The Infertility Game

Thank you for all of the encouraging words.  I received so many sweet text and Facebook messages yesterday, as well as blog comments.

Today I'm less upset.  I was at work when Janet called yesterday.  I'm surprised that I even heard it ring.  I was sitting in Paul's office when she gave me the news about Brandon dipping.  After I hung up with her, I called him.  Brandon was in Huntsville working on a new project.  I was so upset and had to tell him.  Maybe I should have waited, but I couldn't.  Before I left work, I talked with Jen.  She always has a way of making bad things seem not that bad.  She's always able to see the good in every situation.  It helped to talk to her before going home. She is one of the few people that I can talk to who doesn't give unwanted advice.  She just listens to what I say, and then helps me to see the silver lining.  I guess this bump in the road is just another part of the game.

Once Brandon got home, he handed over his last can of Skoal.  It was still half full.  He told me to throw it away.  Quitting is not a problem for him.  He's always wanted children.  He knew that he wanted to be a father when he battled cancer ten years ago.  I'm extremely lucky that he wants all of this as much as I do.  I can't imagine what all of this must be like for him.  In the beginning he was so worried that he was the "problem."  I'm glad that I've been able to share that burden with him.  It's difficult for him when I get upset.  He holds my hand every time he has to give me an injection.  He knows that I get scared with every procedure, but he's always there by my side.  The two of us have had to go through so much during this journey.  Collection rooms, mandatory abstinence, timed intercourse, injections and mood swings were not what we envisioned when we said "I Do."  Our relationship has been tested and we've grown so much since first meeting in 2007.  Even though I wish that our pathway to parenthood would be easier, I'm glad that I have him as my husband.  He is the one that my soul loves.