Monday, September 24, 2012
He hears me when I call
"He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And He hears me when I call."
Why am I letting the negative thoughts creep in? If God is for us, then who can stand against us? Today was not a good day for me. Everything got under my skin, and the enemy was just waiting for me to come unglued. I stuffed, and I stuffed everything all day, until it all came spu-ing out in a tearful rage.
Up until the past few days, I have felt so much peace about our journey. When I first saw the two lines on the pregnancy test, I was thrilled. My beta numbers have been great. I have all of the pregnancy symptoms, but the fear and anxiety is ever present; hiding in the dark corner of my mind. I've done such a good job of feeling at peace until now. Please understand, I do trust God and I trust His plan. He has everything written. But I keep thinking too far ahead, instead of just enjoying each day.
Most of you probably think that our journey is over now that we're pregnant. We still have to see the fertility clinic each week to monitor our progress, and continue medications for some time. We aren't out of the woods yet. There's still the threat of the "m-word" which I will not speak.
I promise that I will glorify God no matter what happens. I've always wanted to keep this blog honest, as a place I can one day reflect, and to help others with their life struggles. God is good all of the time. So maybe I wrote this post as a prayer. God, give me the peace to enjoy each day of my pregnancy with this child. Help me to trust you. Help me to exercise self-control in moments of weakness when I feel that I am coming unglued.