Thursday, October 25, 2012

Infertility & Negative Chatter

Since August, our Wednesday night Women's Group has been reading Unglued:  Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions by Lysa Terkeurst.

In Chapter 10, Lysa uses the example of "putting words" into her husband's mouth.  She assumed that her husband thought she was being annoying.  We've all been there before in some relationship or another.  We all just assume that our spouse (or any other person) is having particular thoughts or feelings, and we get upset with them for no actual reason.  We come up with our own assumptions in our minds and then get upset.  When I read this chapter, I was reminded of all the thoughts I endured while facing infertility.

When Brandon and I were seeking fertility treatment, I had so much "negative inside chatter" running through my head.  It wasn't always directed at individuals, but I made generalized assumptions about people.  Every time I heard a pregnancy announcement, I was convinced it would never happen for me.  I would then come up with such negative thoughts.  "Those women didn't struggle to conceive."  "She didn't have to go for weekly appointments, ultrasounds, and blood drawls."  I would move from feeling sorry for myself to being jealous of their joy.  I would have so many terrible thoughts running through my head that I would make myself miserable.  Instead of being joyful that they did not struggle, I would feel pity for myself.  How did I know that they didn't have trouble conceiving?  How did I know that they didn't suffer loss?  I was so busy being upset at my own situation, that I didn't realize that everyone endures sad times and trials. From reading Unglued, I know that the enemy was responsible for many of my negative thoughts. Satan used those situations to bring me down.

Insert Lysa's wisdom:
"Toxic thoughts are so dangerous because they leave no room for truth to flourish.  And lies are what reign in the absense of truth." p141

Believe it or not, I still feel slightly upset when I hear pregnancy announcements.  I've talked with other women who have battled infertility and are pregnant, and they understand my feelings.  It's not something that you just forget or get over.  It becomes a part of you.  There is always the constant fear of losing your pregnancy or not being able to conceive again. Brandon kept me grounded during so many rough times.  He was always the voice of reason when all of the negative thoughts would creep in.  Don't get me wrong, he too struggled with his own sadness and jealousy when we were infertile, but he had a better way of keeping it in check. He always reminded me to focus on the positive.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6-7 
We were lucky to have the financial resources to pursue fertility treatment.  Not everyone is so lucky.  We were lucky that his cancer did not leave him sterile.  In Vitro provided us with great quality embryos.  We had an amazing support system at church surrounding us during our trying times.  He always reminded me of the positive things we had going on for us.

When I look back on the two years it took for us to conceive the precious baby growing in my tummy, I am ever reminded of God working in our lives.  I still struggle with negative inside chatter, but now I feel better equipped to deal with those issues.


  1. Just made a post about this verse last month :) love that we can only find an unexplainable peace through Him :)

  2. I too still feel upset at other people's pregnancies, big bellies. Then I need to remind myself it is me too. I don't think you can just forget the hurt that quickly. No doubt when our bellies are huge and bub is kicking about we'll start to realise! -starbe

  3. interesting post. Sometimes I am guilty of putting words into my husband's mouth.

  4. You always have such inspiring posts!

    I nominated you for the Liebster Blog Award. To find out more about the rules, the award and what you do check out this post blog. :)

    1. Thank you for the nomination, but I've already received this award.

  5. G'day!
    What a great blog Courtney. Congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm sure you'll make an amazing Mum/Mom!
    Thanks for blog hopping with us.
    God bless
    Nicki (OBS Leader)

  6. Thank you for the post. In Jan of 2006, I was told I could not have children since I only had 3 eggs left. The fertility people gave me all kinds of other options. My husband and I had limited funds to pursue any options. When the doctors told me I couldn't have children, it felt like my choice of having children was taken away from me. My husband called a close family friend that was a pastor. We had supper and they prayed over me. Wayne and I decide we would try one in vetro and if that did not work, then we were ment not to have children. Well, needless to say, I got pregnant march 7/8. God answered my prayer!!!

    I did have some issues during the pregnancy such as my high blood pressure and the possibility of preeclampsia. I had Brianna on November 9, 2006, three weeks early. She has been the light of my life and she is my miracle baby. Everyone asks me if I am going to have other children. I tell them that God blessed me with a baby and I am not going to risk my life to have another one.

    Thank you for sharing.

  7. Loved how you opened up your heart. beautiful blog. Blessings, Lauren (OBS Small Group Leader)


  8. Also visit my blog post :: instant


Thank you for visiting my blog! I appreciate your comments and support on our journey.

As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.
Psalm 71:14