Monday, August 27, 2012

Much to process

Thank you to everyone who has checked on me the past few days.  The infertility process is unpredictable.

The transfer should happen next week as long as my lining thickens.  Brandon is much better at keeping positive that I am.  With each step, I've tried to remain positive.  Writing here has kept me accountable and made me want to see the good in each situation.  It helps me to think ahead and be prepared for all scenarios.  I had already prepared for disappointment at Friday's appointment.  We're still moving forward, it's just a week later than planned. . .

If you're unfamiliar with infertility treatment... Tracking your BBT becomes obsessive.  Taking Clomid/Femara is exciting when you seldom ovulate.  Injecting stimulation drugs is even cooler to get more follicles.  Administering an HPT trigger is just awesome because you get to see two lines on a pregnancy test!  IVF is both terrifying and thrilling all at the same time.  But when you get your calendar and start feeling comfortable and "in control" of your own body...and then something goes wrong...I cannot even begin to explain the disappointment.

We have been living our life in cycles since June 2010.  We have not planned a true vacation in over two years.  Most every aspect of our life has been planned by my fertility calendar.  Over the past two years I have experienced so many different emotions.  I feel like I have been able to handle myself much better over the past six months.

I don't want to seem like I'm throwing myself a pity party, but the waiting is so difficult.  Waiting for God's timing is hard no matter what circumstance you find yourself in.  My prayer is that I can continue to see the silver lining, trust God, lean on my husband, and be a light for others.  My heart is full and I have estrogen coming out of my ears.  I've never felt so weepy.  So yes, we're moving forward, but what others see as one week - I see as five more days of anxiously waiting for possibly more waiting.

My Tentative Calendar at the moment is as follows:
Friday, August 31- Lining Check @ 9am
Saturday, September 1- Tentatively begin PIO injections along with antibiotics
Thursday, September 6- Tentative Embryo Transfer
September 14-September 17--Tentative Beta Results


  1. September 6th is my birthday, so I'm hoping that brings you good results! Thanks for keeping us posted. You've been through so much this summer. I'm so glad you're getting to the point of action. :)

  2. Everything will look great during this appointment and you will have your transfer on the 6th. Which btw is my beta day! Can't wait for you to be pregnant with your little boy :)

  3. Waiting on God's timing can be trying. That has been the main lesson I have learned though infertility and it has given me such compassion for others "waiting" no matter what it is they are waiting on in their lives.

  4. One of the hardest things for me with infertility and all related is trying to accept that you are not in control. You said it exactly, waiting for God's timing is the hardest. Praying for you and your hubby. Sending all those prayers that you find that peace and comfort that can be so difficult at this time in a cycle. Wishing you all the best!!

  5. Courtney.
    I read a blog post earlier this summer that gave me a new perspective. I'm not sure if it'll help you; but I'm putting it out there anyways.
    This blogger - I wish I could remember who it was so I could link to her post - was speaking to her therapist about the feeling of limbo that IF treatments put her in. The years of putting off this vacation or that career change because any cycle could be THE cycle.
    Oh hey, I remembered the name of the post, just a second I'll Google it for the link:
    Alright, so she tells her story better than I ever could. So go check it out. And then ask yourself what plans you are putting off, what parts of your life are you putting on hold. And then take some action where you can, because you want to be a mommy, but I'm pretty sure you want to a HAPPY mommy.

  6. Hang in there Court, the time will come. I've been and still am in your shoes and know how hard it is and how long everything takes, the added hormones definitely do not help. Try to distract yourself, if possible, you are almost there!

  7. I can completely relate to your statement about remaining positive through each step and how your blog helps with that. That's exactly how I feel. I've definitely thrown fewer pity parties for myself since finding this community of support.


Thank you for visiting my blog! I appreciate your comments and support on our journey.

As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.
Psalm 71:14