Follow Up Tuesday

We had our follow up appointment with Dr. Allemand this morning.  Brandon had been scheduled to travel to Troy, AL for the day, so Joy had planned on going with me.  At the last minute, B didn't have to travel, but Joy still went with us (She's my person).  I had no idea how I would feel returning to the hospital (since I was admitted last time I was there.)

On the drive there, my tummy started hurting.  I've been having issues since Sunday!  We had to pull over once so I could go to the bathroom.  Please pray that I will begin healing as far as my GI issues are concerned!  This is miserable!  I couldn't stay at work all day yesterday, and am having trouble eating anything at all.  I'm in a constant battle with Dehydration right now.

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We were barely seated in the waiting room five minutes when they called my name.  Dr. Allemand walked into the exam room and checked out my tummy (as well as my new ink) and said that I looked great.  We talked at length about my emotional issues, GI problems, sleeplessness, and the FET process.  

I am currently CD7 of this cycle of healing.  I will call on CD1 of my next cycle and we will move forward with the FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) from there.  People usually have a 30% chance of pregnancy with FET, but he said that my rates should be higher due to the quality of my embryos.  We will TRANSFER 2 EMBRYOS on the day of our FET.  There is an 80% chance of survival for each embryo during the thawing process.  (We will ask for prayer for the embryos when the thawing process begins). 

My funky socks waiting for my pap and ultrasound

His work is NEVER done. =)  

From my notes, I knew that they would want a pap smear in the month of July if I was not pregnant.  It was AWFUL!  My nurse couldn't find my cervix and Brandon was about to make her stop.  I was crying, but began praying the Benediction aloud and she found it.  The ultrasound (vaginal) was much easier.  She did still see residual fluid, but nothing that looked problematic.  Also there were residual cysts on my ovaries (which is also considered normal right now.)

We did have a copay of $35 today for my visit.  We have an unpaid balance of $460.80 from the IVF/Cryopreservation.  Thankfully, the did not make us pay that part today, but it must be paid in full before we begin the FET process.

Our nurse gave us much paperwork in preparation for the FET:

We stopped by the 2nd floor on our way out.  I had some goodie bags made for three particular nurses who took such great care of me while I was in the hospital.  =)  I only got to see one of them and she recognized me immediately and hugged me.

Janet called and asked to be sure that we wish to thaw and transfer 2 embryos at our transfer.

I came home, popped some popcorn and napped.  I'm exhausted!  Also, I'm leading Bible Study this evening; talking about how God has blessed our fertility struggle.

Sorry this was a LONG post, but I had a lot to say.  =)

FET page

COST

Worship Sunday

I did it. I sang on stage with the praise band during both services. During the week, I had struggled with if I had bitten off more than I could chew (so to speak). Once I woke up this morning I knew that everything would be alright.  It was amazing.  The sermon was about child discipline, and I had a hard time listening.  BUT at the end of the service, Clay asked all of the parents to reach to their children and pray.  The two beautiful ladies next to me on stage heard me start bawling.  My one baby is in Heaven and my 6 embryos are chillin at the Fertility Clinic.  They held me and comforted me.  God is good.

I had posted more, but the computer ate it before it saved...

We hung out with Joy & Tim yesterday.  It was a GREAT day.  We didn't get home until late (for my standards), but we had a lovely day out on the farm.  

I'm speaking to our Bible Study tomorrow night about our fertility struggle.  I pray that God gives me all of the wisdom and courage needed to tell our story.  

• Here is what I posted in our FB's SS Class page:

Tuesday Night Bible Study will be held at my Dad's (Michael Duke)house tomorrow due to VBS decorations.

I will be leading Bible Study (along with Brandon) in discussing how God has blessed our fertility struggle. This will be my first time speaking the entire story (in HOPEful chronological order). I HOPE that all of you are able to attend. I HOPE that this will be the first of many opportunities in that I am able to share Our Pathway to Parenthood.

I will post more tomorrow after my appointment with Dr. Allemand; as well as after my talk.  Please continue to keep me in your prayers.  I was able to eat a little bit yesterday without getting sick, but am not feeling well this morning.   

Breakdown

The title says it all.  It happened last night.  I fell apart.  Overwhelmed is the only way to express how I feel.

After work, we went to dinner with Rachel & Clint.  It was a good distraction from my emotions.  We had a great meal at Olive Garden, and we talked about all kinds of things.  B and I enjoy our time with them!  Once we got home, it hit me how tired I had been feeling all day.  I realized that I have not slowed down since I got out of the hospital.  I've felt so busy at home and work.  My boss reiterated that I'm in a marathon that cannot be won in a day.  Brandon and I talked for a while last night and he prayed over me before we went to sleep.  I cried so much last night that I still have bags under my eyes even now.

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Today I woke up trying to make it a good day.  I called Brookwood asking more about the nurses who took care of me.  The girl who I spoke with is also a patient of Dr. Allemand.  She has Stage III Endometriosis and needs another surgery (to remove the endo) before they can attempt an IUI.  She will need injectable medications for her IUI and I hope that it will work out that I can help her by donating my unused Follistim.  It's amazing how God works!

Sarah and I went shopping today and I was able to go ahead and get some shopping done for Christmas.  If I don't get started now, there's no way that we'll be able to afford buying for our family and friends.

Sarah with one of the shirts on sale!

I purchased 16 Christmas gifts today; some were got multiple gifts for the same person.  

I also bought some things for myself!

Here is a shot of the Christmas gift items I purchased!

Also, we all have a love affair with Lilly Pulitzer at work!  

My calendar just arrived!  I was super excited.  

Here is a picture of me with mine and then one of Jenna and myself posing.

And Rachel had to mess around with the camera, so here's a picture of her goofing around.  =)

It may not look like I'm having a hard time in these pictures, but retail therapy and prayer does wonders.  I am surrounded by such great people.  

Funday Friday

This was a picture of my first day back at work.7-3-12

I liked my outfit today

Full Shot (today)

Sending a present to a fellow fertility buddy today!

This is on our "wedding wall."  We hung B's Resolution this morning!

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I thought I would start with some pictures today.

I went to church last night after work to practice with the band and it was exhausting!  I'm excited to be singing on Sunday, but I'm nervous at the same time.  At the Mother/Daughter Banquet, my mother and I sang together.  I'm hoping that I'll be able to continue practicing and singing at church. If it's what God wants me to do, I'll do it!  

On a fertility note, I'm still losing weight each day.  My tummy has been bothering me yesterday and today, and it's been hard to eat.  I'm hoping that it will stop soon.  I was only able to eat half of a kid's meal at lunch.  Also, I had been going strong on limiting my caffeine intake and was just too tired today.  Each day I'm feeling more and more like myself. =)
*UPDATE*
We have spent $17,308.36  just this year on our fertility journey.  All I can say is GOD PROVIDES!

Pictures of the Tattoo

Here is the link to the blog post I wrote yesterday about the tattoo!

 

As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise You more and more.

Psalm 71:14

Alley Krista was my tattoo artist.  
Here is her website
She is on Facebook

She drew the words onto my skin

She free hand drew the tattoo onto my skin

Listening to a song while she was tattooing

Laura (one of my surrogate daughters) held my hand.  I love this picture

Erica- one of my bffs

Finished

B waiting

Another finished shot- It's a little puffy here

Happy to share the moment with friends

Sweet Laura- Isn't she beautiful!?!

Another finished

Seeing the tattoo for the first time

I'm now wearing my hope

He is such a great support to me

Our love grows stronger each day because of our love for the Father

Bandaging the new ink up

Hydrating- It's still pretty hot here in Bama

With Alley.  She did a GREAT job!

Love her- Erica

and LOVE her too!

My better half and the leader of the Boyington house

Pulling up my hair

Adjusting hair and making sure I'm ready

I'm as happy as a clam. =D  

All of these pictures belong to me!  BUT feel free to share them!

HOPE- Tattoo

I got a tattoo today. 

Here's the link to my Facebook album!  I thought it would be easier to direct you there, rather than upload a million pictures.  (I will at some point, but not tonight.)

The tattoo is symbolic of my/our healing process.  It comes from the scripture:

 "As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise You more and more" 

Psalm 71:14.  

God has been the only constant getting me through the past few days.  I am emotional.  My heart is still broken.  I am healing.  BUT I will never be the same again.  God has blessed me in so many ways and I will forever remember all that He has given me. 

Tomorrow would be our beta day.  For those of you who are fertility newbies--that means we would have found out if we were pregnant or not from our IVF attempt.  I "hope" to have a good day tomorrow.  My nerves will be on edge and I'm praying to remember what God has promised me.  It still hurts, and we are both grieving what might have been.  But we have our 6 embryos that we are grateful for.  Please continue to pray for my precious -embryo-frosty-freezer babies-embabies-!

Thank you to all who have supported us through this journey.  It's not easy, but we will never give up.   God will provide in His perfect timing.  God is good all of the time!

Tuesday

Rachel and Clint ate dinner with us last night.  I cooked dinner for the first time in a LONG time.  It was nothing special, but it turned out ok.  Rach is my surrogate daughter. She calls me "Mom."  God provides.  Her and her boyfriend have been together for about two years now I think.  They are such a good couple.  I am proud of them together.  

They remind me of us.  They have fun together (or at least from what I see.)  We have fun when we're all together.  We're all a bunch of goobs!  We watched Family Guy, talked about poop and farts, and everything else in between.  I made B pull the guitar back out and he played a few songs.  I think he may start teaching Clint to play. 

I'm going to start singing at church.  I grew up singing in church, sang in Chamber/Show Choir for three years in high school, and have always loved just singing.  My voice may not be the best, but it's alright.  I hope to work on that.  I sang for Rachel last night, which took a lot of courage for me to open up.

Please, please, please listen to this song.  It's by Ginny Owens and called "If You Want me To." I hope to be able to sing this at church soon.  Singing it without tears will be the problem.  Joy shared this song with me and it has spoken volumes.

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So far I've made it through the day at work.  I've been able to help customers and even helped sell a pendant.  Now I'm exhausted.  I don't know if I'm going to make it the rest if the day, but I am trying.  I packed myself a big bag of snacks!  I didn't want to risk getting dehydrated or hungry.  =)

Busy, Busy Day

I was able to get some sleep this morning after being awake from 4-7am.  My hormones are still all out of whack and I'm having terrible hot flashes while I'm sleeping.  I went back to bed and got up at 9am and got ready from there.  It was nice to put on pretty clothes and have washed hair.

I made a "To Do" list for the day.  It was pretty long.

This was my work space.  Dad's lent me his laptop for the time being.  I'm tired of laying in bed all day.  This was a change of scenery.

My List of things "To Do"

 It's amazing how busy I was today.  I took it easy, but I'm just exhausted!  I've been listening to music all day which always helps.  I was able to cross a lot off the list, but it will take some time.  I've had many "thank you" notes to write.

Rebecca visited with me today.  She brought me lunch and the beautiful flowers pictured below.  I was able to talk with her about my journey and how God has been ever present.  She has her own powerful testimony as well.  Right now, it's just good for me to be around positive people.  It's good for me to share what God is doing in my life, as well as my life with B.

I drove to the grocery store with B for the first time in 10 days.  I think I may be able to drive myself to work tomorrow.  I haven't had pain medicine in days, but my mind is ever foggy/clouded/confused.  I'm sure it will just take time to feel completely like me; however, I was kinda crazy anyways!

My beautiful flowers from Rebecca

I called ART today and have my appointment scheduled with Dr. Allemand for July 10 at 9am.  Of course, B is going to be out of town.  I'm working on finding a buddy to go to the appointment with me.  Going to this type of appointment by yourself isn't a good idea.  It's always better to have two sets of ears listening.  At this appointment we'll be talking about the FET. 

Thank you for the continued support; I need it.

Weekend Recap

It's going to be a long post, but I hope you'll stay with me.

My mind is still recovering from all of the pain medications.  I have some moments where I feel completely alright and others are just weird.  When we first got home on Friday I didn't know what to do.  I was confused.  It was strange to be back home after being in my little hospital room for so many days.

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Dad and I did a lot of cleaning and picking up Friday.  I overdid it, because I get these bursts of energy and then I crash.  The Mackey family brought us a lovely dinner and we spent some time in fellowship.

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On Saturday I knew that I needed to go to Walmart to buy underwear.  I know, right?!?  The laundry has been devouring B's "droors" and I needed some too.  My belly is still kinda sore and not a whole lot of my unmentionables fit.  B helped me get cleaned up and ready and that wore me out!  I was sitting down resting when Dad got here.  We got to Walmart and he got me a buggy mostly for support.  We had two tasks:  underwear and lunch.  We found unmentionables for both B and me and then Dad mentioned needing a case of water.  Well, let me tell you that after being cooped up in a hospital room for 5 days and then being around a bunch of people is crazy.  Going to Walmart was the icing on the cake.  I was overwhelmed.  If you had looked at me it was obvious that I wasn't feeling well.  I started breathing heavily and told Dad that we needed to get out fast.  I had to use the buggy to get back to the truck.  Plus, this Alabama heat hasn't helped much with my recovery from dehydration either.

We got some lunch and headed home.  I ate and took a nap.  The littlest things wear me out! Well, I woke up and my mom was here doing laundry!  She must have washed, dryed, and put up about four or five loads of laundry.  She also cleaned my bathroom and organized under my sink.  She unloaded the dishwasher and picked up the kitchen.  I had no idea that she was coming, and it was a great surprise.

The pastor and his wife brought us dinner Saturday night.  Our faith family has been so supportive.  We have had meals brought to us two nights in a row!

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Yesterday, we went to church and it was amazing.  When we first got there I was very shaky.  It took a lot of energy for me to get ready for church and have my bags packed for the lake later that day.  I was so happy to be with my faith family to worship.  I was finally able to feel free to worship my mighty God.  I had asked Terry, our pastor, if I could get up and say a few words.  I thanked everyone for their continued prayer and support.  I've never spoken in front of our church before.  I don't know how I did it, but He was helping me with the words. 

During church I had a scare where I began spotting.  It's stopped now, but I know that AF will be arriving at some point.  Luckily, Erica was near and able to keep me calm.  It just scared me.  I thought I had done something "in there" by moving around too much.

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After church we headed to the Lake Logan Martin with the Boyington Family to celebrate Gina's birthday.  I got all shaky/nervous once we got there but it wore off.  It was super hot at the lake!  I did put on a bathing suit and get on the big Island float.  B bandaged my place where my catheter was with a waterproof bandaid.  I did my best to keep it from getting wet.  I stayed in the shade and drank plenty of fluids.  I missed not being able to be in the water with everyone else.  After so long I had to go inside.  I got cleaned up and changed and just rested.  I ended up taking a 45 minute nap on the couch because I was so worn out.

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Brandon and I talked a lot in the car.  We have been praying together each evening.  We are also trying to find a bible study to do.  Somehow, we started singing in the car.  We both love singing!  Once we got home, he pulled the guitar out and we sat outside with the dogs.  We pulled out the iPad and put it on the Pandora Edwin McCain station and our song, "I'll Be," came on.  It was our first dance on our wedding day.  We slow danced in the back yard at dusk and it was romantic.  I sang the song to him as we danced.  It was kinda funny because Daisy (our lab/rottie puppy) was trying to dance with us.  Overall, we had  a a great weekend.  It was full.  It was busy.  We are blessed.

 God has blessed Brandon and I with so much.

Recovery

I just wanted to post a quick update. I don't have a lot of time for a detailed post...we're at the lake today celebrating our sister's birthday. Don't worry, I'm taking it easy! This heat here in Alabama is brutal! I've been drinking lots of water and taking breaks inside. I'm still getting winded easy and having some bouts of confusion and emotional outbreaks. Every day is going to get a little bit easier. Thank you again for all of your support.