Monday, June 10, 2013
Lack of Blogging
I do apologize for the lack of posts. Elliana does make it more difficult for me to sit down and write these days. I'm sure we will get our schedules worked out soon!
My day is filled now with napping, snuggles, breast feeding, pumping, and diapers. I am absolutely in love with my daughter, but I am also exhausted.
Saturday was our first day without any visitors since sweet Ellie's birth- that's right, we had 18 days straight of people visiting. Overwhelmed doesn't even describe it.
Because I've shared everything here in the past, it's only fair to note that I'm struggling with PPD. I knew very little about it before I had Elliana. I thought that my life would just be perfect and filled with non-stop joy once she arrived. Add a rough recovery plus too many visitors along with my crazy hormones and past infertility history and its just the right combination for PPD. I was uneasy about sharing this because of my past infertility struggle. Being a mother is a great gift, but I often find myself so anxious and overwhelmed. I see her growing and changing each day and I'm reminded of what it took to have her. What if I blink and she's grown up? The slightest little thing sets me off into a rage of tears. Brandon has been so strong for me. When I find myself feeling like a bad mother because I can't get Ellie to stop crying he's right there reassuring me. Our sweet baby has such a hard time burping that she has awful tummy aches that make me cry seeing her hurt.
I've always hated the statement that nothing prepares you for parenthood, but it's true. I often feel like I have no idea what I'm doing until instinct takes over. I just know that I could be feeling even worse if Brandon wasn't so supportive and willing to help.
So again, I'm sorry about the lack of posts lately. I'm still here, I just don't always know how to put into words how I'm feeling--- yes that's right, me at a loss for words. ;-)
Blogged by Court