and put it in a box.  We'll be needing those Progesterone shots soon enough with our upcoming FET.

I have so much more that I want to say right now, but I'm so tired.  My body is still aching all over.  Thank you for reading.

Day 4 in the Hospital

I can't believe that I've been in the hospital for four days.

Last night was rough to say the least.  I've started getting itchy from all of the Lortab that I've been taking.  They gave me Benadryl yesterday because I was clawing myself to death.  Well...  let's just say that

Benadryl + Lortab + Courtney= disaster

My evening nurse came in around 9:30pm to give me my evening Lortab and Valium.  I was only asleep about two hours when I awoke terrified from a nightmare.  My nurse happened to be in the room and calmed me down and gave me a glass of water.  I went back to sleep and awoke again about an hour later.  This time I was freaking out.  I was panicked.  I made Brandon wake up and sit with me.  I couldn't explain it, but I was terrified.  He prayed with me and I was then able to go back to sleep.  That only lasted about another hour.  I woke up this time nauseated.  I hit the call button for the nurse and told her that I was having trouble sleeping.  At this point, I had taken 2 Lortab 7.5s and a Valium.  There is no reason why I should have been awake!

My evening nurse is so amazing.  She could tell that I was rattled and just needed to walk around.  She helped me get dressed, unhooked my IV, and walked with me to the nurse's station.  She and the other night nurses talked to me until I couldn't stand up anymore.  When we returned to my room, it was time for more pain meds.  My nausea and dizziness was getting worse so she gave me Phenergan too.  I slept soundly the rest of the night.  I was so tired.  Brandon and I have kept our usual schedule and been waking up around 6:30-7am the previous mornings.  We both slept until about 8am this morning.  The nurses came in to get my vitals, but I was delirious.  When Dr. Allemand came in, we actually woke up!

Here were my questions for him along with his responses:

• I've had trouble emptying my bladder completely, but he assured me that was normal after OHSS
• My nausea has returned.  He told me that the symptoms of OHSS would continue to come and go.  It doesn't just disappear.

He allowed the nurses to completely disconnect me from my IV today!  He said that my blood work looked good as well.  My potassium was lower today while my calcium was higher than yesterday.  He said that my body would regulate that on it's own.  Dr. Allemand's plan is for me to go home tomorrow.  I'm so excited!  =)  He said that it's going to be a few days before I'm feeling back completely normal.  They will remove my catheter tomorrow and he said I have more fluid build back up afterward, but nothing like how it was previously.

I am just so excited to be going home tomorrow. Cabin Fever has set in and I've not been able to get much rest today.  Every time I fell asleep, someone came in to check my vitals, or one of our phones rang!  Brandon and I have both been so blessed by everyone's kind messages, calls, and visits.  We appreciate it.

I'd like to make a blanket apology for any of the typos/grammatical errors in any of the past posts and the future ones due to my lack of rest and medicine intake.  Thank you for reading.  Thank you for supporting me through one of the lower parts of our journey. 

Day 3 at the Hospital

My days feel like they're starting to run together.  I feel like I've been here much longer than three days. 

One of our associate pastors at church (Larry) stopped by to check in on us last night.  I know that God told him to come and visit us when he did.  He talked to us about how difficult our journey through infertility has been.  He asked us questions that no one else has ever asked us before.  He actually asked us about all of the unsolicited advice we receive.  He mentioned how people often don't know what to say, so they say condescending things like "it will happen when it happens," or "it's a part of God's plan." Brandon and I were able to let off some much needed steam talking to him.  Last night was also the first time we let our guards down and and cried about our current situation.  We have both been trying to stay strong for each other.  Last night we both let go.

Brandon and I were both so hopeful for this IVF attempt.  For the most part, everything went as well as could be expected up until time for the embryo transfer.  The past few days have been so difficult for me because many people haven't truly understood how we feel.  So many people actually thought we were just postponing the transfer a few days.  (You CANNOT do that.  Embryos must be transferred at either day 3 or day 5-after that they must be frozen.) So many individuals are clueless about anything relating to infertility.  Also, I don't think that everyone has understood the severity of  my situation.  Yes, I knew all of the risks involved when we started the process of IVF.  I was counselled about OHSS, but did not think it would happen to me.  Everyone thinks that they're invincible.   It usually only affects 10% of women undergoing fertility treatment.  If you saw me in the days leading up to our scheduled transfer, it was written all over my face how much pain I was going through.  I could barely sleep at night.  I couldn't get up out of bed or even walk without someone holding on to me.  This has been the worst pain that I've ever endured, both emotionally and physically.  If you have not ridden the roller coaster of emotions that infertility takes you on, then you will not understand.  We waited and waited and waited to start this cycle.  Now we are back to waiting.  Healing, waiting, and preparing for another cycle. 

Dr. Allemand stopped by this morning to check on me.  I know that everyone is partial to their own doctor, but I am crazy about mine.  It lifted my spirits seeing him (as well as Kayla stopping by). He said that my white blood count and hemoglobin is looking much better.  My calcium is still low, but this is normal with cases of OHSS.  He was still upset about Radiology's neglect in getting my catheter placed in a timely manner.  He assured me that we would be able to go home before the weekend.  He's reduced my IV fluids, but I'm still pretty dehydrated.  All of my fluid intake had been going straight to my stomach. My catheter bag has slowed, but is still draining. My belly is still swollen, but is nothing like it was before.  Now it looks like it did when I was stimming.  In retrospect, I should have taken a picture of my stomach each day.  The thought never occurred to me because I felt so terrible.  I'm hoping that they will weigh me later on today.  I have also started Lovenox injections to prevent blood clots.  I'm no longer wearing the pressure cuffs on my legs, but I'm apparently still at risk for developing clots. 

I will continue to glorify God no matter the circumstance.  Things could have been much worse than they truly are.  I can do all things with Him.  Without God, we would have never gotten as far as we did in the IVF process.  He provided in every aspect of the situation.  He is my source of strength.  When I am weak He is strong.  He is the only reason that I am able to make myself get up out of this hospital bed and try to feel better.

Pigtail Catheter- OHSS

They put a pigtail catheter into my right side early this afternoon.  They only gave me a local anesthetic before jabbing the tube inside me.  It was anything but pleasant.  They've emptied the bag attached six times already.  It's crazy how much fluid was in my belly.  My tummy is still tender to touch, but it's not as swollen as it was previously.  I'm hoping that I'll be able to go home on Thursday.

I've been sneaking naps in whenever possible.  Brandon's got his iPad and laptop with him, so he's been able to work today.  Dad hung around for the majority of the day, and Liz stopped by with two different soups for me from Panera.  It's amazing how I could be so tired from doing nothing.  I can't believe that I made it five days at home before being admitted to the hospital.  I was in so much pain.  It still hurts when I get up to go to the bathroom.  Now I have to hold onto my belly drip bag each time I get up!  I'm not sure when I'll feel like my old self again.

There's been a lot of confusion from people about when we will transfer our embryos (this being from those who don't know much about infertility.)  Because I was admitted to the hospital having all the fluid in my belly, it made an embryo transfer impossible right now.  Our six embryos are now frozen and waiting for us to attempt a Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) at a later date.  Dr. Allemand stressed that we only needed one break cycle for my body to heal.  From there, I'm not sure when we'll attempt a FET.  Brandon seems to be leaving it up to me.  To quote him, he said that "he's not the one having to take all of the injections."

It hit me today how upset I am about this cycle ending the way it did.  No, I couldn't have done anything differently to combat OHSS.  Everything else about our IVF cycle was perfect.  I responded well to the stimulation injections and produced many eggs.  We ended up with great embryos as well.  We were both excited and ready to get pregnant.  It just hurts our hearts that we have to wait again.  We've grown especially accustomed to waiting when it comes to getting pregnant.  We do know that God has a plan for us and a special child waiting.  Until it's time for us to begin trying again, I will focus more on Him and His plan.  I know that the next few months are going to be hard for me.  I never anticipated getting this far into our IVF cycle to have to postpone our Embryo Transfer.

No Transfer Today; OHSS; In Hospital

We did not do the embryo transfer. My OHSS is worse than expected. One of the nurses did an ultrasound on my belly and it was full of fluid. Dr. Allemand thought it best to have me admitted so that they can put a catheter in my belly to drain the fluid. I am situated with my IV and have been given two Loratab. I'm already feeling a little bit better, but am scared of the drain. As of now, we have 4 AA, 4 AB, and 3 BA quality embryos. They said that we are a candidate for a single embryo transfer. I'm not sure when we'll be able to attempt the Frozen Embryo Transfer, but at least we have great quality embryos. Your prayers are greatly appreciated. I've been in a lot of pain over the past few days and it all makes sense now. We're both obviously upset that our transfer didn't happen today, but we want the best for our future children. God is good all the time. As much as it hurts right now, I know that He has a plan for us.

Next steps in the plan

My appointment with Dr. Allemand went well. =) He said that my incisions looked great and my body should be healed and ready for pregnancy.

He said that we could start "trying" again as soon as my next cycle begins. Right now, I am not ready. Brandon and I have both discussed waiting through March before continuing.

Dr. Allemand recommended that we pursue IVF next. He feels that with out specific situation, we have a higher rate ofsuccess (pregnancy) with IVF. Because we have 10+ frozen specimens, he did say that he would attempt one more IUI if that is what we wish.

I am almost 100% positive that we will try one more IUI before making the leap to pursuing IVF.

Follow Up Appointment Today

I'm seeing Dr. Allemand today at 12:30pm.  I'm nervous that I'll forget to ask a question since Brandon is out of town for work and cannot be there!  I will post once I'm home!!

Dr. Childs's (pelvic pain specialist) office just called telling me that they had a cancellation for tomorrow.  It figures that Paul is out of town and I cannot take a few hours to go tomorrow. =(  I told them to notify me if another appointment comes available.

I've decided that I would like to begin writing a book.  Obviously, it would deal with Infertility, but emphasize how God has guided me through this process.  That's all I know right now.  I couldn't sleep the other night, and I believe it was because God was speaking to me.  I wish He would choose a time other than 3am, but I'm just glad that I heard Him. =)

UTI

So I broke down and called the DR yesterday.  My abdomen was hurting, and I had noticed that I was having some pain when I went to the bathroom.  After calling Dr. A's office, they thought it sounded like a bladder infection.  There was no way that I could leave work and make it to ART and back to work within an hour, so they suggested that I just go to American Family Care.  Well, I got there and sure enough, it was a bladder infection.  It's amazing what antibiotics can do.  Most of the pain I was feeling is now gone.  They also gave me that medicine that enhances the color of your pee.  Brandon thinks it's funny and keeps going behind me double flushing the potty!!  They said that it was normal to have an infection after having surgery, especially one that involved a catheter.  I slept so much better last night and feel more rested today!

Work & Icky Recovery

I went back to work yesterday.  It was GREAT to see the girls, but I feel like I "overdid it."  I had to take 2 Loratabs last night to go to bed.  The pain was intense.  My lower abdomen was in extreme turmoil.  It felt like my ovaries were going to erupt and burst out of my belly.  I'm hoping and praying that today is a better day.  My belly is still swolen and painful to touch.  Again, this recovery has been NOTHING like my last surgery.  This one has had me in much more pain. 

Thank you for the comments on the surgery, but it has not been a good recovery. =(