One Month Away and Thank You

We are one month away, or 30 days out from our estimated due date.  My mind can barely comprehend how quickly this pregnancy has flown by.  And when you're talking about a pregnancy achieved by Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART), you're talking about ONE. LONG. PREGNANCY!

Our In Vitro Journey began on May 5 last year when my new cycle started.  From there I took BCP, added Lupron Injections, began another cycle, added stimulation drugs (Follistim and Menopur) and made it to our Egg Retrieval date on June 20.  When we arrived at the clinic on June 25 for our tentative transfer, it was evident that I had severe Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS) and needed to be admitted to drain the excess fluid from my abdomen.  Talk about disappointment, but I was in so much pain that I never cried over our cancelled embryo transfer.  I laid in a hospital bed for five days and looked to God for the answers.  He had never stopped seeking me and I finally allowed myself to rely on Him instead of taking the situation into my own hands.

We let my body heal over a rest cycle and began our first Frozen Embryo Transfer on August 12.  If you're keeping track of your pregnancy from your last menstrual period (LMP), our pregnancy with Elliana started on August 12.  That makes this one super duper long pregnancy!  We failed our first lining check, but took one extra week to  thicken the lining of my uterus and were able transfer two beautiful embryos on September 6, 2012.

On September 10, 2012 I took a HPT and it was positive.  All blood tests confirmed pregnancy and here we are today one month away from the estimated arrival of our daughter.

God answered our prayers to have a child and Brandon and I will forever be thankful.

We would not have endured our journey without some very special people in our lives.  God sent us some special people at different times throughout our journey to help us along the way.

• Sheri, my amazing sister-in-law.  She too endured her own battle with infertility and provided me with support from the first day that I threw out my birth control.  She told me everything that she knew and always helped me find answers when she didn't happen.  I called her first from leaving all of my appointments.  I couldn't have gotten through all of this without her.  She stood by my side through our infertility and pregnancy, and she will stand by my side as I deliver Elliana.
• Dad.  There's not enough space here to tell all that he did for Brandon and me.  I will be writing about my father's love and support in another blog post before Elliana arrives.  What he did for us must be shared.
• Joy, my daughter's (middle) namesake.  She covered us in prayer from the moment she met us.  She allowed me to love on her own miracle child when times were hard.  She went to appointments when Brandon could not and even accompanied both us us when we needed another set of ears to hear.  She showed up to the hospital with goodies when I was admitted.  During our embryo transfer she held Brandon's hand and prayed over me during the procedure.  She was always a positive voice to me and just knew that the transfer would work and give us a child.
• Tonisha, my long-distance friend from Oklahoma. Her love for us has been written in the blog more than once.  She donated much needed medication to us and sewed Elliana's first baby quilt.  She showed me God's love and how He can use anyone to catch your attention.  She and I share different views about religion, but she showed me what it is to love your neighbor better than anyone else could.
• Liz, my college friend turned best friend.  We never seemed to lose touch like most people do when they graduate.  She too had her fair share of trouble when it came to getting pregnant, and was always there to lend a supportive ear.  There were many dinner and drinks nights when we had received unsettling news.  She was here with dinner when I had surgeries and even showed up to the hospital with a baby to just sit with me once before they wheeled me back.  She brought me good food in the hospital, presents when we confirmed our pregnancy, pretty pink cupcakes to celebrate Elliana's gender, and is hosting my baby shower.  She's such the perfect Southern woman and I'm trying to take some tips from her.  She's not your traditional Proverbs 31 woman, but she's pretty dang close in her own way. 
• Jennifer, my former coworker and friend.  God bless her heart, she had to hear me cry and complain so much through our infertility and pregnancy,  BUT she never got upset by it and let me vent.  She always reminded me to find the positive and "silver lining" in every situation.  She researched stones for fertile properties and gave me a rose quartz to wear.  She somehow survived all of my crazy hormonal days and hot flashes and still likes me.  There's a special place in Heaven for her.
• Paul, my former boss.  Not many men understand the desire of a woman to have a child, but he did.  He knew upon hiring me that my greatest desire was to start a family.  He knew more about my follicles, endometrial lining, and hot flashes than any man other than my husband and fertility doctor ever wanted to know.  He always told me that my family came first and supported our journey.  Asking for time off for fertility procedures was never a problem, and I can remember him calling to check on me before surgeries and while I was in the hospital.  I was lucky to work in a loving environment that supported me.
• Tiffany.  My pregnancy would have felt different without her.  After we announced that we were expecting, so many other women in the church also said that they too were pregnant all around our due date.  Tiffany told me in person after her first test.  I think she knew that it would be easier for me to hear it from her.  Our due dates are two days apart and she has given me so much support.  Because it took us so much to achieve our pregnancy,  I still found myself jealous of other women who were expecting, but never her.  I completely ignored other pregnant women except for her.  I just know that our daughters are going to be best friends.
• Rachel, my former coworker and surrogate daughter.  How many 17 year old girls know how to administer fertility drugs?  I didn't keep up with how many injections Rach gave me, but it was a LOT.  She was nervous on the first few but then it just came as second nature.  She attended "mom functions" with me at church, gave me a mother's day gift, and spent the night with me when Brandon traveled.  She's well beyond her years already and has such a big heart for such a young girl.
• Nicole, a lost connection from college.  In her own infertility journey, Nicole found me and we started talking.  It's always nice to be able to talk to someone in person who is also battling infertility.  I'm so happy that she's 10 weeks behind me in her pregnancy with their son, Isaac.  
• Our family.  They were all so excited when we called saying that we were pregnant and even more excited when we found out her gender.  Elliana is the FIRST granddaughter (and great-granddaughter) on Brandon's side of the family and the FIRST grandchild (and great-grandchild) on my side.  
• Our faith family.  Calera First United Methodist Church has never stopped covering us in prayer. Terry and Carolyn prayed over us many times and annointed us with oil.  Terry made hospital appearances when I wasn't even sure he knew I was there!  I'm not sure how many women saw my hiney when I'd search people to help with progesterone injections, but they were all there to hold my hand and laugh at the joys of our pregnancy.  The previous church we attended never provided us with much support so I was astonished at the outpouring of love we received when we opened up about our infertility.  Elliana will have the biggest family because of the faith family that God gave us.

There are so many other people who influenced us along this journey.  It would take days for me to write about all of them.  Again, I am finding myself full of sentiment these days and I want it all recorded before I forget these feelings.  I'm looking to this blog post as the thank you card that can never fade away.

Trying to Conceive and Thoughts for Elliana

It's easy to reflect on our past journey now that Elliana is almost here.  Part of me knew that we would get pregnant, but I had no idea how long it would take.  Sometimes I feel guilty that we responded so well with IVF and that our first FET was successful.  There are so many other women who are still trying to get pregnant after multiple IVF attempts.

Why did it work for us so quickly?  

I began writing on this blog in 2010.  After about five posts or so it became a blog about us trying to get pregnant.  Most of the writing was me hopeless month after month of seeing negative HPTs.  I had no readers and didn't really share my blog with people that I knew in real life.  The address was listed under my information on Facebook, but I wasn't sure that anyone even noticed it.  Through Fertility Friend and other online communities my readership grew and now I'm nearing 100,000 page views.  Who knew that anyone was reading my words from a small town in Alabama.

Now I look at this blog as a gift to Elliana.  My prayer is that she never encounters difficulty when she's ready to start her family.  But I also want her to know that her life was planned and we desperately hoped and prayed for her.  All life is a gift, but I cannot help but know that her life will be full of meaning.  God must have good things in store for her.  I hope that our story continues through her and does not end with her birth.  Elliana will be told from an early age what it took to conceive her.  Who knows if we will ever have another child.  I try to think about having more children, but my mind cannot even comprehend going through more treatment even though we still have four frozen embryos waiting.  

Pregnancy has been no cake walk for me, but it hasn't been unbearable either.  I've never believed women who said they enjoyed every second of their pregnancy anyways.  I'm completely miserable these days, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.  This hidden basketball of a belly under my shirt is what I longed for in the early days of this blog.  

In this last month of pregnancy I am finding myself sentimental and full of thoughts that I want to capture in prose before they escape me.  

--------------------

Elliana,

You are my Joy.  

I will never be a perfect parent, but I will be the perfect mother for you.  God chose to give you to us, and I promise to always protect you.  I vow to love God first, love your Daddy second, and then love you.  I will not make you an idol that I worship, but love you more than you will ever understand until you have children of your own.

Mom.

35 Weeks and Bumpdate

How many weeks:
35 Weeks
Last week of the 8th Month of Pregnancy

How big is Ellie:
The size of a coconut

Maternity Clothes:
Always!  Some maternity shirts are not too short and I have to layer with a tank top.

Weight Gain Alert!
160 lbs
Gained this week:  0 lbs
Total weight gain:  37 lbs

Movement:
She does what can only be described as "bungee jumping."  That's how Dr. McKenzie described it.  Unlike most of the pleasant hiccups and kicks, this movement is all but unbearable.

Food Cravings:
Sweet and sugary stuff!

Food Aversions:
Too much fried food is bad although I crave it often.

My Current Eating Pattern:
I've been following Nesia's eating pattern lately which is LOTS of snacking throughout the day.

Symptoms:
What symptoms do I not have?  
carpal tunnel syndrome is kicking my butt, tender breasts, back pain, fatigue, increased hunger, increased thirst, frequent urination, acid reflux, indigestion, cravings, moodiness, weepiness, nesting, tingly feeling in my hands and feet, bigger feeling in my belly, swollen feet and hands, pain in my hands, anxiety, overwhelmed feeling, pregnancy brain

Stretch Mark Alert!
They are still limited to my booty!

Sleep:
Sleep hasn't been great because I've been back and forth between my house and The Farm.  Nesia cries out in the night sometimes so that wakes me.  Plus we went from having no children to having 4 so I feel like I'm always on alert!

What do I miss:
Not feeling so tired all of the time

Best moment of the week:
Having our appointment and finding out that everything in going well and we're not quite ready to start cervical checks yet!

Worst moment of the week:
Haven't really had one, but it's been a trying week taking care of the kiddos.

What am I looking forward to:
Closing the eighth month of pregnancy and being nine months pregnant.  It's truly flown by for us!

Milestones:
Elliana is head down now!

"Elliana continues to gain weight and weighs about 5.5 lbs now!  She could be around 20 inches long, but she won't get much taller, but fatter in the coming weeks."
from What to Expect When You're Expecting
Bumpdate

Join the Movement and Break the Silence

Why do so many couples remain silent about their infertility issues?  Because I've always been an open book, I do not see how someone could keep it secret.

My husband and I knew early on in our marriage that we wanted to have children.  Because of his past history with Testicular Cancer we knew that we may encounter difficulty but had no idea what was in store for us.  In June 2010 I threw out my birth control and we were ready to  begin "trying."  Prepared with my basal body thermometer and charting software I thought we would be pregnant in no time. Boy was I wrong...

Nothing could have prepared us for the following years.  I will be the first to admit that we had it easier than others.  Our journey only lasted around two years, but those two years were difficult.  So many others struggle much longer only to remain childless.  Our pathway included much anxiety, depression, anger, and all around hopelessness.  We went through  much testing to realize that I also carried half of our infertility burden.  We became pregnant after our first Frozen Embryo Transfer that followed a severe case of OHSS during IVF, two surgeries, a uterine seprtum diagnosis, Endometriosis diagnosis, and one chemical pregnancy.  In those two years our marriage strengthened and grew.  We were luckier than others and drew closer to one another and God in our grief.

Instead of keeping our infertility problems secret, we chose to be open.  When interviewing for a new job, I told my employer that we were trying to get pregnant.  Once I was hired and months passed by it was obvious that something was going on to my boss.  He was more than supportive and always told me that expanding my family came first.  Our families knew that we desperately wanted to begin our family.  We often encountered the typical responses of "you have plenty of time" but we brushed it off.  As we began to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist we made sure that our family and friends knew we would most likely not achieve pregnancy on our own.

My Dad could not understand how he and my mother had me so easily yet I could not get pregnant.  My Mom secretly hid her grief of my infertility to stay strong for me.  They have never told me, but I believe that my parents felt guilt and sadness that they could not help me have the only thing I've ever wanted. 

Looking back I know that our journey would have been different had we not chosen to share our infertility journey.  We received much unwanted and unsolicited advice, but it was only from well-meaning  individuals who cared about us.  In sharing, I was able to help other women around me through my blog with their own infertility burdens.  The relationships that I have now in the infertility community are strong and I could not have made it this far without them.

Our daughter, Elliana Joy Boyington, is due on May 25, 2013.  The name "Elliana" means "The Lord Responded" and that He did.  We will forever be grateful for the gift of her because we prayed for this child like so many other couples facing infertility.

For more information you may visit the following links:
Basic understanding of the disease of infertility
About NIAW

Day Fifteen with the Kiddos

It was much easier waking up this morning and only having to worry about the boys since Nesia stayed with Uncle B.  I didn't sleep well at all because I was up every single hour visiting the potty.  When it was about time for the boys to get up for school I opened the bedroom door and noticed that Paul and Luke weren't in their bed.  They were both on the couch.  I woke Luke up and he told me that he had been sick throwing up all night long.  Poor guy threw up on himself, his brother, and the bed.  He didn't even wake me up through the night.

Paul and Silas got ready for school and I told Luke that he was coming home with me.  We stopped by the Hardee's drive thru and got a plain biscuit and large Sprite.  I think he only ate half of the biscuit, but Sprite always settles my stomach.

Nesia slept in so I was able to catch a quick cat nap in the recliner before she woke up.  I was able to take my shower and get ready before she was up and moving.

She adores Brandon.  I can already tell that there will be some jealousy once Elliana is born.

She played in the floor for a bit and then had to sit with her big brother.  I don't think Luke is contagious, most likely something he ate.

Nesia and I made lunch for Uncle B and she ate while we cooked.  Luke ate some grapes but still felt uneasy about eating anything more.  While I'm writing right now I realize that I forgot to feed myself!  Ooops.

She laid in the floor and looked like she was doing yoga or something.  She's too funny sometimes!

I started getting texts that Joy and everyone else was arriving in Atlanta and they would be on the road back to Calera soon.

It's 3pm in Alabama and Brandon and I are back to the "single life" as he calls it.  All of the travelers made it back, and Joy was super excited to see Nesia.

Sitting here writing, I have no idea how I managed to take care of the kids for this long.  My body and mind are both worn out, but I miss Nesia already.  I now know that I could handle having more than one child, but  we will both be completely satisfied if Elliana is it for us.  

Day Fourteen with the Kiddos

We had to wake Nesia up to get her ready for church this morning.  Brandon and I both work well together.  I got ready and he ate his breakfast.  When we got Nesia up, he changed her diaper and clothes while I got breakfast together to eat at church.  We had some vanilla yogurt, granola, fresh cut strawberries, grapes, and cheerios along with some milk packed in her little bag (I shared the yogurt and fruit with her).

The hairbow didn't stay in long.  It was precious while it lasted though!  The little sweater she's wearing was knitted by my Great Aunt Ellen (who passed years ago).

Once we got to church, Nesia and I ate breakfast until it was time for worship to start.  When the praise band began playing, she had her hands in the air spinning around.  It was too cute!  We had to stay through both services to keep the nursery during the later service and Nesia was tired.  She fell asleep in the car on the ride home.  Brandon and I both took advantage of that time to rest as well

She woke up hungry and ate a sandwich in Uncle B's lap.  (I don't think she has stopped eating since she got here.  She has a very healthy appetite!)

We went outside around 4 pm when the sun wasn't too strong so she could play.  She begs to go outside all the time, but I'm afraid of her getting burned because she's so fair complected!

She's playing "pee-pie" here

After playing outside we went back to church to watch the children's choir perform.  They were all so precious.  Both of Nesia's cousins were on stage with singing and talking parts.  Nesia sang through the entire show and even did the hand motions like she had been at the practices.

He ended up having to take her out because she was loud and we didn't want her to take away from the kids.  I mean, who could compete with Sia?

Tim brought the boys back out to The Farm and Brandon offered to keep Nesia so it would be easier on me.  My hands are aching all of the time now and Elliana lays on my sciatic nerve, making it often hard to walk or stand.

They shared leftover pasta and had dessert.  Seeing Brandon with Nesia makes me look forward to Ellliana. He's so good with children, but he was definitely meant to be a Daddy to a daughter.  I can just see him and baby girl having tea parties already!

Day Thirteen with the Kiddos

Nesia was not a good sleeper!  She woke up around 3 am and Brandon was able to get her to go back to sleep.  She woke up again and I tried rocking her with no luck.  We let her lay in bed with us and watch TV until we were all wide awake.

What do you do when everyone's awake super early on a Saturday morning?  Go to Waffle House!

On the way there she tried to fall asleep.  Brandon and I both started laughing and turned on the light in the car and talked to her.  She was fine once we got inside and enjoyed some cold milk, waffle, and eggs.

She fell asleep in the car on the way back home so Brandon put her in our bed and we both napped in the living room.  We all slept for about three hours or so and woke up.  Paul had a school function that conflicted with Silas getting to his game on time, so Tim dropped Silas off at the house with us.  We watched his game up until about the 4th inning or so.

We drove to Alabaster to leave some leftover Menopur at the store for friend of mine.  She is in the midst of her first IVF cycle and I had two unused vials left and that's exactly how much she needed.  (I forgot to leave the medicine at the store in my excitement of Brandon being home and going to eat BBQ).

Sia napped on the way home and woke up ready to play outside!

She had fun dragging the rake around the yard

She's Uncle B's big helper

Absolutely adorable and it's ok for me to say that because she's not my child! HeeHee

She had so much fun outside, but Brandon really needed to cut the back yard.  Nesia was less than thrilled.

She screamed like she was in pain or something!  She cried and pointed at him.  She yelled "My B" over and over again.  She then even began saying his name, which she's never said before.  As you can see from the picture, Brandon caved and picked her up once he had the perimeter mowed.  She was super happy once she had her Uncle B back.

After her crying and helping Uncle B cut the grass we needed some ice water and a snack.  She's so photogenic!  There's always so much light around her in pictures.  Even from pictures indoors.  She is a miracle child...

Dad came over and we cooked dinner.  Nesia likes EVERYTHING.  She ate all of the bell peppers out of Dad's salad and then came over to my plate for mine.  She also ate her own bowl of pasta and then made her rounds between the three of us.

After dinner, Dad fell asleep on the couch and I had to wake him up so we could put Sia down in the pack and play.  She was so tired that she didn't even fight going to sleep once we laid her down.

Nesia can be a handful but she's so cute that it makes up for it sometimes.  She's super attached to Brandon and that doesn't bother me too much because I can't really get in the floor and play with her anymore.  I do like when she lets me hold her and rock her to sleep.  I now have to bribe her with sweet treats to crawl in my lap when Uncle B's around!

Day Twelve with the Kiddos

Nesia woke up with the boys this morning.  Maybe she knew that Uncle B would be at the house when we got there!  The school was delayed because of the severe weather threat, but it allowed the boys to sleep in. Nesia and I packed up and headed for Calera once the brothers got on the bus.

To say that I've missed Brandon is an understatement.  I've never liked it much when he travels, but being away for four days is longer than his usual traveling schedule.  Thankfully he only has this particular trip once a year.

As soon as we walked in the door Nesia was so excited to see her Uncle B.  I barely got my hug and kiss in!  Brandon's boss had told him to enjoy his Friday at home, so he only had to reconcile his emails from while he was away (which was around 100 or so).

We had some breakfast and played until naptime.

She stole my recliner beside Sneakers.

I was happy to get some rest as well since I barely slept last night with the heavy rain and my constant trips to the potty.

Brandon took us to eat lunch at Full Moon BBQ and we met Randal and Liz and H too.  Sia and Uncle B shared some chicken fingers and fries and then she and H got down and played around while we all talked. We stopped in the store and ended up sitting with Jen at Moe's where Nesia decided that she was still hungry and needed chips and salsa.  She likes the green salsa!

She fell asleep on the way home so I was able to get some light cleaning done.  When we left Full Moon I was still pretty hungry.  Sia took a long nap, but I went ahead and called Dad to see if he wanted to meet us somewhere for dinner.  I had a craving for some fried food so we decided to go to Ezell's in Calera.  Nesia wowed us by everything that she ate.  Little girl ate cole slaw- something that I've never truly learned to enjoy (unless it's vinegar slaw).  She had hush puppies, fried pickles, fried crawfish, fried shrimp, and sweet potato fries.  Probably a lot of fried food but she had eaten healthy all day long and everyone deserves some yummy fried southern food!

Of course she reached for Uncle B and he couldn't let her just sit in the high chair!  She is spoiled rotten!!

She had a great diaper for us once we were home!  Overall it was a great day.  I was so excited to have my husband home after his week away.  Having Nesia with us really hasn't changed our normal routine.  If anything we have probably gotten out of the house MORE than we have in the past few weeks.  Nesia is such a people person and I hope that some of her personality rubs off on Elliana.

Day Eleven with the Kiddos

Today has been a rough day!  Dehydration+Braxton Hicks+Sciatic Pain+Exhaustion = one tired pregnant mommy!

It's hard to feel yucky when this little girl is around.

She woke up with the boys instead of sleeping in this morning.  I felt awful from the first moment I stepped out of bed this morning.  Eleanna had said that she would take care of Nesia today, but I'd have to drive back to Calera and then drive back to The Farm when the boys get off the school bus.  It would have been nice to have a quiet day to myself, but I don't think I could make it there with how terrible I feel.

Sia played for a while before getting sleepy.  I'm so glad that she took a morning nap.  I heard her wake up but she sat for a while playing and singing before trying to get my attention to come get her out.

She loves Ellie

Giving the baby kisses!  You can tell how awful I feel in this picture.

We ate lunch on the couch and Nesia played in the floor while I laid on the couch.  She's a perceptive child and could just tell that I wasn't feeling like myself.  She let me lay down and talk to her while she played.  It wasn't much longer when we both got tired and she laid down for another nap.  I got back in bed and slept off and on.  After talking to Liz, I realized that I hadn't drank enough water and started trying to rehydrate.  Every time I got up my body felt super heavy and I felt extremely sluggish.

Once Nesia was awake from her nap I just knew that we had to get outside.  I was still feeling yucky, but it wasn't fair to keep her cooped up in the house just because I felt bad.

On the porch at Grandmommy and Grandaddy's

Chickens

She wanted me to hold her

The sky before the rain came

We stayed outside for over 30 minutes but I couldn't stay on my feet.  We ate our snack outside and saw the dogs but I was tired.  It wasn't long until the boys got home from school and they were able to help me keep up with her.  Luke and I ended up inside working on the laundry and trying to keep Nesia entertained.  The boys knew that I wasn't feeling well so they let me off the hook on dinner and all fixed themselves something to eat.
It was right when the boys came home that I started having a new pain.  Elliana was moving around and landing on my sciatic nerve.  Every time it happened it took the breath out of me.  I've never felt such quick and sudden pain before.  It terrified the boys every time I gasped.  Bedtime for everyone couldn't come quick enough and I was so glad to lie down in the bed and be able to grimace through the pain alone.

Complete Exhaustion

This must be what the last month of pregnancy feels like.  I cannot wait for the burst of energy I've heard that women get before the baby comes.  I slept well last night, but it feels like I've been awake for days.  My body aches and I have no desire to even move.  Keeping up with Sia is much  more challenging today and I will happily greet the boys when they get off the bus this afternoon!

Brandon flies home late tonight.  I'm staying here at The Farm this evening and will pack up and head home with Nesia in the morning.  I'm meeting a special friend who is in the midst of her first IVF cycle to share my last two vials of Menopur.  I'm also hoping to have lunch with Randal since I haven't seen her in a week!

Please keep my friend and her cycle in your thoughts and prayers!  Also remember me.  Time is ticking down!