Precycle Visit

We had our Pre-cycle Visit with Janet today.  The appointment went well and was all low stress!

Thankfully, Brandon and I have had many realistic discussions about all aspects of IVF.  We signed all of the necessary paperwork to proceed with our IVF cycle. Much of the paperwork concerned some serious decisions.  If you have not gone through the IVF process yourself, you probably have no idea about some of the situations we are faced to consider.

• We have chosen to donate any ill suited eggs for use in the lab. (not all eggs are suited for fertilization)
• We have chosen to donate any embryos not suited for cryopreservation for use in the lab.
• In the event that I pass away and we have unused frozen embryos, I have given Brandon consent to use them to have our child.
• In the event that Brandon passes away and we have unused frozen embryos, he has given me consent to use them to have our child.
• In the event that we both pass away and have unused frozen embryos, we will have them donated so that someone else will have the opportunity to become parents.
• We have appointed our sister-in-law, Sheri, as our emergency contact in respect to our fertility.  She knows all of our wishes and would be the best equipped person to make decisions for us if Brandon and I were both left incapable. 

We also discussed the medications.  I already have:

• Lupron (received last week)
• 900 iu Follistim (donated from Toni @ Who is this "Fertile Myrtle"?
• 600 iu Follistim (donated by ART after my cancelled cycle in Jaunary)
• 10,000 iu Novarel (purchased for cancelled cycle in January)

I still need additional Follistim, Menopur, 5,000 iu Novarel, and progesterone.  My pharmacy called today and the remainder of my required medicine is $1532.39.  Insurance covered the progesterone and I only owe a $10 copay.  I was expecting the medicine to cost more and so was Brandon, so we were relieved that it was under $2000.

Our payment for our cycle is due next Wednesday.  It's $8660.  All I can say is that God provides.  At this point, I have not looked at the grand total for this IVF cycle.  I'm sure it's going to add up quickly, but having a precious baby in my arms will be worth it. 

I have updated my IVF Schedule page.  I will continue to write blog posts, as well as update the page as we move forward. =)

Stress...

Thank you to all that commented on my last post. I'm feeling much better. My stress levels have just been maxed out. My TMJ pain has been bothering me for over a week, and I haven't been able to take anything for pain since we're in our IVF cycle. It's been difficult to eat anything!

I mentioned in my last post about stress and how I've not been ok.  Here is a little glimpse, as well as news about the week:

• Dad and his girlfriend broke up over a month ago.  It's been so hard for me to see him upset.  To be honest, I couldn't stand the girl he was seeing.  I didn't like her, and I could not trust her.  He knew how I felt, and I told him that I could bare to stand her as long as she was nice to him.  She led him on for a few weeks and then chose to end their text message via text.  Talk about immaturity.  I don't want to sit and divulge information about their messed up relationship here, but it's been hard for me.  Other than Brandon, my Dad is my best friend.  He's always been there to support me.  How am I supposed to make him feel better?  What can I do for him?  It had gotten difficult for me to even talk to him because he was so angry/sad/upset all the time.  It was starting to bring me down.  I've never not been able to just pick up the phone and call him.  Things are better now, and he did so much to help out yesterday with B's accident and the kids.  (read following bullet point)

• Brandon and Nate got up early to go to the gym on Friday morning. Let me start by saying that B always goes the gym around 4:30am. It's how he likes to start the day. He usually walks to the gym, because it's one of those 24-hour places near our house. Well, yesterday morning, he was on the bench press when he dropped the bar on his chest. He's NEVER had an accident in the gym before! He was readjusting his hands when the bar slipped, dropping 150 lbs on his sternum. After about 15 minutes or so, he and Nate were able to walk home. It was about 5:30 am at the point. He walked back in our room and woke me up. He was still terrified and told me that we needed to go to the ER to get an x-ray. Thankfully, everything looks alright. They gave his some medicine for pain, and it makes him able to move around. He was extremely lucky. He typically uses more weight and this all could have been more serious. 

•  My BBT plummeted earlier this week.  I know, I shouldn't be taking my temp anymore...  BUT I'm on BCP, this should not have happened. I called the nurse line and they said that it could have been due to the cyst (yes, it's still there.)  It did go back up and I have stopped taking my BBT now.  Also, I left message for Janet that I would be short 2 BCP to complete my protocol, but Laura found a few extra Loestrin 24FE and gave them to me so my calendar should be fine.

•  B playes co-ed church league softball.  (He may not now due to his above stated injury).  At the ball park on Tuesday, I saw an extremely pregnant girl smoking.  It took all I had not to say something.  Really people?  Talk about white trash.

I worked half a day yesterday to get back home and watch over Brandon. Beth and I made Strawberry Shortcake, Tomato Bread, and Spinach dip for today at the lake before we cooked dinner.  Laura came over and ate dinner with us and played with Daisy and Logan.  It turned out to be a good day.

Here are some pictures from the week.  Yes, I've been stressed, but I've been stressed around my amazing family. =)

Randal, Me, and B on the seadoos last weekend

Me and Randal at the lake last weekend!  LIFE IS GOOD!

Randal & Me with our floppy hats for summer

Me, Laura, Jen, and Rach at Laura's Graduation

Randal, Rach, Jen, Laura, Me, Pete, and Paul in the back after dinner Thursday evening. 

Rach and me at Laura's Graduation

Nate, Brandon, Me, and Beth at Mizu for Laura's graduation

Circle & Bloom

I recently submitted a guest post for Circle & Bloom.  They specialize in programs for women's health including  fertility.

Check out my guest post here!

Not okay today

How I feel at the moment.

Today is the second day of ICLW.  I would much rather have something positive to write, but I do not.   Sorry.

Last night while I was trying to sleep, I prayed so hard for God to calm my nerves.  Stress has crept up on me. Laura graduates tomorrow, we're having a big dinner for her Thursday evening, and my two younger siblings are staying with us Thursday through Tuesday.  We're going to go to two different lakes this weekend, and I start Lupron and have my precycle visit next week.  The BCP phase of the cycle has flown by.  

Two nights ago, I had a nightmare.  The specifics are blurry, but I had an accident that required surgery.  During the surgery, they had to remove all of my reproductive organs, and I was left with the inability to conceive.  When I woke up I had to convince myself that it was all just a terrible dream. 

How has stress managed to sabotage me so quickly?  I don't know when it happened.  I was fine and then I was not.  I laid in bed crying for a while last night for no reason.  I need peace.  

Some of you might think that I'm a pansy.  What does she have to be worried or stressed about?  Brandon and I are two very blessed individuals.  God has done so much for us.  We don't have any major health or financial concerns and our relationship is sound.  I feel so dumb for being stressed at the moment.  I've prayed so much for God's Will and for a baby.  I desperately want everything with this IVF cycle to go as smoothly as possible.  I have implored God to let this attempt end with a take home baby.  Many other woman have struggled for longer than I have. I don't know how they do it.  I don't know how I've made it this far.  I know that my faith in God has helped me greatly.  I don't think He wanted me to hurt this badly, but He will provide.  His plan will be revealed. 

As we get closer to starting Lupron and then stimulation drugs, I realize that I am terrified.  Not of what my body will be going through, but of failing.  I've tried to keep all negative thoughts from my mind, but they've started and there's no turning back.  What if I fail my suppression check?  What if we don't get enough eggs?  What if we have poor quality embroys?  What if I don't get pregnant?  There are so many "what if's" and nothing about this is guaranteed.  I guess it was better for me to have all of the feelings now instead of next week when I have the added side effects of Lupron.

If you've stayed with me this long, thank you.  I understand that I just threw myself a pity party.  I'm sure that you who are reading have your own share of struggles.  Mine are probably nothing in comparison to what you're going through, so I'm sorry for unloading.  God, grant me peace and courage.

ICLW: May edition

If you're stopping by from ICLW, thanks!  Mel at Stirrup Queens has done a great job at helping us all make new blog friends!

My name is Courtney (I go by Court) and I'm married to my best friend, Brandon (aka B or Sneakers).  We've been TTC for 2 years now and are pursuing IVF.  I start Lupron next week and am scheduled to begin stims around June 10.

I won't bore you with a complete rundown of our IF journey, but we've been married almost three years; TTC for two.  We've had one IUI that resulted in a chemical pregnancy.  I've had 3 HSGs, 1 SIS, 2 Laps/Hysteroscopies due to a uterine septum.   B is also a Testicular Cancer survivor.  (For more info about our story, click here.) (For more info about our IVF schedule, click here.)

Now to leave you with a little humor.  Happy Monday, all!

I feel this way with or without fertility drugs!

Lucky for me, I have super crazy side effects from all medicine!  
This BCP I'm on now is making me loads of fun to be around!

Because we've all gotten that strange stare from the cashier at WalMart.

Enough said.  Some people just don't know what to say!!

ICLW #11