One of our associate pastors at church (Larry) stopped by to check in on us last night. I know that God told him to come and visit us when he did. He talked to us about how difficult our journey through infertility has been. He asked us questions that no one else has ever asked us before. He actually asked us about all of the unsolicited advice we receive. He mentioned how people often don't know what to say, so they say condescending things like "it will happen when it happens," or "it's a part of God's plan." Brandon and I were able to let off some much needed steam talking to him. Last night was also the first time we let our guards down and and cried about our current situation. We have both been trying to stay strong for each other. Last night we both let go.
Brandon and I were both so hopeful for this IVF attempt. For the most part, everything went as well as could be expected up until time for the embryo transfer. The past few days have been so difficult for me because many people haven't truly understood how we feel. So many people actually thought we were just postponing the transfer a few days. (You CANNOT do that. Embryos must be transferred at either day 3 or day 5-after that they must be frozen.) So many individuals are clueless about anything relating to infertility. Also, I don't think that everyone has understood the severity of my situation. Yes, I knew all of the risks involved when we started the process of IVF. I was counselled about OHSS, but did not think it would happen to me. Everyone thinks that they're invincible. It usually only affects 10% of women undergoing fertility treatment. If you saw me in the days leading up to our scheduled transfer, it was written all over my face how much pain I was going through. I could barely sleep at night. I couldn't get up out of bed or even walk without someone holding on to me. This has been the worst pain that I've ever endured, both emotionally and physically. If you have not ridden the roller coaster of emotions that infertility takes you on, then you will not understand. We waited and waited and waited to start this cycle. Now we are back to waiting. Healing, waiting, and preparing for another cycle.
I will continue to glorify God no matter the circumstance. Things could have been much worse than they truly are. I can do all things with Him. Without God, we would have never gotten as far as we did in the IVF process. He provided in every aspect of the situation. He is my source of strength. When I am weak He is strong. He is the only reason that I am able to make myself get up out of this hospital bed and try to feel better.
I can definitely understand your disappointment on this cycle. With six frozen embryos, you will never have to go through this again thankfully. Keep your chin up :)
ReplyDeleteYou are so right that if someone has not gone through infertility they cannot understand. The waiting is so hard. My journey taught me so much about God's timing in my life. I pray that you continue to recover well!
ReplyDeleteI could scream when people make treatment suggestions to me when they have no idea about IF. It would be like me trying to help an astronaut in outer space. Not helpful. I pray you continue to heal and the wait goes by fast.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for all your waiting and all the disappointments so far. :/ It must be so discouraging! Your strength and positive attitude are so inspiring! Hoping you get to go home SOON and that you'll be able to do your FET in no time.
ReplyDeleteI hurt for you, sweetheart. But you're an inspiration to so many, me included, with your unwavering faith in His plan. You've come a LONG way, baby, and you only have a little further to go.
ReplyDeleteI've never gone through this situation so I'm glad you are able to explain it to those of us who cannot relate. I'm sorry you are hurting. I will say, just because I haven't been through the process doesn't mean I can't at least empathize with you. I kind of feel like since I don't know like everyone else does, people like me are excluded from even wanting to follow along in your journey and cheer you on.
ReplyDeleteValerie, I didn't mean for it to come across that way. People are constantly telling me that they know "exactly how I feel" and they are relating my infertility to random situations like having a surgery or losing a job.
DeleteI hope that I did not offend you.
I am glad to have you in my cheering section. My analogy of the roller coaster is one that many other infertile women have used before me. We are on a constant ride never knowing what's around the corner. It's just that I often have well-meaning people say things that break my heart. I do hope that you'll accept my apology if my post offended you or has caused you to want to cease following my journey. Also, I have a LOT of hormones talking as of recent. =/
Of course! You are such a sweet person and I really can only imagine how miserable you must feel right now. I know this sounds trite but I really would give anything to see others who desperately want children able to make that a reality. I watched my mom suffer for decades so this is something that is really close to my heart.
DeleteI will still be here every single day watching your journey. Please know, even those of us who haven't ridden this horrible roller coaster with y'all are still 100% behind you, waiting for you to get that BFP.
I admire your strength and your faith. I'm praying for a speedy healing for you and that this waiting period will pass quickly. May a happier outcome be just around the corner!
ReplyDelete(Hugs) You are an incredibly strong woman, I would have definetly broken down and be bitter in this situation, and I beyond admire you for your strength. Infertility is one hell of a roller coaster, and it effects every part of your life. I hope things start to improve soon and you are feeling better and can start the next step towards FET quickly. Wishing you all the best as always.
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