Friday, May 17, 2013

Diary Blogging in the Last Days

I haven't wanted to write much lately because I'm so down.  My emotions are crazy and all over the place.  When I wake up I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to hold it together or not.  I spent the better part of yesterday in tears over silly stuff.

I am so excited that our daughter could be here any day now.  Our house is as ready as it will ever be and our bags are packed with all of the essentials.  All of the pregnant women around me are having their babies and it's hard to not be jealous.

We started trying to get pregnant in July 2010.  That's how long I've waited to hold my baby.  Now that we're within days of her arrival I find myself so filled with emotion that I can barely get through each day.  I'm glad that I have been able to identify jealousy as the culprit of my recent sadness.  It's just difficult when I feel like I have been pregnant for so long.  It's not like I took a test early, we know exactly which days everything occurred for Ellie to be about to make her grand entrance.

After our appointment on Wednesday I was so full of energy and joy.  I had contractions off and on all day and really felt like something was happening.  On Thursday, nada.  I barely had five contractions all day.  It was such a discouragement.  Walking usually makes the Braxton Hicks start again but I barely have the energy to walk anymore.  I laid in bed almost all day long and cried over every little thing.

Now I'm sitting here wishing it was time to be awake because sleep has grown so difficult.  The nightly visits to the bathroom aren't awful, but I wake every time thinking that I should be getting up to start the day.  I feel so bad for Brandon because he never knows if I'm angry, happy, or about to burst into tears.

Today makes us 8 days away from our estimated due date.  Remember us in your thoughts and prayers.  I'm trying so hard to hold it together each day and to continue to pray for patience and peace.


  1. I can totally sympathize with your situation. I remember when I was almost at my due date with my son and i cried and moped around everyday. I ended up being induced at 39 weeks due to high blood pressure (great induction btw!) but i remember how horrible it was not knowing what was going to happen. Hang in there- you will be holding your baby girl in no time at al.! Sending you t&p that it happens soon!

  2. We have prayed for y'all every night... And will continue to do so! You've trusted in God's perfect timing for almost 3 years now, just keep trusting that He and Ellie know what her birthday is, and they're almost ready to let you in on the secret.
    Remember, no one has ever been pregnant forever ;) I'm here for you whenever you need me, sunshine. Relax. SLEEP. Labor is hard business and you need your strength. I wish I'd slept more before Bugga came!!!

  3. You are going to be a great mom! You got this my sweet friend.


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As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.
Psalm 71:14