Sunday, March 4, 2012

It is finished

Church was amazing today.  Denise and Mike of Hart to Hart Ministries spoke to our church today.  At the end of her sermon she asked for a raise of hand of those who were praying for miracles.  She opened up the altar for those to come up and receive prayer.  No, I didn't raise my hand or walk to the altar.  Sometimes I feel like my hope and prayer is selfish.  As we were leaving, Brandon wanted to walk up and speak to Terry (our pastor) before leaving.  He told me that Denise was born to a mother who had no womb, and she too was not supposed to have children.  He told me that he wanted me to read a book that she had written.  He introduced Brandon and I to Mike and Denise and they asked if they could pray over us.  I also gave her a card that had the information to link her back to my blog. 

Today, Brandon told me that it's ok to be sad.  I know that I'm such a burden to him at times.  He never knows what type of mood I may be in.  Sometimes I'm ok when I see babies, and sometimes I'm not.   With my emotions all over the place I feel like a loose cannon.

I'm ready for this new cycle to begin so we can attempt one last IUI.  I want to stay positive, but if it fails, I am ready to begin saving for IVF as well as completing the paperwork for domestic adoption.  Unfortunately, a couple must be married for 3 years to start the paperwork, but our 3rd Wedding Anniversary is just around the corner in June.  I know that we've only been trying for a little over a year and a half, but I cannot see us trying forever.  I want to me a Mother.  It doesn't matter how it happens.  It is finished. =)

1 comment:

  1. I found you on FF and I started reading your blog last week. You said above that "sometimes I feel like my hope and prayer are selfish" and I just wanted to say that I feel the same way. It's so hard for me to pray for a "postive result" or "positive feedback" from my dr. I started just to pray for peace. I feel like my journey has been just as much a journey of faith as it as a journey to conception. We've only been trying about 9 months now (issues started in December) so I don't truly understand what you're going through. But I do understand wanting to be a mother. You're faith seems so strong.


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As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.
Psalm 71:14