"He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And He hears me when I call."
Why am I letting the negative thoughts creep in? If God is for us, then who can stand against us? Today was not a good day for me. Everything got under my skin, and the enemy was just waiting for me to come unglued. I stuffed, and I stuffed everything all day, until it all came spu-ing out in a tearful rage.
Up until the past few days, I have felt so much peace about our journey. When I first saw the two lines on the pregnancy test, I was thrilled. My beta numbers have been great. I have all of the pregnancy symptoms, but the fear and anxiety is ever present; hiding in the dark corner of my mind. I've done such a good job of feeling at peace until now. Please understand, I do trust God and I trust His plan. He has everything written. But I keep thinking too far ahead, instead of just enjoying each day.
Most of you probably think that our journey is over now that we're pregnant. We still have to see the fertility clinic each week to monitor our progress, and continue medications for some time. We aren't out of the woods yet. There's still the threat of the "m-word" which I will not speak.
I promise that I will glorify God no matter what happens. I've always wanted to keep this blog honest, as a place I can one day reflect, and to help others with their life struggles. God is good all of the time. So maybe I wrote this post as a prayer. God, give me the peace to enjoy each day of my pregnancy with this child. Help me to trust you. Help me to exercise self-control in moments of weakness when I feel that I am coming unglued.
(((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel. I'm 24.5 weeks and the fear that this pregnancy won't end in a take-home baby is still paralyzing at times.
I posted the new Sanctus Real song, Promises, on my blog yesterday as I blogged about similar feelings... The only way I can get through the hard moments are by leaning on God and believing in His promises--that His intentions toward us are good.
I understand completely how you feel. The enemy steps in to take away all of our joy and happiness. He knows what we fear most and uses that against us, the greatest Villian of all time. I continually pray for peace, and I continually remind myself that fear is NOT from God. When I do that, I'm reassured, and I have to do this often :) The greatest power is the power of prayer from others as well, so strong a power that it's almost palpable. You're clothed in the prayers of others right now and don't forget that :)
ReplyDeleteHoping that you continue to blog.
ReplyDeleteI love reading your blog so much. Even when you're feeling down, I can feel the power of God's love through your words. You are such an inspiration and I think of you often. Praying for you that this was the lowest of your lows during your pregnancy and that things will only be better from here! XO
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