Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Wow ...

The outpouring of love we received yesterday was amazing.  

I had to go back to ART for repeat labs.  Everything was NORMAL!  (They were worried about my BUN levels being low due to OHSS) I still am feeling awful each day battling tummy issues, headaches, sleeplessness, and emotions everywhere.  From what I can gather, being emotional right now is just par for the course.
Right now I'm living on peppermints for nausea, Zofran (nausea) , Lomotil (spastic colon), Tylenol (sinus headaches?), Ambien (sleep issues), and Valium (panic/nerves).  I'm not ashamed of what I'm going through right now.
I cried this morning when I thought Brandon was going to have to travel overnight.  (He's not travelling until next week thankfully!)  

I've said this to only a few people, but here goes. . . . . . . . . . . .

I've never felt so alone at any other point in this journey.   

I feel like I have to guard each word I,etc., hoping that I don't offend someone.  My thoughts are constantly reflecting on what might have been, as well as the future (mostly the future).
 The only time I find peace is when I'm in prayer or listening to music. ** I know that the Enemy is trying to attack me at my weakest.  **

*Also, my Granny had surgery on her left shoulder yesterday and isn't doing well.  She received a blood transfusion last night and has just been taken off of her pain pump.  She's older and has Pulmonary Fibrosis, Crohn's Disease, and Fibromyalgia (along with other issues).  Her lung doctor was afraid that she wouldn't wake up from the anesthesia.  Please remember her.

My Pages:
IVF #1 (OHSS + 6 frozen Embryos)
The Cost (God ALWAYS provides)


  1. As you said, no absolutely should not be ashamed of being on medications to help with your nerves. Unless a you have gone through ivf a person has no idea what kind of toll it takes on our mind and body. Also I hate that you feel guarded on what to write or say because you may offend someone. YOu are a very sweet and sincere person and I couldnt imagine you offending anyone. Just remember this is a place for you to get your feelings out.

    I will definitely keep your grammie in my thoughts!

    1. Thanks, Toni! I can always count on you for support. I just recently have felt like I'm constantly letting people down. I've tried to remain strong, but I'm growing tired.

  2. Hang in there sweetie, it does get better. Hormones are the worst!!

  3. Sorry you are feeling so alone right now. I hope you are soon able to feel the outpouring of support from your family and friends, though I understand that's not exactly what you mean by feeling alone. (((HUGS)))

  4. I haven't commented yet but I just want to say I know how lonely this stage in the journey is. I am in a similar situation. 2 years of unexplained infertility. Ivf number one a few weeks before yours, severe ohss resulting in freezing all embryos and hospitalization and a pigtail drain for nine days. While I know God is in control, some days it is hard not to feel alone and the waiting for the FET doesn't help matters. I hope you can draw closer to God during this difficult time and that it all starts getting easier for you!


  5. I will be praying hard for your grandma, and just so you know your blog has been so helpful to me. We are at the beginning of our first IVF and I'm finding myself coming back time and time again to read your back posts, just so I feel like I'm not clueless as things pop up.
    Keep your head up buttercup!

  6. Thinking of you hun... and you're not alone with all of us out here for you. Sorry that you feel this way... sending you love and hugs from afar xoxo

  7. My heart goes out to you and your grandma. I'm glad that tests came back normal and I sure hope you start feeling better.

  8. I'm so glad the tests came back normal. I hate that you feel like you need to guard your feelings because they are just that, your feelings. I hope everything continues to progress in the right direction and you can talk about what happens next very soon. Hugs to you sweet girl.


Thank you for visiting my blog! I appreciate your comments and support on our journey.

As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.
Psalm 71:14